h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Being a caregiver is one of the most frustrating jobs in the world. And the most frustrating part is knowing how much to do, how much of my will to impose, and how to determine what is really best for my mother.

It all boils down to quality of life issues. Modern medical practices are wonderful in lots of ways. But I don't think that the ethics are keeping up with the science and technology. Keeping someone alive just because we can, no matter what that does to the patient's quality of life, seems to be the current ethical norm. This seems especially true to me when we are dealing with the elderly. What they actually want is totally ignored by both the medical establishment and the courts.

The bottom line folks is that none of us get out of this life alive. Why can't we let old people die with some dignity, in their own homes, even if that means a few months less of life than if they were hospitalized or put into nursing homes? By treating death as the enemy and squeezing every single breath possible out of people we are actually making life the enemy and death the final blessed relief.

One situation I find absolutely ridiculous is that the state (my state, I'm not speaking for other places) will spend enormous amounts of money to keep an elderly person in a nursing home, but they won't spend a single penny for home health care, which would cost far less. It would also let the patient stay in their own home, which is where they want to be.

I've often thought that we have a much more merciful attitude to our pets than we have to our human relatives.

I think someone who stays at home to care for a dying person gets some kind of payment, but at this time, I can't remember what it's called. It does involve some dangers though, such as high taxes and socialism (or communism, as it's often translate to). Sorry... *takes off cynical hat*

I pay a woman to visit Mother for four hours a day, five days a week. She isn't an actual nurse, but she did work on ambulances as an EMT, emergency medical technician, for several years before she became ill and had to give it up. It's all I can afford. The state won't help at all. But if I forced her into a nursing homke, which I could do, they would fork over $3500 a month for that. It doesn't make any sense.

To me, it sounds like the best possible solution you could come up with regarding your circumstances

I agree, Hyp, about home care. I couldn't get anyone to help with my husband, because he could walk and get around without a cane...he just couldn't talk, or let anyone know when he was lost, etc. VERY frustrating, for both of us. After he stopped needing the feeding tube, he spent the days on his own, as I *had* to work.

Ti, you are right, we'll spend a lot of money on pet shelters, instead of helping our seniors. Not that pets don't need help, too.

My dad recently checked his insurance and medicare to see if he qualified for a "mobility scooter". These are the motorized chairs with the large tires for getting around the yard and house. He can walk but only for about 5 minutes at a go before his back makes him sit down. Since he doesn't need a cane or walker to get around inside the house, he doesn't qualify for the scooter to get around outside of it. They way I see it, no one qualifies for them that aren't already needing a full time wheel chair.

I just went through that experience myself! I can only walk for a short distance without having to stop and rest...sometimes I end up hanging on to a tree or a post, to keep from falling. I needed a "rollinator" -- one of those walkers that has a seat? I found out that Medicare will only approve it if I need it *in the house*, for which they send someone to your house to watch you get around! Excuse me, my apt is about 300 sq ft, I usually don't even need my *cane* to walk from one side to the other. I need the walker outside, where I actually have to *walk* somewhere, like to catch a bus! So, no go -- I had to pay the $150 myself.

I agree about the scooters -- unless you're in a wheelchair already, no one would need one *in the house* (my uncle is a double amputee, so he qualified for one). But seems to me a lot of folks get them, who appear to not be that limited, just uncomfortable walking.

Very little about the American medical system makes sense, yet there are enough people who are so loathe to change it that I don't expect any real improvement in my lifetime.

The mother of a friend of ours made a difficult decision based totally on quality of life--she's decided not to have cancer treatment beyond to original attempt at surgery. Not an easy decision, but, as she said, she's in her mid80s, and it's not like chemo or radiation is guaranteed to do anything other than make her miserable--if it doesn't work, it's not worth being constantly sick.

One of the worst things about my own mother's death at 53 was the fact that extended family* did not agree with the decision to go along with Mom's obvious wish to ditch the feeding tube (she kept pulling it out, and even managed to when her hands were tied down) and, since the way the doctor phrased things made it sound as if I had some say in the decision-making process (I didn't. My stepdad of over 20 years was also in the convalescent home, recovering from something else physical, and was fully competent.) I was strongly urged to insist that Mom have a stomach tube installed, despite the fact that the odds of her making it through that surgery were negligible, and her brain cancer was untreatable (third-hand info says the scan looked like tar had been poured over her brain and had seeped into may convolutions). Not a light burden for a 26-year-old who'd lost her father less than 3 years before...





*Actually, my inlaws...

Dang, Amy. That was indeed an awful burden for you at such a young age.

One of the things I hear from people who want to extend life in whatever way possible for as long as possible is that to remove a feeding tube/breathing tube/any sort of life support is playing God. They apparently feel all self-righteous about forcing people to stay alive. Well, isn't the truth of it that they're the ones playing God when they refuse to let nature take it's course?