h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So take a olive branch in my hands move it to cross your hart and then take it and place it on the ground. It is baked in the sun there for 7 days and 7 nights and on the last morning it is picked up at twilight and placed into a vase. This vase is taken to a oracle who burns the vase and olive branch in a fire made of camphor wood and pine with sage and juniper berries. The ashes from this are collected and placed in a kilm with a lime tree that is in it full fruit. The fire is used to produce brown coal. This brown coal is mixed with 10 parts sand, 20 parts compost and 3 parts small stones and 1 part lime. In this is grown a new olive tree. Its fruit is picked and the oil extracted at the point at which its exactly 3 years old. The fruit and its oil is used to fry one fish taken from the sea on the last day of summer and the flour and water used for the bater are taken from a small welsh village with a unpronounceable name. The fish should then be eaten in quarters with the juice of the same lemon tree that was used in the creation of the ash. Once this task is completed you will know exactly how complicated growing decent olive oil can be.

Yeah, the secret is not to press the seeds into the oil. It makes the oil bitter.

Yes, that and making sure that the olives are picked at the right moment

You can't forget the incantation, either.

no, no you cant.

It's critical.

and the lime as well

Tell me, how did a tiny Welsh village come by a lime?

With great skill and ingenuity

Somehow, I do not find that a satisfactory answer.

Yeah well, no one ever does.

Care to expound?

Expound?

Minus the pound.

Care to Ex?

Sure, I'll leave. If that's what you really want. *opensdoor*

Huh? You set me up! NO don't leave! NOOOOO....

*closesdoorbehindher*

I don't want to be alone...

Should have thought about that before you asked me to leave.