h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I heard this fella on CBC last week:

http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/2009/200912/20091207.html

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200606/stewart-business

...and I started looking into the backgrounds of those who would have their way with me (in the employer/employee sense). I was interested to find that the majority of them had no formal training for the job of management. A couple of MBAs, some Accounting and technical degrees, most just worked their way up the ladder, through the hoops and walked across the fire pit. In this highly technical field I have to listen to electronics engineers, 'artists' and management. What a strange world we live in.

I was in 'management' for quite some time. My post-graduate degree in Anglo-Saxon poetry was a wonderful help.

At one point we hired a young man fresh from a couple of years of education in 'Turf Grass Management' to be our 'Superintendent'. What a farce.

On our staff we also had a gentleman who had been a part of that particular golf course for several decades as everything from 'Superintendent' to handyman and even an owner for a time. We kept him on because we recognized how valuable his experience of that particular patch of soil was to our business.

This new, educated youngster refused to even talk to the old fellow. One day I brought out one of my favourite stories to try to convince this sophomore that he should use the resource available to him. I told him about Disraeli being ridiculed by his fellow Parliamentarians because as Prime Minister he carefully kept his weekly tea appointments with Queen Victoria. He told his critics that the Her Majesty had been in daily contact with the government of the Empire through the administration of (I don't know how many) Prime Ministers and that a Prime Minister would be extremely foolish to forgo the opportunity of tapping into that experience.

I don't think my young Superintendent understood. He never did listen to the old guy.

When I took over outside I always listened to the old guy.

The thing is, lately *I'm* the old guy!

Our old guy was lucky: they young guys that were supposedly in charge of the place listened to him.

If they're going to insist on having business schools, that's the biggest thing they should teach: 'Listen to the old guy'

I was watching a documentary from... I'm guessing the late 70s, early 80s a few weeks ago. An old steam engine driver and his fireman were talking about how "these college boys" were coming in and taking over from the men who'd worked their way up from teaboy to managing director.

I've had direct experience of the business school mentality. They've learnt all about costs and labour percentages and targets and management bonuses, but nothing about people. The example given about how Frederick Taylor timed a few men for a short time and then extrapolated to concoct a theory of how things should be is alive and well today. It's so incredibly short sighted. You can't drive any machine, whether it be a piece of mechanical equipment or a human being, at full throttle continuously. It will break down very soon. But if you run it at what we might call cruising speed it'll last much longer. But your MBA types don't understand that. Maximum efficiency and maximised profits are all-important and cruising speed means higher labour costs. I overheard one manager gleefully telling another how happy he was that the setup they had meant that one particular employee could move from one position to another and then a third as the working day progressed, doing a different job each time, thereby doing away with any labour wastage or need for three employees and ::shock horror:: the possibility of a worker doing nothing for a few minutes.

Added to that these days is the urgency of making sure that the shareholders get a decent return. Customers always used to be the most important person for most businesses. Occasionally it was the workers who came first. Now the workers rate a poor third to shareholders and then customers.

I worked under a manager once who was like so many who excelled in their technical field and were eventually thrust unwillingly and unprepared into a supervisory position. This guy was different in that he turned his attention instead to developing what he called his "divide and hide" management strategy. It went like this:

His boss - "You're in charge of the whole project!"

Him - "Well, you know, there's really two parts to the project - hardware and software."

His boss - "Fine, you're in charge of software!"

Then he hid in his office for a time before approaching his boss.

Him - "I've been thinking that we ought to split software into software development and software testing."

His boss - "Fine, you're in charge of testing!"

He hid in his office again for a little more time before approaching his boss.

Him - "I think it's best that we separate testing into functional testing and operational testing."

His boss - "Fine, you're in charge of operational!"

It was at about this point that I was hired (fresh out of school) and was put into his group where I remained for a year during which time I learned a great deal, I can tell you. I was, by the way, his last remaining minion. I took to calling him "Fearless Leader", and he called me "Loyal Troops".

About one year after I'd left, he'd managed to whittle his responsibilities to zero while still having a project number to charge his time to. In short, he'd achieved a sinecure.

Of all the mentors I've ever had, he was the most instructive

I worked in a Paper Mill in my teenage summers and in the first week was told by some old guy "Grab a piece of lumber, put it on your shoulder and tour the entire facility." I did (which took all morning) and then asked him- why the lumber? He replied "You looked like you were doing something so no one would bother you."

I still recall this as a valuable life lesson.

Nice In my workplace you either carry a tray or a clipboard.

I was given a wonderful piece of advice by a co-worker some time ago. If you want to look like you're doing something even when you're not (ie, ride the clock), walk around very fast with an angry look on your face

It works