h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: I try to stop - A3861957
Author: logicus tracticus philosophicus - U228352

I Try to Stop

This is pretty good. Thanks for posting it.

I don't know if it's deliberately sought, but the style makes for a nice tension between compulsion and rationality.

A couple of personal criticisms : I'd lose the font and the colour. Doesn't add anything, really.

And maybe some of the verbal gymnastics is a bit too convoluted? I think you have to decide whether you want to carry the rhythm (in which case wrestling with meaning doesn't help) or create a hail of ideas (in which case flowery language can be a distraction).

Or maybe you don't. In spite of broken rules, this does work.

Pin

Cheers for feed back Pinniped
re the style not conciously delibratly sought more my natural style of composing, as for compulsion and rationality ,yes lust is a bit of a tug of war.

verbal gymnastics versus rhythm and rhyme ,rime depending on which side of the pond your on ,even in some parts of the country what ever stucture a work is presented in one or the other is going to be different.


yes flowery language can be a distraction i do try not to use it too much but if i took it out from this one think the guts and the urgency that pokes its head above the parapit would be lost.

mind you know i have changed the order of font face and colour couple of the flowery bits have altered yes/no ?

A bit hard to read at spots, but who the hell cares about that anyway?
Good flow, I think, with all its interruptions and odd rhymes. I enjoyed this thoroughly.

cheers for comments jorden i really should up date it this version is a whole lot easier on the eyes plus have added to it and smooyhed a couple of the rough edges off
http://www.morewriting.co.uk/work/699

Read this awhile back and enjoyed reading it. It's got the momentum of a white water ride - only the water's warm, reaching hot. Sort of .

The font made it wrap on the screen oddly and it was hard to read though. I wanted to see the new version but the page is blank on my pc. I can see the sides and top of the web page but the centre is just white.

may Need need to refresh,just checked it on three different browsers, take it you must be useing firefox , happens to me occasionaly will try and tidy this up at the weekend strange how when cut n pasting the same work to different site it comesout slightly different.Cheers for comments

changed it, and removed the formating

Hmm, still blank. I've just got Windows IE, maybe a rather ancient version. The centre piece of all the pages I tried there was blank.

I've Firefox at work, If I've the chance I'll try from work tomorrow.

transfered it over to here,well copied it over but there is a lot more over there as well,if you get that bored at work

Bored is not the word I'd use for at work but I like to get right out the office at lunchtime, and there isn't anywhere to go physically. So I read on the www. Sometimes I succeed in getting away so well that it's a wrench to get back.

And the relevant bit of all this post is that at work on Firefox I can see that page from the link - so it's my pc that won't show it for some reason. Probably because it's getting old.

Lunchbreak got interrupted though, so all I saw was that the poem was there. The version here is much easier to read now, it goes faster, whether that's the font being easier or changes you've made I don't know.

first thought might be the java,or W3C
sounds like i know what i'm talking about but i dont, mind you sometimes
even firefox dont load properly,top half of frame gets hidden.

Think it both the change of font and bits added that make it flow faster
shortened the line lenth as well as on the smaller screens was a bit hard to read, cheers for comments