h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last
two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new
jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. (Touch of The Full Monty there!)

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing
up into the toilet.

Only one British artist has created false eyelashes using dead fly's legs

What defines Britishness?
The ability to give away an empire with out noticeing.

The ability to give a welfarestate back to the rich without riots

Mammary glands have alot to answer for

With prevailing westerly winds we build most of our nuclear power stations on our east coast

Grrr!! With prevailing westerly winds we build most of our nuclear power stations on our WEST coast

The Monarchy.
The Bobby.
Fish and Chips.
Bangers and Mash.
The Pub.

Posting an 'Ask' question in the Games Room.

Checking whether holiday accommodation includes a teapot.

Trying to take horses on trains. Or is that Welshness?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-13437279


Geggs

Having a summer wardrobe which never really wears out.

i have a wardrobe all year round that never wears out!!!!

i keep my clothes in it

Have a judiciary so out of step with reality that it tries to maintain a court order that has already been broken and so is completely useless?


Geggs

Not to mention a 5-year dictatorship which calls itself a democracy....

A1303101

Living in a multi cultural area and saying how you absolutely love it.

I heard a great anecdote last night, which I am pleased to pass on.

A friend-of-a-friend works for the department of work and pensions. His job consists, among other things, of going round to people's houses to explain what benefits they're entitled to - quite a lot of people either need help or don't know they're entitled to stuff, so a lot goes unclaimed by people who really need it.

So... he goes to this old guy's house, a man whose wife has recently died. It's in a rough bit of town, and the house looks a bit dilapidated. Geezer answers the door, and the smell is rank. As our hero enters, he's barged to the side by a large Alsatian/German Shepherd dog which trots into the house.

He takes a seat among the detritus and declines a cup of tea. Old geezer peels a teapot off the floor and goes and makes one. DWP man observes piles of old cigarette butts, and tries to ignore the smell. As he starts showing the old fella some forms, the dog is doing that thing dogs do, where it drags its bum across the carpet. Old fella doesn't bat an eye, so neither does our man.

His resolve is tested, however, when a few minutes later the dog squats on the carpet and does an enormous, smelly shit right in the middle of it. It stinks. Our man expects the householder to berate the dog, or at the very least suspend the meeting while he clears it up. Nothing. Geezer doesn't bat an eyelid.

By now the smell is unbearable, so our hero pleads another appointment, offers to send more info in the post, and leaves. As he does so, the old man asks him...


...



...


"Aren't you taking your dog?"

It's at this point the realisation dawns. "It's not my dog."
"It's not mine. I thought you had it for security."

Only in England would two men sit opposite each other while a large dog each assumed belonged to the other did a massive dump on the carpet in front of them, without either of them saying a word for fear of appearing impolite.

I love this country.

putting tomato ketchup on gourmet food