h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Stress and Nervous Tension Caused by Exams, a How to Deal With Guide:


Having got more than enough friends doing exams, I thought I would update you all on how to get past them sane!

It is a well known fact that stress and nervous tension are well know phenomena in this day and age. I have a friend. Very many in fact who get a terrible amount of stress put on them in a very short period of time and then have it all taken off all at once allowing complete and utter unwinding of this stress. This stress causes great deals of problems with the very nature of the fabric of space time. This is why when we are in universities the most extreme stuff that happens to us, happens, and happens all at once. If we continue doing this there is going to be a catastrophe of some kind.

Stress. Its a disease. A contagious virus that you can catch if your around a lot of it. Lost of stress all at once makes lots of people very nervous all at once and can cause large groups of people do some not very smart things. Stress can make you do things, lots of things, and can be quite a useful tool. However like all tools wielding it is somewhat of a art form and unfortunately we are not all great artists, nor are we all great idealists. Its quite easy to see that stress as a tool can make you do as much bad as you can do good. So how to use it in this way? Well there is cleaning, cooking, ironing, anything like that to do? Use your stress. You are stressed that these jobs are not done yes? Well if you use your stress to do these jobs rather than stressing that they are not done then you will get the jobs done and then have a whole bunch less stress and a clean house! This reduces the stress factor. But what happens when you have a lot of things, plus this extra stuff that you have to do and it all looks huge and you feel unable to do any of it? Well I meditate. But not everyone feels they can do this, and I agree, a lot of stress can make you temporarily forget what to do! What about a bath? That can work as well. It will make you clean and you can forget the stress. But this just distracts the problem, it may not get rod of it.

How to make sure the universe is not as stressful?
First of all the universe is big and full of stress. There are great ways to make it less stressful for yourself, like being organized (but this doesn't always work trust me, I am one of the most organized people I know and I get more stress from being organized than not). But there are things that just make it harder on all us students I would like to point out to:

To all exam time table planers:

All exams at 9:00 on a monday are to be banned. If I told you to turn up, half a city away to a place whereby you have to walk for 15 minutes to get anywhere useful and be there by 8:30 to avoid the rush and then told you to get into a stuffy hall, get out your ID Card, pens, pencils, and then put up with someone else having half a bronchitis fit in the conner while doing an 3 hour exam that will decide the next 15 years or your life, you would tell me in no uncertain terms to get lost. And its a BLOODY MONDAY FOR GODS SAKE!

Every year thousands of students pay to have this privilege.

To all people who claim students are slack time wasting whores spending precious tax payers money:

I live in Calwell. I go to uni, half a city away, it takes me 30 minutes to get there by car and 1 hour and a bit by bus. I take a bus most days as a car costs that tax payers money I don't have. In time to get to uni on a monday when I have a all day internship most weeks I get up at 5:30, walk the dog, have breakfast, check my email and am then out of the house by 7:30, I get to uni at 8:00 whereby I do a quick tour of the campus and then do my internship by 8:30. I then do an entire days unpaid work in the library which, by the way, I really enjoy. I get then to go home at about 5:30, get home by 6:30ish then have domestic stuff till 8:30 and then finally get to rest. 30 minutes later I go to bed so that I can get up in time to do my internship the next day. I am doing this for two weeks, twice, and then once a day for several months, twice. For free. In fact: I am paying $930 with interest to have this privilege. I have no idea what that $930 pays for, but I am determined to get every cent worth of it.

To all people who ask for graded resumes:

We study for about 15 weeks to get an exam. When we get an exam we get told its worth between 40 and 80 percent of our final grade. Ie its worth pretty much the entire course. This is great for a theoretical unit, since we have to prove we know the the theory. The theory is great, but it does not tell anyone how well we do in the real world. I don't know how many exams you have done. I have done a few thousand in my time, and they are great big things that are worth a lot of my grade. My grade will tell you how much theory I know, it will not tell you how much practice in the industry I have had. Nor will it tell you if I have actually done any real work in the industry, or indeed tell you what we did to get it. I have heard stories of people getting grades lowered made higher as they are full fee paying students, people having bias put on them as they are of a particular political, religious, or sometimes the fact that they do/don't look nice in blue. All of these storied can be heard from doing about 1 day of volunteer work in the SA office. A grade is just that, a grade. It just means that the person was able to know a certain percentage of theory. They are a indicator of knowledge, not a indicator of ability.

To lecturers who don't tell us what is in the exam:

Go away. Get lost. You have no purpose any longer as my teacher. You are unworthy as a lecturer or indeed as a member of the human race.
This is like me giving you a suspicious looking bottle telling you that its really nice, and expecting you to open it and drink it despite the fact it has "POSION" on it in big letters and despite the fact it has a skull and cross bones and more than a few billion warning labels. If you expect me to drink it, or indeed have faith in your ability to make it drinkable, you have another thing coming.

Other causes of stress during exams:

1. Other students complaining about stress.
Easy, don't listen to them.
2. Unprepared students you know are going to get a HD anyway.
Kill, maim, destroy, in your imagination and then get on with some study with the knowledge of a job well done.
3. Idiots who are frolicking about as they have done all there exams.
Do not, under any circumstances pretend to know them. In fact do not even acknowledge there existence if you can. They are a dangerous breed. They will try and convince you that your bit of study is not worth it and you should have some fun. Yes. Have fun. But remember that, 1. Fun is fun and you should not drink much and 2. you still have an exam and need sleep. 3. That they are not you, and you don't need to copy them. In fact don't copy them, think for your self.
4. People who don't know how stressful a 80% exam is but are caring people who will write a rant on how bad it is to get 80% exams.
They are your rock. Use them wisely. They do things like write this rant. They will have a certain level of "willingness" to do thing for you, they will not do everything. And instead can cause you more stress by telling to go read them.

Stress in other areas of life wile on exam watch:

Relationships.
Not having one causes you major stress when everyone else seems to have one. It pissed you off considerably when everyone assumes your not single, and when they do guess right they think your a hopeless loner who masturbates most of the time. Or at least thats what it seems like in your head.

Having one does as well.
Exams have this terrible effect on people. If your girl/boy/whatever/friend is on exam watch, you need to have the wisdom of a owl, the memory of a elephant, the dexterity of a monkey, the vision of a halk and if at all possible be an expert in the area of study. If you don't have these skills, instead, cook, clean, be tender and above all worship your chosen partner during the stress filled time, the rewards are bountiful.
If your relationship is ignored by exams and your partner is not dealing with it then get them to read this and they may be able to start to comprehend what you are going through.

Society.
Society is getting really stressful, you can't deal with its perception of you while your on exams? Well, the best way to get thought this is to imagine that they all have exams to, life exams. They are all going through life to. Remember that. You are going through life, they are as well, and they are going to fact up to exams as fast as you do. They all have 80% exams tomorrow and they all understand what you are going through, they all need to pass the test of crossing the road. They all need to pass the test of getting the car started and getting to work. They all need to pass the test of there bosses assessment at 9:37, and they all have a test tomorrow that is worth as much as yours is, but are not aware of it.
Just feel a bit lucky in the fact that at least you know your life is going to be tested on this day and you have a head start!
So get studying and enjoy it if nothing else, at least give yourself a reward for being able to get some done every now and again.

How else to deal with it?
1. Meditate.
If you don't know how, its probably not a good idea to learn today. Instead do something from the rest of this list.
2. Bathe.
Take a big bath, or shower. Its great. Gets rid of stress. Imagine all the stress just flowing off and down the drain. If in drought, then instead do something from the rest of this list.
3. Have sex.
This is always a good option to keep your mind off of things. If you don't have a partner you can always go solo, if you are the less promiscuous type then instead do something from the rest of this list.
4. BASH SOMETHING!
Punching bag, dishwasher, anything big, or small, and you can hit it safely without anyone else getting angry at you then bash it, or if you have a hole to dig in the yard, or something like that, then use your stress to do that.
5. Treat yourself.
Your on exams. Don't have to do all the stuff you always do. Treat yourself to something nice as your on exams. Chocolates, special coffee, fish, confectionary, anything like that is good.
6. Reception of some form that does not involve Alcohol.
Alcohol is a major depressant and is likely to cause major problems if you have to much of it. So do something that does not involve it.

Enjoy exams....

Glad you liked it.

Yep. It's just too bad I've already had them.

Still got me a few more to go :D