h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: My Interweaving Valentine - A47210744
Author: 9 <star> Frenchbean - midsummer gardener, dodging hailstones - U236943

My submission for The Stretcher part three

Please could somebody help me with my GuideML? How do I get rid of the spare line between the left-justified lines and the indented ones?

I like this - I think the use of weaving expressions throughout works well.

There were two places where I stumbled on reading this.
"You saw my spirit and were entangled" - although it's grammatically correct, somehow it didn't sound right. 'Became entangled' might be better.

I wasn't sure about 'requited' colours either.

I'm a dunce about Guide ML - but I wondered if you had used tags or . I think tags are more flexible

Oh, neatly woven. I love all the terms you got in without any sense of it being forced.

No improvement suggestions to make except perhaps avoiding the consecutive 'yours' line ends - but only noticed them on a third read.

GMLwise, the tags give the line break. A blockquote tag might also do it even if you replace s with s. In which case my solution would be to use some <SMILEY TYPE ="space"/> tags.


(MVP, if you ever want to see the GML structure of an h2g2 entry, replace the A in the web address with test. It opens up a whole new world of neat tricks!)

Ms GB
*****************
Guide ML

Remove your My Interweaving Valentine (it's exactly the same as the title of the piece so unnecessary

You have tags around your first lines, then the tags. If you want each verse to sit together with indentions, remove your blockquote altogether and paste this exactly in place of your first verse:

I saw you waiting and was caught
<SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/>Your presence spun my mind
<SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/><SMILEY TYPE="space"/>Your soft touch whorled my heart

Then use the same code for your second, and so on

GB

Thanks, Llwaz! I learn something every time I venture onto this site

Thanks GB

And thank you for comments on the form. I was also struggling with the >were< mvg. I'll play a bit more with that line.

Also agree about the two consequetive >yours< line ends LLwaz.

I'll mull and edit accordingly

Fb

Okay: a couple of wee changes made which help it flow more to my satisfaction. Thank you for the comments to date

ilike it Good job that bean!

mini

I think the changes improve it.

That really does suggest two people's lives woven together, symbiotically. Nicely done

Oh, lovely. And what love should be, I think.

I particularly like "We shuttled our yarns and life-stories", but other concepts also appeal to me as well.

Thank you for those lovely comments