h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A529814

I'm putting this up for peer review because I thought that someone might beinterested in what I have to say as a writer and pen fanatic. I also want to see if I'm using the GuideML correctly!

I didn't think it was a bad entry at all, but it does not consider the keyboard or typewriter. You say in your concluding paragraph that the pen is so important because it is most comfortable for the writer, but I feel more comfortable typing on my keyboard than writing with a pen.

I was considering mentioning the keyboard - but the whole point of the piece was that it was from the perspective of a *pen* lover. Might put a mention in there - but I'll sleep first

As most of this article is about writting, it might be an idea to move the stuff about pens so that it is all together at the end. If you rename it to be about writting, and expand the stuff about pens to talk about the connection between the author and the reader when reading and writting with pen and paper, then I think that will probably improve it.

Not much about pens at all really.

I'm a big fan of the flair-tip marker. But my brother likes a nice ballpoint. And as you mentioned, you like the fountain pen.

For an entry on pens, I'd expect to see discussions regarding the relative merits of each type of pen, a brief bit on the pen's origins, etc.

You've got a nice style to your writing, but I didn't really find much stuff about pens in the entry.

Keep at it though!

- X

Done a bit of a rewrite folks. Any improvement? Thanks for the suggestions. Do they sell coke here? I'm thirsty...

OK, context-wise it's better, but you're still writing in first-person, which I understand is not really acceptable in the Edited Guide. I suggest one more minor revamp putting the first into third person, and putting your personal opinions into blockquotes.

Hope that helps

I only use the word "I" once, and only use the word "my" noce. The thing about the usage of "I" is that it says "I personally think". I've said this because it would be unfair to state my opinion as fact. Help! How can I change that?

As for the mention of the word "my", I could remove it - it's just me saying that I like the fountain pen.

Should I do this :o)?

Just use the blockquote tag. If you look at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A340921 you will get an explanation of how to use it and a useful example, in order to put your personal opinions into a quote. This generally works better in the Edited Guide.

OK, some more fiddling. Better?

Hmm...I kind of meant for you to put all the first person stuff together and indicate that it is 'the researcher's opinion', but maybe it'll be OK now. I'm not an official scout, so you can't take my word as gospel anyway, but I'm pretty sure that up until the last edit you did it probably wouldn't have been accepted.

Nice work

I really wanted to like this one, because of the title. But I was expecting more stuff about the joys of pens, how they work, how they are made, some history and what they give the writer (e.g. Time. Much of what you suggest applies equally to other writing mediums. You obviously like pens. Let that show through. (Great graphic btw)

I really like this entry - "fountain of dreams" - lovely phrase. It's written wonderfully, and the piccy really sets the whole thing off...

You might want to link to these two entries:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A257960
http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A526178

On fountain pens and pencils, respectively.

I do feel, though, that you need to have a deep think of exactly what you want to write about here. Is this meant to be an entry on the Joy of Writing? On Styles of Writing? On Why Writers Love Their Pens? I dunno - at the moment the entry feels like many small fractions of *great* entries - whereas what would be better is a single, self-contained, *great* entry.

What do you reckon - am I completely off the mark here?

Quite nice!

It's recommended, but I can't promise anything...

Good luck!

Pssst... Tilly - you're not meant to mention that it's recommended until the towers get back to you...

RE: Poison pen - there's quite a nice lyric by a guy called Tom Mcrae - 'If words could kill/I'd spell out your name'. Just thought i'd mention it...

This entry is *almost* there... but not quite. Looking at Lucinda's comments in PR I'm convinced that the entry needs a little more work, a little more direction. It is certainly well written, but (and again I agree with Lucinda) the entry can't make up its mind what it's really about (pens? writing? self-expression? diaries? novels?) and as a result it seems to lack substance. I suggest we put it in the Writing Workshop for now, but I'm totally convinced that, combined with the author's obvious writing talent, a little tightening up and direction will make this a superb entry.

Sam.

Editorial Note: This conversation has been moved from 'The Writing Workshop' to 'The Flea Market'.

...as the author of this entry seems to have 'left the building'.

I'll have a go at taking this one on

The new entry can be found here - A20563913

Emmily