h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We've had some new doors installed at works.

Firstly they installed a metal door into the machine room, OK, I thought, that'll stop people putting dents in it with the trolley.

Now they've installed a big glass tube. You wave your fob at it, type in your code, and the door opens. You get into the tube and it checks your weight, (only one person at a time) then the door closes behind you. Only then does the other side of the tube swing open so you can go in. (If you watch Spooks on BBC1 it's like their doors, except I don't think ours do X-rays.)

I have to go past a security officer and through two of these to get to my desk.

Should I feel safe or threatened ?

Hmmm. And how long have you been having these dreams?

We also take mobile phones, Blackberries, etc fromn all visitors. No photos allowed.

There is even talk that we should leave our personal phones in reception, and that we should leave our fobs at work when we go home.

Do you work somewhere terribly hush-hush like GCHQ or Porton Down?

Not at all - its just a computer centre - though we do have government work on site.

I should think it feels like being in prison.

Perhaps the idea of confiscating phones etc outside is to minimise distractions while at work!

I'm intrigued by this 'checking your weight' thing. Is that a security measure, or are you not allowed into that room if you're obese or a supermodel? What if your weight fluctuates each month because of water retention? What if you go on a diet or are ill for a few weeks and lose weight?

You work in a place that may become 'mobile phone free'?

That's my idea of heaven

::AHEM::

"Switch off your cellphone and don't talk during the movie or we'll take your ass out. Is there a loud table near you? Raise an order card to alert a waiter and a manager will take care of the problem."

The weight thing is to ensure only 1 person at a time.

The mobile phone thing is because now phones take photos, or can be connect to a machine and download information.

In terms of the annoying aspect of mobile phones, the annoying part here is they don't work. The machine room is like an enormus Faraday cage, radios don't work, TV signals are atrociuos.