h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think one of the worst feelings in the world is the extended feeling that there's something that you want to do more than anything and the knowledge that you are completely capable of doing it but you can't quite pin down what exactly it is.

Another one is nausea.

I think that's one of the best feelings, for all the same reasons!

I agree with you on nausea, though.

You mean you enjoy the complete futility of... of... okay, for lack of a more sophisticated word, of ignorance?

I can't stand it. I would like to figure out exactly what it is I want to do, and stop having deja vu about things because it tends to make me think that's something to do with it. Like the book on my desk for example, and the other book on my desk, and the colored pencils yesterday, and this morning with the cheese. It's driving me mad, it really is.

Given the choice though, I'd probably take this over nausea.

Well here is one for you to tackle. Can you conform and keep completly all of your independence?

One what?

No, you can't, and I hope this doesn't become an argument because it'd be an inane one. Like trying to prove that gravity works in a downward direction when people are completely convinced that it goes sideways. It's absurd.

What's that got to do with anything?

No, really though, I believe that it's got something to do with something, and I'd very much like to know what it is.

well i was curious to see your respons to it. not many can answer that question.

I usually assume that when someone poses a question like that, there's some underlying bit that isn't patently obvious at first, so that you have to really think about it objectively to come up with it. But I can't find it in that question, so either I'm very, very dense tonight or that's not the sort of question anybody should be unable to answer.

As far as I can make out, those 'somethings' are what keep people moving through life as individuals. I think the changing and discovering bit is the important bit in life, not the imagining that there's something or somewhere that you think will be 'the answer', or 'the thing you should be doing'. Isn't that what DNA meant by humourously suggesting there was 'an answer to L, the U and E'?

Personally, I know that there's WAY to much interesting stuff in the world for me to think that there's just one thing I should be doing or focusing on. Trying out everything and settling naturally on some things is the way to go for me - I'm a grazer. Some people think differently, though - they seek 'the one thing' and seem to be frustrated and never to be satisfied. I think it's important to watch the scenery going by, rather than only to imagine what the end of the journey will be like if I ever get there!

Of course, I secretly think that there's 'one thing' for me as well, but I don't let it bother me too much. I reckon I'm much more likely to stumble upon it if I'm moving through, rather than standing still looking for it. But hey, that's just me!

This is far too introspective, soul-searching and interesting for you to carry on with this. I thought we were supposed to be silly around here.

No, actually, I'm quite enjoying it. Please continue. Gimme a hypothetical one, pretty please?

Okay, good point. But I do notice now that you misunderstand (if only lightly)—the thing I can't figure out that I want to do is not exactly my life's work. It's just something that I suspect I'd like to be doing. Like writing a particular story, or getting another cat. I can't say precisely what sort of thing it is, for rather obvious reasons, but it's nothing momentous. It just so happens that there is so very little going on right now that I have all this time to wonder what's wrong with me that I can't even figure out what this simple little hobby is that I've been meaning to take up. I'm not worried about the 'one thing' for me.

You're right though. Without things like that nothing would ever change. Of course, I don't have to enjoy it... I should, but I don't have to.

The only thing you can completely conform to while still retaining complete independence is, obviously, your own identity. I think.

Of course you can partially conform to other things but these tend to become part of your identity and then you are back to square one.

I know what you mean: It's like you're bored so you curl up with a book and 3 hours later you realise that the book is crap and then you realise the phone's been off the hook and there's a perfectly good party you could have gone to if only your best friend, Peter (or whoever) had been able to call you.

Or not.

Yeah, I get you - the little things we'd quite like to have a go at, but can't quite pin down. We suspect that we'd get involved and interested, and maybe enthusiastic, but don't quite know which way to start walking to get on the right path.

I'm constantly thinking that about writing. I have a bunch of ideas in my head that mutate, evolve, blossom and wilt, and I can hardly ever get round to starting on one of them because I'm not sure it's ripe yet. That's what stops me writing - not a shortage of ideas, more an indecision paralysis. According to most writers, the only way to progress is just to think "what the hell" and just start writing - you will nearly always converge naturally on one of the paths if you keep going. It's the starting which is the hard bit, not the act of doing.

So - just go for it - don't stop to analyse whether it's 'right' or 'appropriate' for your mood, or whatever. You only get to make choices once you're moving, etc. etc. Nike's slogan is quite powerful, when you think about it. So is Yoda's "There is no try - there is only do, or do not." (Or something like that).

Just do it.

I did start writing something. I think it will go very well. It's going all right now, at any rate. I don't really lack inspiration for writing, because I find I can write about any stupid useless thing whether it's worth writing about or not. So if I sit down and think of something worthwhile, I can have fun.

I've also started a project. A project I started two years ago but I always lose interest and then go back to it months later and decide I don't know what I was thinking and start over.

And I've started a business. And a volunteer job that's likely to help me get a real job with the company in the fall.

And a book. Er, no. Two. Coffeetable books, mock art, mockumentary, one of each that is, that will probably go nowhere but which I've rather been enjoying working on.

There was a reason I was telling you th... oh, right. It's mostly the fact that I seem to have plenty to occupy my time that makes it bother me so much when I begin to feel certain there's something else and something better that I've been meaning to do if only I could remember it.

Also, I have entirely too much time to visit H2G2 and douglasadams.com and things. Something is dreadfully wrong with my life. It works okay in practice, but on paper, it... the math doesn't... you...

Damn it, I can't take this.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let's have a big hand for... The Human Condition! *cheers*.

I don't think I know anyone who hasn't felt that at some time or other. I blame films and TV mostly, making us think that there are these perfectly structured lives where everything works out well and every problem gets a solution and nice neat closure.

But it just ain't so! Chances are you're not doing anything wrong, you're not missing out on something better, and you're doing as well as your are able. Not as well as your dreams say you are able, but, hey, that's dreams for you. 'Muddle on through' is one of the most depressing, yet realistic, phrases that I've found that applies to real life. Even those that you think are sorted really aren't.

And just think, lots of people look at you and think 'Hey, Kristina Marie's really sorted!' (until you directly let them know otherwise - oops!)

Yeah, well, there's that. It's fine and all. The fact that it's not unique is not nearly enough to make me keep from complaining about it from time to time.

It wouldn't be so bad, I think, if it were just the feeling that there's something better out there. Nah, that's normal. It's the feeling, however, that I knew at one point, and that if my mind would just focus for a bit I'd remember it, that's the one that gets to me. And I'd probably find I'd already started it. Or something.

This is perhaps normal anyway. But it bothers me. Not that I don't know, really, but that I know I know, and I still don't know.

I know you know you don't know. Everyone knows that really, and it's knowing that everyone knows you know you don't know that binds us all together.

We're all looking for the thing we lost really. I'm guessing that it probably wasn't as interesting or exciting as some of the things we're gonna find though! I can hardly wait...

No no no! You don't know that. I know you don't, 'cause I know it's not so. I do know. That's precisely the point.

But... yeah.

Um, never mind. Whenever this was, I wasn't listening, was I? Strike that last bit, eh.