h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I'm quite wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.


When I woke up This Morning
The dawn was soft and still
A little Robin came and sat
Upon my window sill
He tipped his head and looked at me
his eyes so bright and clear
He chirped a little melody
My morning thoughts to cheer
His song he sang so sweetly
Without a moments lull
I gently closed the window
and crushed his effin' skull.


Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter, I guess!


Little Miss Muffet
Crouched on her tuffet,
Collecting her shell-shocked wits.
There dropped (from a glider)
An H-Bomb beside her
Which frightened Miss Muffet to bits.


Mary had a little lamb.
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time that it got out,
Mary would put it back in again.


Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was black as soot,
And every time that Mary stopped,
The lamb stood on her foot.


Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow.
She walked past a butcher shop
but the lamb went by too slow!


When Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were surprised,
But when Old McDonald had a farm
You should have seen their eyes!


To the game young knight,
the maid offered her honour.
Obsessed with her beauty,
he honoured her offer.
And all night long,
it was honour and offer.

Mary had a little lamb,
She threw it up a pylon.
40,000 volts shot up it's bum
and turned its wool to nylon.