h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The is a peace
that we can achieve
but I don't know how.

You can say what you want
but war will prevail
we will make sure
you hate everything
by the end of the decade.

You will hate and burn
and laugh and cry
and make your life
like I want you to.
The picket fence and the 2 dogs
and the children all 2.5 of them.

I hate this world
It makes me sick
To think that this is what
We will always have done.
You will get what you always get when
you always do what you always done.

Thats never enough.
Its not what I like
I want change
I want to change
I want out of these smelly cloves you have stained
With your weapons and guns
play your chess by yourself.
I am not your bishop any more I am
going to fight on the over side of the fence
were there is no grass to sit on.
I bet its no fun playing by yourself.

Loudspeaker.

Humanity. I come to you in Peace. However you have been charged with 1 account of destroying a planet. Called Earth in the Sol system, in the milky way galaxy. How do you plead!

I am as guilty as sin. I know I am.
I can't deny it. But I will fight it.
I will plead. I will plead.
Insanity your honer. I am not guilty, My race is not fit to look after its home world. This is obvious from there destruction of it. I plead your Honor that I am allowed 120 years to fix the place up and if its not done by that we get the entire planet to shut up shop and you transport us to a world were are leaders can be as insane as they like.

Hmm... Humanity. I find you guilty. But since you seem to be insane for the last 40000 years I will give you 100 years to fix it up. Your time starts now.

Poor Yorik. He did not tell the king. And now he's dead.
And now he's dead.
I knew him well.
Weather it is nobler in the mind
is it nobler in the soul?
is it to be or not to be?
was it ever 1975?
I don't know but can't remember it
However I was born in 1983 so I am not likely to
Who gives a flying...

Humanity Your 100 years is up. The time is now. On this day December 31'st 2010 Your entire planet will be destroyed. Hope you have a nice eternity.

Oh well. We will have the biggest party the world has ever seen! Or should I say will see?

*takes off the hat*

At least with those rapid renovation reality TV shows, we're on the right track to making this place look like we didnt trash it. All we have to do is give them two days, a TV crew, and some crappy theme for them to claim they are imitating.

Im too cynical sometimes.....

Indeed.

I hate those sort of shows. Infact I will right my next rant about it.

Splendid.

Oh well I didn't but I will eventually right a rant about it