h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Cleaning products, Weight loss and you - A954885
Author: Male Researcher 217777 - U217777

HELP!

What sort of help are you looking for, MR, (if I may call you that?)

I like this, it makes a nice point neatly and deftly and with good humour.

Do you want help to improve it in any way? Or a nice appreciative audience? (Of which I am happy to be a member!

Thanks for writing it - I have more to say, but I want to find out more about what you mean by 'HELP!' first...



B

I am sorry about the message, I was in a bit of a rush, but I have more time now.

Firstly - thank you for your comments on my entry, it is very assuring to now that people find your entry entertaining.

Secondly – yes, I would like a little help with it. As you say is short, sweet and to the point, but I feel it needs fattening out a little before anything could be done with it.

So if you, or any one you know could help me fill it up I would be very grateful.


Male Researcher, Philosopher, Atheist 217777

Hi Male Researcher, and welcome to the AWW,

I read this too, and it's a nice idea, well expressed. (though dare i say it i think it could stand a little 'polishing' )

by the way, like the U-number!

cya
spiff

Thanks for following my advice in WW, MR. Have a great time in the AWW!

Hopefully soon more people will review this work, (I have been asking around) but if anyone already has anything that I could do to it, please come forward.

I don't know what you are talking about , so I will not reply to your answer

What are you talking about?

Ignoring the mysterious post 7, Would you believe I get disapproving looks from people passing by as I push my hand mower round my handerchief sized front lawn! I tell them it's the only exercise I get - makes no difference. Then I tell them I'm using 100% renewable energy - that makes no difference either. They act as if I'm letting the side down .


As Ben said your entry makes the point neatly at the moment. But if you want to give it more substance there's a few things you could consider. You could set the scene a little more in those first three lines, giving it a little more character. You could extend your theory to other labour saving products although the one you've used makes the point effectively so you have to be careful not to get repetitive. You could add an example of an advert for one of your new less useless products .
Waz

Good idea*Wonders how to elaborate on that point*

I like the humour in this, and Waz had some good suggestions for 'fleshing' this out.

Male researcher hasn't posted for a while though, bumping this up to get some other opinions

Thank you for your sugestions, and sorry for not replying, but have got alot on my plate. going to try and make some alterations now.

Hi MR, I see you're not around much at present but I hope you'll drop back in sometime. I'd like to use this piece of yours in a CAC Continuum entry for . I know you want to build on what you have here but you would still be able to do that and in the meantime this neat little piece of yours, making a good point with humour as Ben said, will get an airing. Which it deserves.

If you're not familiar with the CAC-C pages in the Post; it would involve your entry being copied into a new one on which you are credited as author and which will appear in your list of entries. Then that week's Post's CAC-C page will have an introduction to and a link to that copy.

The CAC-C archive is here A2198045 if you want to check it out.
Waz