h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Three Times and True – the Story of ‘Babbacombe’ Lee - A2902600
Author: Pinniped - U183682


Hi Guys!

If you don't already know this story, then you might find this one a bit confusing. The Edited Guide-style version (linked from this) might then help.

I've entered a pair of cross-linked pieces to PR and AWW, one to each. The subject matter and the events described are the same in them both. I think they two pieces are complementary, and I'm hoping that they'll be judged good enough to move the debate about style-breadth forward. The immodest hope is one in the EG and one in the UG, thereby admitting the idea of grouped Edited Entries which mix the efforts of Scouts and Miners.

Back in the real world, those of you who do know the story will have to bite your lip over the liberties I've taken, including turning it into a whodunnit. (The murder twist is invented, by the way)

Thanks to Trout for his bits - his work got in the way of a deeper collaboration, but he's helped a good deal anyway.

I'm particularly keen to hear criticism of the parts that describe Lee under the hood, waiting for the trapdoor to open and kill him. Collaborative improvement welcome. Making this part powerful and convincing is one of the hardest things I've ever attempted in writing. I'd like to know if I've succeeded.

So - criticise away. This one isn't flawness (too long for a start), but it's fun. It is if you like Grand Guignol, anyhow.

Pin

Love it though.

The under the hood bit works for me. It's toe curling. Especially the silent ringing. The only thing missing is any reference to any religious belief which doesn't bother me as there's no reason to believe he has any strong conviction.

Maybe writhed and bucked are a little strong unless you see him staggering. I can imagine staying upright despite feeling the floor was, say swaying, or indeed swimming, but I think I'd at least stagger if I felt it was bucking.

It is a long piece and I had to backtrack a few times to check the dates in the headers. I didn't find it confusing but I did read the EG one first.

You looking for general comments or nitpicks? I wasn't sure about Yorkshire Berry thinking of his trapdoor as flowering. Being Yorkshire and pragmatic and all.

It's a switchback of an entry. Wit and chills.
Waz

Hey Waz
I value compliments from you above just about all others, so thanks.
Do you want to talk about this, and hear a little about how it was done?
I'd love to tell you (being a vain little b*gger), but I thought I'd better forewarn you that I might go on a bit.
I've learned a lot in Devon.
Pin

"Do you want to talk about this, and hear a little about how it was "done? Oh yeah

Waz (ing back to work)

OK. Where it came from…
Original subject interest : definitely the Fairport’s album (though I think they were past it as a band by the time they came by that stodgy all-male line up. Richard Thompson and Sanny Denny were the greats).
The Entry idea came to me on rediscovering the “History of FC” album while throwing out LPs. (This clear-out was made fun and memorable by the Weddell’s uncharacteristic and entirely unexpected rendition of the “Vinyl Countdown”, but I digress)
A little cogitation and surfing persuaded me that the story was so strong that a straight telling would work. In fact a clinical EG rendition might best emphasise the barbarity of the tale. That’s why I asked for a collaborator via Challenge h2g2 (there’s a link in the PR thread, if you’re interested).
Gnomon or Trout were particularly hoped for. It was Trout who bit. The development can be followed in : F95896?thread=443212&skip=0&show=20
Before long we’d dropped the EG-intent, and I started thinking of two intertwined stories, the murder and the hanging. The trick was to get them to unravel in parallel : “he did it/he’s going to hang” replaced by “did he do it?/is he going to hang?”
Some elements were borrowed and adapted from earlier stuff : Solomon 2003, After Flixborough, Gunson’s Ride. (Gunson followed me about, damn him. One of the flaws is the remaining same-iness)
Once the story had a target structure (see Post 17 of the thread for its original form), it was written as pieces in isolation, out of order and with deliberate avoidance of back-reading. I was looking for a disjointed feel, with many different perspectives. The web research was also deliberately ‘dippy’, five minutes at a time so that I didn’t get too hung up (‘scuse the pun) with themes running throughout. A lot of the narrative was extemporised, with notebook and dictaphone, in very short snatches and in some odd venues. Verminette’s ju-jitsu club (not for the first time) was catalytic. For about 2 weeks, I played the Fairport’s album repeatedly, and I did a lot of thinking in the dark, looking for images and trying (sometimes succeeding) to frighten myself.
The final edit was minimal, and wholly focussed on the relative pacing of the two strands. I threw in some extra parts, and split up others, to match the phase.
I’d decided (with Trout by now AWOL) that this Entry was ripe for mass collaboration, and was heading for a CWW posting of a very rough draft version. I only got the EG/UG idea late, out of thoughts about PGHF’s “Jenny Greenteeth” in PR, which was screaming out for a link to nadia’s “Rusalka”. I wrote the EG version almost entirely from the scene-drafts of what’s now in AWW. At a rough estimate, the balance of time spent is about 50 to 1 in favour of the AWW. I think it shows. I hope it shows, even, because at one level that’s the message here. It's so much easier to write for the Edited Guide, in part because the bar is set so low.
I’m surprised and delighted by how well it reads. I don't see at the moment how I can top this one, but I've thought that before.
Pin(this vain enough?)

Ok, you've managed to convert me. I'll throw in with your mad scheme (check yahoo).

It really does show that the AWW version was crafted with much more care.

"At a rough estimate, the balance of time spent is about 50 to 1 in favour of the AWW. I think it shows. I hope it shows, even, because at one level that’s the message here. It's so much easier to write for the Edited Guide, in part because the bar is set so low."

You're right. It does show. It looks very well crafted and well thought out.

Bar low I'm not going to argue because I'd lose, but it can take a lot of time writing for the EG. I took three weeks or so to polish a few entries.

"Some elements were borrowed and adapted from earlier stuff : Solomon 2003, After Flixborough, Gunson’s Ride. (Gunson followed me about, damn him. One of the flaws is the remaining same-iness)"

Gunson's more than Flixborough? I smelled more Flixborough than anything else, but I might not be reading them closely enough.

Hey Jodan

Sorry, that was an unthinking remark. You're stuff is good, and the diligence is obvious.

The trouble with low bars everywhere (not the kind with the low-life clientele, btw. I quite like those...) is that they kill the point of the enterprise. If hootoo doesn't encourage contributors to work at their contributions, then what is it for, exactly?

Yeah, a lot of Flixborough, with the different voices, but I like Flixborough, and I'd always intended to try that device again. Gunson, on the other hand, is a pompous old git who likes the sound of his own flatulence.

I have this disconcerting suspicion about the overblown Victorian literary style. If mmicking it comes so easily, maybe it's my natural mode of speech

Richard Thompson... oh yes, he was that one in the Waltons.



That all explains why it felt like reading pages from a case study folder, which occurred to me about half way through. It's verging towards interactive - as reader you feel you're doing some of the unravelling. A step on from Gunsons where you're taken for a run away ride. And dumped on the ground afterwards to do your own research into the detail in a daze. And here there was a nice EG entry for that . The EG piece appears simple compared to this. Straightforward, easily read, all the facts easy to pick up.

There is much more meat to the AWW version. Far more to it. It's an experience to read in a way the EG one is not. Which is as close as I can get to saying whether the 50:1 shows.

The 'dippy' research - did you plan that or do it instinctively and realise why afterwards? The amount of planning (I always used to imagine that after doing the research writers just sit down and ...write.) and the alternatives on that thread were interesting. Prefer what you've done to the party idea.



Do you need each piece to top the previous one? I'd have thought the achievment was in finding a thoroughly satisfying way to tell a different story? And is there going to be another round of sniffing when Trout gets back?


Waz (off to ring the brewery about the low bar)

The overblown Victorian style suited the over confident Victorian times though, no?

Shut up about the Waltons, or Jodan'll go and write the Entry.

And stuff Gunson. Gunson was self-indulgence. This one seemed to indulge itself with me.

Dippy research, yeah, it was deliberate. I'm not sure that the reasons given above are all of the reasons, though. The story was starting to write itself : what if Lee was a murderer, but Miss Keyse wasn't the victim? I suspect I was dipping because I was hiding from finding too much fact to admit fiction. And this is voyeurism, right? Low-life is so much more interesting when viewed through keyholes.

Topping the last piece v finding new and satisfying ways to write. Same thing, really, in my book. There really is no point in writing the same thing again and again unless you're getting paid for it.

I just hope Trout does come back. Great minds think alike in low bars.

Pin

Whuh?

Ooops, too late ?

When does research become voyeurism?

I thought Trout was just RL occupied.

Pbuh?

Is that an American spelling Jodan?

*puts on helment*

Er.... ye-es?

I thought Jodan was eschewing U's, so it should be "pbh".

Research becomes voyeurism as soon as you start enjoying it.

Hope you're right about fish-features.

Then it was British English.

*drops piano*


I enjoyed researching Ruddy Ducks