h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Samba Party - A87743541
Author: GregPius - U13648184

As you can probably tell I went to a Samba party recently. It was in fact my second after attending one in Brazil six years ago.

This is good.

You give plenty of authentic detail, so the reader knows what it's like to be at a samba party. You certainly catch the air of mounting excitement.

There are one or two errors of grammar, and odd turns of phrase, that you could change if you wanted to. I noticed, in particular, that you start by addressing the audience as you(sometimes called second person point of view) but stop doing so in the middle. It's a difficult, odd point of view to adopt, and you might want to change it.

Thanks for that. I was very tired when I type this in but vaguely remember changing narrative prose. My grammar is a weak point and I should always use grammar check. To use this in a story of fiction you could have the narrator be an undercover police detective. It is a bit of a steal from Mad Max but may work if handled correctly. Alternatively you could have the narrator as a private investigator who is searching for the daughter of a rich woman. The only clue he has is her obsession with dancing parties. This might actually work better if the daughter is only fifteen and a runaway from a failed (and bitter) marriage.

That sounds like the beginning of a good story.

Thanks again for the help. Feel free to use the entry for
your own story. I rarely get beyond the initial development
stage before I write another entry. These are for everyone to use.