This is the Message Centre for Jacculus of Rome
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted May 30, 2000
Our names make a pair....
Gratification and all that Jac......
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted May 31, 2000
[Titter of laughter]
Yes, it's true. Hmmm.
* Scans name for further dirty-minded jokes...
* ...But fails utterly to find any...
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 1, 2000
Just like a lazy Roman male!
Laying around, eating, drinking, and expecting women to do all the work!
You Rome(d) around the world
And still you couldn't find
Another woman
Who would be so kind
Who would Jac(k) you off
Gratify your need
Be there
Whilst you spilled your seed
And that's the last dirty reference before someone gets the wrong idea, or we get kicked off here!
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 1, 2000
[Manic laughter]
* Lazes back on Roman seat to live up to Roman male image. Signals minion.
[To minion] Bring me a cup of mead.
[Minion turns round specially to recieve a kick in the backside]
[Minion runs off]
* Lies back with highly irritating smile
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 4, 2000
*"She" quietly notes Jac's wine tester is on vacation, slips a bag of golden coins to the minion (who shakes head- returns the bag- and kisses her feet in gratitude when he sees her intent), and giggles to herself as she drops a particularly potent laxative into his mead......
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 5, 2000
* Cleverly counters the evil plot by reading h2g2. Does ancient Roman juggling trick with cups and hands doctored cup back graciously, taking generous sip from non-doctored cup....
The tension's rising...
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 5, 2000
*"She" decides to stop revealing intent on h2g2 (for obvious reasons), smiles sweetly with squinted eyes to show displeasure at being thwarted, and whispers something to the minion.
*"She" claps hands twice, bows, and says......
For your pleasure great Jac- the greatest exotic belly dancer captured by our Roman fleet.........
*soft, sensual music begins to play, the lights are dimmmed, and an exquisite beauty enters the room and begins to dance.....
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 7, 2000
* Mistakes purpose of belly dancer, picks up bow and arrow and, having missed twice, scores a direct hit.
[Over the screams] An excellent entertainment. I'll take five thousand.
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 8, 2000
WaaaaHaaaaaHaaaaaHaaaaaa!
You have done it now!
Despite being a Roman citizen, you will pay for her death!
She was not a slave......
She was the daughter of the head of the Army.
She came here to tell you of her great love for you!
You have killed a Roman citizen!
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 8, 2000
Magician!
* A magician runs on, and says 'Om'
Revive that woman!
* The magician does so. The woman continues dancing.
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 9, 2000
Aren't we clever?
*shrugs shoulders, grabs a cup of mead, and plops down on a huge cushion next to Jac.....
I give up! You are just too quick for me!
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 9, 2000
* Flies gracelessly into air and lands in belly flop in small fountain.Emerges puffing like an asmatic seal.
That was an AIR-FILLED CUSHION you just PLOPPED ON!
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 9, 2000
* Jac leans over the fountain to help her out....
*SPLASH! She pulls Jac in, and then begins to giggle with extreme mirth.
*still giggling....
So, what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?
*snort.. giggle... giggle
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 10, 2000
* Emerges spluttering indignantly from fountain.
A place like this...! I'll have you know this is my ancestral palace.
* Moves to cover patch of mould on fountain basin.
But you're right, it is a bit of a dump. Let's change the scenery.
* Raises little finger. The room dissolves, leaving an idyllic beach scene.
Ugh. Got it wrong again.
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 10, 2000
That's quite a trick!
*wiggles finger.... nothing happens.
Um...
*crosses eyes and sticks out front teeth to look more like Jac, wiggles finger.... still nothing happens.
I'm at your mercy!
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 11, 2000
Look, you do it like this!
* Raises little finger. The beach scene disappears, leaving just a swirling blackness.
You've got to get the movement of the end joint right. Look.
* Demonstrates. A large turtle appears out of nowhere and looks happily around.
See?
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 12, 2000
AAAHHHH!
*wiggles finger, smoke and heat fill the room. The sound of Miles Davis drifts across the ears like a caress...
Oh my, I'd forgotten how much I missed New Orleans!
*She and Jac appear in a dark, smoky bar at a corner table.
Waiter, I'd like a slow, comfortable screw on the rocks.
*Wink.
What'll you have?
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 12, 2000
Sounds good, I'll have the same.
* looks around to see what kind of bar this is
Something you said..
She Who Gratifies Gravity Posted Jun 13, 2000
It's a Jazz bar in the French Quarter somewhere around the early 60's, silly!
*smacks Jac on the arm....
That's Miles Davis on stage-one of The Greats!
Are you hip enough for this scene?
*Rolls eyes, wiggles finger again (properly), and a fat wallet full of 100's appears....
My, I always new you'd be good for something!
We could go gambling later!
*wiggles finger again, and Jac is suddenly a Calvin Klein model look-a-like....
No, that won't do.....
*wiggles finger again, Jac turns into the cutest fluffy poodle....
Uhm, better!
*wiggles finger, Jac turns into a beautiful snake wrapped around her arm....
Suits you, don't you think?
Something you said..
Jacculus of Rome Posted Jun 14, 2000
* Wiggles tail, vanishes entirely.
[A passing fool explodes suddenly and the snake appears, blood-bespattered, from the wreckage]
Hey, that was fun!
* Slides over to bar and orders three Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.
What're you having?
Key: Complain about this post
Something you said..
- 21: She Who Gratifies Gravity (May 30, 2000)
- 22: Jacculus of Rome (May 31, 2000)
- 23: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 1, 2000)
- 24: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 1, 2000)
- 25: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 4, 2000)
- 26: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 5, 2000)
- 27: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 5, 2000)
- 28: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 7, 2000)
- 29: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 8, 2000)
- 30: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 8, 2000)
- 31: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 9, 2000)
- 32: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 9, 2000)
- 33: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 9, 2000)
- 34: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 10, 2000)
- 35: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 10, 2000)
- 36: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 11, 2000)
- 37: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 12, 2000)
- 38: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 12, 2000)
- 39: She Who Gratifies Gravity (Jun 13, 2000)
- 40: Jacculus of Rome (Jun 14, 2000)
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