h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, no, not the last lines – really like those, they’re a good punchy ending.

It was mainly this one ‘The man didn't understand what he could have done to warrant this.’ It slowed the pace where there was tension and ‘But guilty of what?’ was enough.

The other was ‘all through the morning and early afternoon’ because it made the sentence long and the later seven hours gave the timescale anyway. But I’m not sure now, after rereading.

These are just one person’s , you know? Some of them might not make weight.

The dreaming waking bit – the slight hitch has gone but it’s lost something. I think it just needs polishing up after the changes – maybe the four out of five consecutive sentences starting ‘His’ or ‘He’ is what’s doing it. Or maybe just the first sentence of that paragraph hasn't quite got the impact to grab the reader again after his para-break...

That’s what happens when you start changing things, it puts other bits out!

Waz

This has greatly improved since i last read it. It hasnt lost any of its charm on fairytaleness in the editing.

I've fiddled and dabbled with para 3. It's now paras 3 and 4. Perhaps I've been staring at it too long. Perhaps I've fiddled with it too much What do you think LLwaz? I haven't done anything else yet. I want to give some sense of the man's puzzlement about being harshly judged as well as the fear. If I leave it at "but guilty of what?" it only speaks to the reader without addressing the man's need to understand. Do you think it's really superfluous?

Thank you mouse. You're very kind

I think the rewrite is looking good.

I'm still puzzled by the last sentence: 'He was going plant'.

Did you mean, 'he was going *to* plant?'

If that is the case, could you maybe show this intent in another way - by having him look around for seedlings to nurture, or some other action rather than a thought?

The missing "to" is missing no longer Thank you for spotting that.

It's night time dmitri. Wouldn't it be a bit odd for him to start the planting right there and then?

True. Just casting about for the concrete, maybe an acorn in the hand, something like that?

Will beech nuts do? He's filled his pockets with them

Sure. Beech is a fast-growth tree, isn't it? Or am I thinking of something else?

Some interesting beech tree facts, for your information:

"The common name comes from the Norse buche or bok which also means book. Thin sheets of beech wood were used before paper was perfected. Early book covers were also made of wood."

"On favourable UK sites, even on chalk beech grows rapidly.Trees over 40 metres tall have been recorded in England and Ireland. The best measured girth exceeds 8.9m."

"Beech trees are relatively short lived, seldom lasting over 250 years. Large specimens often become top heavy and fall over. Stem and branch failure may occur very rapidly in old age."

"Global warming is predicted to have a profound effect on beech trees in southern England."

"Grey squirrels often strip bark from beech."
(Grey squirrels are a scourge imported to Britain from North America.)

The Royal Forestry Society kindly provided this data
http://www.rfs.org.uk/thirdlevel.asp?ThirdLevel=165&SecondLevel=33

There's an extra paragraph on the end now. He's gathering nuts in May

Take 4: This is a better ending, Tibley

I suppose you could have had chestnuts. But maybe they're slow growing

Yes, yes, yes, you've got it. Something to see, something to hear, something to feel. Purpose without abstraction. YES!

I believe in this vision now.

And thanks for the beech info. As a German speaker, I'd never actually wondered why the word for beech was the same as the word for book. Neglectful on my part.

There will be chestnuts Chips (an uncomfortable, prickly sort of seed-case to fill your pockets with). And oaks, ash, poplar - all the trees you should find in an ancient English wood. It's just that the beech nuts were immediately to hand, so would be the tree he started with - and ended the story with

Thanks Dmitri. Of course you're not neglectful. You can't know every obscure fact, however interesting -- and anyway, now you know it. So glad you like it!