h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Now you may not think that i can one up you, mr gerbil king, but i can. I have a hamster, the most vile creature known to man(except of course for lions and tigers and most other things that can eat you). They also have the opposite sleep cycle problem, and the gnawing problem, but there is one thing that make a hamster worse(besides http://www.hamsterdance.com), the wheel. The wheel which your hamster will invariably run on all night long. Now this wouldn't be so bad if it was simply the clatter of the claws on the metal wheel, but the wheel squeaks. "Well oil it" you might say, but dont you think we tried? it might be god for 10 sec. or so, but then the hamster pisses on it or smething, and that wretched noise stars all over again. Help Me!!