h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Witness - A4832723
Author: Flameisgold - U1652413

I've submitted this story before - but have since made a few changes.

Any feedback would be more than welcome.

This stunned me.... touched me deep inside ....

it's great...

ian

Hello Ian,

Thank you so much for your feedback.

Flame

It's a great piece.

Must look for more!

Ian

Hello Flame,

Your writing is always no less than perfect! Having read this piece again I can't tell the difference between the two versions, but whatever alterations you made must only have had an improving effect! Having said that, it is a disturbing tale, unrelieved at any point, which leaves the reader feeling almost as 'down' as the victim.
Of course, that is your aim. The situation is not one for light relief!

I think though, frontiersman, that the title operates at many levels .... we become witnesses ourselves as we read .... and not passive ones either ... we are drawn in deep....

flame is is indeed an excellent writer....

Hello Flame. It's been a long time since we spoke.

I remember your original story very well. This version is, if anything, slightly more chilling.


Congratulations - your changes are superb

Thanks Chips and Frontiersman for your comments. Your feedback is always appreciated.

Flame

Our pleasure, Flame

This is really terrific. It's a very powerful piece of writing and is well-executed. You might want to take a look at the formatting - some of the punctuation isn't showing up right, and I can't tell what's actually supposed to be a question mark and what is an error - but all around this is very well-written indeed.

Hello echomikeromeo,

Thanks for your comments. I'd almost forgotten about that particular story - but it's always nice when you discover that somebody has not only read your work, but has also taken the trouble to review. Thanks for that! Much appreciated!!!!

Flame

Hello again, Flame. We'd like this one for an UnderGuide entry too. Congratulations again!

Actually it's two years this month since this was first voted for, before you left the site for a bit. Then we lost track of the reinstated entry. Better late than never, though.

The h2g2 staff do want us to put a warning, that readers might find the piece disturbing, at the beginning of the UG copy that will be linked to from the front page. And as is standard BBC practice, to add some links to 'if this has affected you' type help and advice.

Thank you for contributing here, Flame.
UGeds

I'm really pleased to hear that this story has made it to the UG.

Also a disclaimer might actually encourage more people to read it. So that's very good also!!!!

Many thanks,

Pauline

Hello! The polished UG version of 'The Witness' is here:

A19307054

Hope you approve - we'll be putting the warning in at the top shortly and we'll post again to run that past you.

UGEds

Thanks! I'm very happy with the polished version.

And we've now got the warning in place, if you want to have a look at that.

Yes, that's fine. Thank you.

I do hope people will read this story.

your stuff always rocks....... but then you know that by now i hope....

Thanks Ian. And ditto!