h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The best thing to do when you drink dangerous drinks is ensure that if you die while drinking, you can still fit the bill for your funeral costs. I've discovered a drink that will deal with the undertaker's costs and fund a permanent memorial through tourist and scientific interest. It is called a Pending Litigation.

You will need:
2Ltr Pyrex Jug
50cl Tesco RED FLAG vodka
Crushed Ice
40cl Agwa (coco leaf and guarana spirit liqueur)
20cl Sambuca
70ml Green Chartreuse
Cherry Cola.
Celery.

Chuck all the ingredients (except the celery) into the pyrex jug and drink while still extremely cold. The overall effect is a long, lingering pain followed by nervous anxiety, coupled with the sort of drunkenness normally associated with drinking a bottle of vodka before breakfast. Compared to MDMA it's more expensive but less illegal. Eat the celery after drinking or your breath will melt bra straps.