h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Science Lesson - A21333953
Author: CommCorr - U1615166

Hey!
Please read and comment on my first poem (it's very heavily 'inspired' by Michael Rosen, and I'm not trying to get praise for copying him, so please don't be funny with me about it!)!
Thanks!

That's all I have to say.

Thank you.

This is amusing and reads as if it's written from life.

I'm not sure if it is, strictly speaking, a poem; it's more like a short play.

Wonderful, and quite true to life, unfortunately. As a beginning teacher myself, I understand the difficulty class management posses! It is unfortunate that this teacher seems so horrid at it, but it makes for funny reading! Well done.

Got to laugh and wince at the element of truth in this at the same time. It's neatly done.

I read it yesterday, without reading this thread and it didn't occur to me at the time that it was a poem. I can see that now, or rather I can see what your trying to do. Good on you for trying it. A quick reaction, based on my not seeing it as poetry, is that it needs a touch more poetry in it to trigger that in readers' minds. Mine anyway.

A touch more rhythm, a little more variety in word choice at the start of lines? Maybe.

It was in any case an entertaining read.

Should ‘The probability of the approximate room temperature…’ be ‘The probability that the approximate room temperature…’ btw, or are you sending the teacher/keywords board up?

Waz

Congratulations CommCorr , the <./>underguide</.> miners made your Science Lesson one of their May picks for the UnderGuide.

We'll be sending an UnderGuide polisher along to have a word about any polishing up. They'll create a copy of it to link to from h2g2's front page, then it'll go into the UnderGuide archive.

Thank you and congratulations again , play or poem, it's an entertaining read.
UGeds