h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well I haven't done this for a while so I thought I would let you all in a little more closer to my hart as it where. My dark and twisted soul (if I have one I imagine this is what has happened to it) had already been sold to the devil (if he exists) for a perfectly ordinary life (predictably he/she has given me one of the weirdest on offer). My primary school having not taught me anything for the last year (note: remember to tell them your in year 6 at this stage) I had given up doing anything extremely exiting till next year. While I waited out the long and boring year, I did some amazing things in my head (because I had a lack of anything else to do, and since all my friends had left me to go to various places in various ways for various reasons) and then I met a guy we shall call the Hairy Grizzly Idiot or HGI. Now HGI was not at first a suspected idiot, in fact being the only other person in the school to actually know what a decent computer was (even if it was a IBM PC) and also being one of the only other of the sort of geek I am (if you want a definition I will shoot you). Anyway the days where getting long and hot so I spent most of my time in the library reading comics and so forth (with HGI doing stupid things with the school computers. This is the point at which HGI being the person he is, decided to ask me if I believed in a God. Of course as usual the answer which was I didn't technically speaking believe in god but did not deny that at any point he/she has no, will not, or can not, hither to have been existed. He said he thought that anyone who believed in god was an idiot. From this point on HGI became known as HGI. However this was not the major reason for HGI becoming HGI for that we have to skip three days

... sqweerk... hhhheerr... meeeshad.....and we added rice to the mixture...sqweee... oh at on my 67th birthday (whoa to far)... sweee... hurrrr....

Three days later.
(Few)
*little kid throws water bomb*
HGI: "Come here you little Sh*** I am going to **** **** You into ******** ****** a ****** ***** electrical ***** "
Me: "Its only a kid, he didn't even hit you"
HGI proceeds to use karate moves on a kid half his age and size.
Me: "Whow! Man the idea of karate is that its self defense not bash little kids up!"
HGI: "DO you think I give a flying **** "
From hence forth I thought HGI was an idiot.

Now what does this have to do with anything relevant or in fact apparent? well lets just change the characters a bit...

*little kid throws a water bomb*
GWB: Hey, you, you have weapons of mass destruction and must be annihilated!
TB: Now hear hear George, he is only a little kid.
GWB: Shut up and I will give you another lollypop.
TB: Yeah come here you little brat!
UN: Whow! man the idea of a army is that its self defense not bash little countries up!
France, Germany and Russia: Yeah! What he said!
GWB: What about you Jhon?
JH: Well thats a very interesting question and I think it lies in this point, I will never ever introduce a GST.
Everyone looks at Jhon Howard.
Everyone shrugs.
GWB proceeds to bash little country to smithereens.

Now does that make any sense?
No?
Your still reading it though.
I mean if I where you I wouldn't spend my day sitting in front of a computer. Nope you see I would be sitting in front of MY computer writing stupid things like this. So there.

Just so you know I have a terrible feeling that there is going to be something really big happen soon. Any day now there will be one of those events that lasts for at least 3 days, like September 11, or Diana's death, or that spaceship arriving in Hyde park london... wait a second I have been reveling information about the future again haven't I? Shit. Sometimes I really wish I could keep a trap on my lip....

can i have a definition of what kind of geek you are?

No.

youre not even going to shoot me?

I never siad that. "Hello assassins are us? yes I have another target for you, yes I can pay the million dollar front up fee..."

Oooh, put a price on my life.

http://www.humanforsale.com/

$1,799,994.00 Pay up.

Damn, I haven't been to highschool, so I can't answer a lot of their questions...

never went to highschool? were you homeschooled?

I did go to highschool, but it works a lot diffrently here I have no idea what a SAT score is.

We have a different school system, of course... which is why I can't answer what my SAT score is...

ah, scholastic achievement test or stinkin' aptitude test. 1600s the highest 200 is the lowest. well, 200 if you put your name on it...

ah so its like an AST, HSC, VST or any of the other 6 diffrent scores you could have here.

We don't have any of 'em over here.

We've also got the ACT. I only have eight standardized tests that I have to take this year. Nope, I lied, ten. Going back to the original thread, did anyone check out Bush's State of the Union address last night? Ha.

I can't stand the Monkey Man.

Neither can I. Nope, what did he say? I heard you're all going to Mars? And that Hubble is going down?

He does resemble a disgruntled monkey, doesn't he? He didn't mention anything about Mars, thank goodness. What kind of an idiot would...anyway. He spent about twenty minutes (out of an hour (I'm supposing that time is the same in other countries )) defending the war in Iraq before moving onto the Patriot Act. *coughsplutterwheezegaspvomit* All of the Democrats turned purple and started clapping out of turn when he said it would expire soon. He basically gave a Bush version of Lincoln's 'don't switch horses in the middle of the stream' speech.

My Goverment is showing its dark conservative hart, they are going to try and win the election on EDUCATION! how stupid can you get?

Oh and Bush is as liekly to win off of that speach as a monkey is to get a banna out of a jar,unless he rigs it again.