h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, on me.

i, dear inkers, am happy to say that i have even applied for membership in your august gathering.

i'm being subject to a most unusual line of query by red dog, old bean. let's hope the chap is not frustrated in those efforts; i must admit i have been characteristically obtuse in my responses.

as for D, well who knows what in the world she's up to, eh?

Does she even know herself?

Playing it mysterious, i am.

you do rather fancy that role for yourself, don't you, D old thing, eh?

i dare venture to suggest that it is exactly what informs us about what D wants undisclosed, what?

Does it now? Why you keep askin' questions then, huh, huh?

well it's in my nature as old questers, don't you know?

I call that a particularly feeble excuse. Won't wash, you know, simply won't. I'm just so damn mysterious and there is nothing you can do about that. Nothing. *glee* Ach wie gut das niemand weiß ... oops, nearly gave show away. Mustn't give show away. Would be a giveaway, what?

aa-haa! trying to slip away again are we then, humm?

A bit of a find, off of the e-mail circuit:

NEW FDA APPROVED MEDICATIONS: The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the USA. These are the newest medications for women, available only by prescription:

D A M I T O L - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

ST. M O M ' S W O R T - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

D U M E R O L - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, causing enjoyment of country western music.

F L I P I T O R - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and diminishing the urge to flip off other drivers.

B U Y A G R A - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength B U Y- O N E -A L - When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N - More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

R A G A M E T - When ! administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the trouble.

This is not in reply to anything particular, but jsut because i came across it.

Only after the last oil platform has been dismantled
The last service station closed
The last car scrapped
The last highway reclaimed by the jungle
Only then will you realise that veggy shops don’t sell beer after midnight.

what, in heaven's name, do gasoline, veggies and beer have in common?

Good News and Bad News

John and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled John out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, John, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

oh oh

just like you know who has been doing to you know who!!!

yeah, and any judge would let her off on a plead of temporary, see, is the point, then when she's recovered nobody will so much as murmur the words pool and clothes-line, or maybe they will, but won't get anything for it, and why should they. Anyone can go crazy once in a while, the human brain being the clump of electric proteine it is.

Talkin' about enlightenment...you know that one, kyaa but maybe Redders doesnt or whoever happens by.

SOMEBODY once asked a Zen Master what happens after death.
He replied, "I don't know."
"But you're a Zen Master!"
"Yes, but I'm not a dead Zen Master."

indeed...