h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Hot day coming. - A40176740
Author: Keith Miller: Australian, 'In Excelsis'. - U1287143

It's a simple telling of a normal summers day in OZ

Phew - here she comes, scab-black centres on the bom site radar loops, sun-kissed jacaranda blossom set against steely grey skies away over the range, the smell of fruit bat and the electric buzz of six-legged activity.

I love it: it exhilerates me.

I love this description. It's splendidly evocative, using all the senses and producing some great phrases. I particularly like the sentences beginning 'Everywhere you look it's gone hazy' and 'Long lazy lizards.'

A couple of crits:
I think the clause beginning 'and the mercury once risen' would be better as a separate sentence.
The sentence beginning 'A splash' is a little confusing and might benefit from re-ordering.

Isn't is supposed to be winter down there at the moment?

Oh, I like this. I could feel it.

The part that rang a bell with me was the part about putting out the washing. It reminded me of my childhood: I was born in Memphis, Tennessee, which is in the subtropics.

It was that hot there, too, and the steam when it rains...yep.

I'm with dmitri: I could see and feel it. And I don't think I've ever experienced more than 40°C.

Hey thanks everyone for having a read.
I had a couple of constraints with this: It had to be no more than a thousand words and I had to work some words into it; rum, meander, melt, and I forget the other two.
I wanted to do the whole day but couldn't fit it in.
Guess I could add to it now as there is no constraints here

Touched a few nerves, triggered a few senses too.

How did you establish your constraints?

Over at a writing site I'm a member at it was a prompt for a short fiction segment. Has a few members from here at it as well. Ex members of Beebs GW site.

Not something to read in a cold wet September in the UK with the martins gathering to desert us for Africa , a real experience though. The touch of underlying anxiety about fire gives it an extra level - I liked that and the smell of eucalyptus particularly.

Thanks for sharing some sun,
Waz

Your welcome, glad you enjoyed it.

(I've got sand all over my feet from being at the beach today and it's warm enough to swim even though Winters just finished)

Hello Keith, we'd like to put your Hot Day on h2g2's front page, and not just because it's the middle of winter here. Congratulations on getting the Miners selection, and a second Congratuations on being the UnderGuide QA's 'Gem of the Month'!

The QA review: "If you enjoy writing that brings a place to life, this is for you. It isn’t easy territory, either, like the UGs frequent forays into stately mountain country. It isn’t even the Australian Bush, though the popular image of the Bush seeps in all around the edges. This is someone else’s suburbia, and it’s potent.
The best writing captures contradictions. One dichotomy here is between pent-up energy and burned-up languor. It’s too hot to be anything but hot. Another is of an alien landscape full of familiar things. The whole thing is wrapped up in a single steady-eyed panshot taking in the whole of its sprawling subject. The best travel writing is written with a camera like this, even when it’s in words. The pacing of this piece is simply perfect too, the way it moves along with a confident Aussie swagger.
Weaknesses? The inevitable one, which is when you get a piece steam-rolling like this, there’s no way to stop it. The dead run-out is disappointing, but I confess I can’t see how to improve it. Except maybe to invite a literary competition to write a last paragraph?"


Thank you for contributing here, Keith and thank you for this piece in particular.
UGeds

Btw, UG eds, I've frequently browsed (and will in the future) the AWW for material, and it's quite hard to see when a piece has been picked by you. Could you change the subject line when you leave your message, similar to what is done in PR? It would make it much more obvious.

(Like: Congratulations! Your entry has been chosen by a Miner)

Will do

You might find C1233 of use? They're alphabetical within that and any missing from there should be here U235555.