h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Love - A3913733
Author: human8471 - U1071908

An attempt to picturise the human relationship which changes with the time.

I have read your story and it touches many human dilemmas. I think you could develope the psychology in the persons in a short story or even a novel. In this short entry we fly very fast through approximately 15-20 years time.

I have some comments on the language - although English is not my first language. But it has to wait as I'm in the middle of work.

Best of luck
tartaronne

Thanks! This helps me to go ahead with my interest- to write. Though 'LOVE' is a true story but I have mentioned it in Fiction.
I am interested to write only real experiences, anyway thanks again.

Hi again, I just wanted your valuable comments on my other writings. I assure you, you wont get bored by reading it. Its based on my own different experiences.
Awaiting for your valuable words.
Thanks for devoting time.

Hi

Sorry I haven't been able to comment yet. And for the next four days I must write a lot of articles to meet a deadline. I will return.

And keep up the writing

Must w*rk*

Hi human!

(It felt funny saying, 'hi human' - like I was a character in a bad science fiction story.)

'Love' is a very moving story, indeed - sad, happy, distressing, hopeful.

Please, please, please continue to follow your desire to write. I believe your experience has probably filled you with many compelling stories that will touch hearts and, with a little luck, move minds.

Without resorting to comments about grammar or punctuation or whatever (there's always time enough for that), I have one simple suggestion for you. Add an extra return after each paragraph in your story. (Like this message.)

It will make your excellent work more appealing to the eye and, in fact, easier to read.

Keep up the good work, human!


m

Hello Michealdetroit,
Your words have encouraged me to pen down more real life stories.
Pls explain me what exactly "Add an Extra return after each..........., will you pls write and express, so that next time I will keep it in mind to make my writings more interesting.
Thanks

I'm glad to hear you will write more. By 'add an extra return' I just mean put in an extra line of space between your paragraphs. I'll use the beginning of 'Love' to show you. Instead of the way it is now, you could make it look like this:

--------------------

"Even I wanted the same necklace like Sara", said Sarika to her brother-in-law.

Sara and Sarika were motherless since childhood. Sara, three years older than Sarika nurtured Sarika like a mother. Sara was a cool tempered, sensitive and reserved nature girl. Both of them grew in a lower middle class status under their father's supervision.

Sara, while working in a firm, came into the contact of her boss Roshan. Their relationship ended (no started ) with happy marriage. Sarika was very happy to be a sister-in-law of high standard person. Soon Sarika was offered a job in the same firm. Sarika carried herself gracefully with a wonderful smile on her face. She was very naughty and soar like a butterfly in the office, without any botheration of ups and down of life. Everyone liked this blooming girl.

Slowly Sarika's waywardness brought her close to her brother-in-law. Sara always took Sarika's prank childish. Both Sara and her husband loved Sarika. Wherever Roshan and Sara went for week ends Sara accompanied them. Whenever Roshan brought any gift for his wife, Sarika demanded the same. Sara affectionately fulfilled her sister's demand. Mike, Sarika's colleague always searched some or the other excuses to be with her. Finally both of them tied the knot of to be forever. Mike and Sarika started their life with the strong pillars of love and faith.

--------------------

Do you understand what I mean?

If you would like some help with the grammar and language use and so on, let me know. In any case, yes, please do write more of your experiences!

m

Hi,
I wholeheartedly appreciate your explanation and will be grateful if you really take some time to correct my grammar. I clearly understood what exactly you mean to explain me. Thanks.
I request you to enjoy my other writings, especially GULAM and
UNFORGETTABLE DAYS.

I just posted 'SENSE' in Peer Review, pls take some time for the writing and send your comment on it. Positive as well as negative.
Thanks.

Hi human...

(That still makes grin)

I strongly - STRONGLY - suggest you take your entry out of Peer Review as quickly as you can. It doesn't meet the guidelines for the edited Guide and I would realy really hate for you to be discouraged by the reaction you might get there.

Please keep it in AWW for now and let's talk about it. Then, when we get it in line with the guidelines, I will do all I can to support you in PR.

For now, please (please!!!!) click the little X next to SENSE in the list. Let's give it the best chance we can!


m

I accepted your advice and have removed it from Peer Review and put it in AWW.

Thank you!!!! Believe me, I'm on your side here. (And you can expect some encouraging observations form some other folks in the near future, as well, I believe!)

I apologize, because I have to go take care of some other business, but I will spend some time with your work later this evening and write back to you very soon!

I look forward to working with you on your writing!


m

Hi,
Just a reminder to please go through my writings and send some comments to improve it.

Thanks

Hi...

I havven't forgotten you. I am having a couple of very busy days at work, but I will send you some comments as soon as I can!!!

m

This is a really touching piece of writing.

This innocent style is very effective when describing emotionally-challenging events like the breakdown of relationships. By taking the drama out of a scene, you can leave it to the reader to imagine the characters feelings.

Thanks for posting it.

Pin