h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Dear Dr of Mechanism - A23318660
Author: Just Gina - U3960866

Dear Gina:

I've just read several of your poems, and although I like some of the imagery, I always end up with no idea at all what the situation is, only that the emotions involved are sincerely felt.

I suspect that's because you're *starting* the poem where you want us to end up, with the hook, so to speak.

Not objecting to the situation's being nebulous - that's good, too, because then we could put our own tune to those words - just asking for a bit...more, if you know what I mean, in the way of setup.

Do you know e.e.cummings? I think he might have done very well the kind of thing I mean.

http://www.americanpoems.com/poets/eecummings/11893

Keep 'em coming.

Hi Dmitri

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings and post some feedback, it's much appreciated.

Whenever I write, whatever I write, it does tend to be of the there and then, a stream of consciousness of something happening, or being observed. So in that respect I suppose it is very personal, but I do like to thrown in an air of ambiguity, a little artistic license.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by >> in the way of setup<<
You mean you're after the whole story? There either usually isn't one or it would be way too long to set in this form of writing. Let me know if I've misunderstood.

No, basically I meant that you have to give the reader *something* to hang the feelings on, a hint or suggestion of a time or place.

Of course, the fact that the reader will then, *fully confident that he knows the true story*, make up something in his head that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike what moved you to write the poem is just...

Gravy.

Example? I can think of the lyrics to Paul Simon's 'The Dangling Conversation'.

Or this, which I can quote because it's unpublished, and I know the author personally...

When one fine afternoon
Three roses bloomed
And you took two,
Why is it the next night I found myself
In your dark closet, crying?

Love, one day can not undo
The demon knot, and make things right,
But remember:
We have more than time.

Now, that might say something to you, and it might not, but it guaranteed won't get you back to why the guy was in the closet.

I agree with Dmitri about this poem. I like some of the imagery -eg 'bridge across forever'..
I also agree that, in poetry, it's often better to hint than it is to state things baldly. But I think we could do with more of a steer about the cause of the emotion.

Oh, but now all I want to know was why he was in the closet and what was he doing

Ok, I *think* I know where both of you are coming from. I just wish I were more accomplished to actually implement your suggestions. Or at least be more objective, obviously it all makes perfect sense to me I'll certainly bear what you've said in mind for future ramblings.

Thanks both so much for your suggestions though, and likewise, keep them coming. I've had a peek at some of your writings, you're both really rather good

Oh, and nice to see you again mVp