h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi!

I am still alive, but the library computers are being a bit funny and evil AS exams got in the way. Still, there all done so I'm going to creep back in.

Anyway! I'm starting my A2 Sociology coursework (on friendship) and was hoping that you lovely people would tell me what makes you make friends with someone, the sort of people you make friends and your general experience of friendship (we could be here awhile). Feel free to talk about both RL and h2g2 experiences.

Thankyou, here's some and to keep you going...

Oooh certainly.

I always had trouble making friends at school, probably because I never quite fitted in, and spent too much time failing to write novels, (as fourteen year olds do) and generaly in self indulgent ways. I was rather surprised to be described by a friend recently as 'someone who finds it very easy to make friends, but difficult to find girlfriends'

I think I must have taught myself how to be a bit more outgoing, and how to transform relationships bettween 'people I get on with at work/univesity/gliding club/h2g2' into friends - usually starting by going to a pub after work/university/gliding/h2g2.

The other difference bettween friendships at school, and to some extent university and real life, is that I'm not longer part of a group of friends who do everything together - an 'us'. I've instead got a selection of people who are friends of mine, that aren't always friends with each other. Maintaining friendships used to just happen at school - you spent your breaktimes with each other. Now it involves 'going for a coffee/drink/MSN chat* to catch up' every so often.

*in the case of online friends.

This post has been removed.

Hello Pearl,

I'll probably be more helpful when I don't have an essay to hand in in minus two hours, but here's my crumb of wisdom. I've always tended to have a fairly small, tight circle of close friends, and a larger circle of acquaintances. Intellectual compatibility is the most important thing, I often find: at least so far as to say I have to be able to have an intelligent conversation with them on a regular basis. However, I will also say this: you really find out who your true friends are when you're in trouble. All too often I've felt hurt when I've been there for others when they needed me, but when I needed them, they weren't there for me. These people are not your true friends. You don't need many, but it's better in my opinion to have a couple of really good friends than to have many who, when the cards are down, will not be there for you.

I agree with the previous post.

Also, my own thoughts on the topic:

- Friends are usually people you can be honest and 'yourself' with.
- Friends become not-really-friends-anymore when they have constantly let you down and don't seem bothered...or really upset you and don't seem bothered. They may still be in your circle of contacts but the trust is gone.
- Friends can be seen often or not for many years and still be close (this is odd but I find it is true).

Hope this is helpful.

Jules

I think I perhaps have a slightly odd way of making friends...

I tend to be more of a casual obsever of life, and well, eventually someone catches my eye. I mean, in the sense that they perhaps share a taste in somethingwith me that not many other people do [one of my friends is into the Monkey Island video cames series..], perhaps the person is a little bit different or "weird" [one of my friends originally comes from Germany] and I feel I amy be able to learn from them, or sometimes I just feel like the other person needs someone around for a while to be a good friend to them if they don't really have anyone [one of my friends arrived late to my school and I was the only one to make an effort to talk to her]. If I pick out a person, then I will eventually talk to them and befriend them. I don't really have and prejudices, but like TK1 I don't generally end up with the burberry-hatted variety of people, mainly because they're prejudiced aginst me, and mainly because they're too busy keeping up their image for me to be able to find out anything interesting about them that might make me want to befriend them. Most of my friends aren't very permanent, but we tend to make high impacts on eachother and learn a lot. Diversity is a good thing. The only problem I really have is that most of my friends don't actually like eachother But I've never really been a one for parties

Hope the project goes well, Pin, and that life is good

EE

Monkey Island??!?!? I played (and completed,I might add) Monkey Island 2 once. I haven't have the chance to play the others, but I'd like to because MI2 was so goood!!

On topic... I agree with EE, and must add that she's one friend in my diverse selection of friends, and a very lovely one at that Which helps to justify my opinion that you can strike up a decent and meaningful friendship with someone who you haven't necessarily 'met' in real life.

TK[1]>pirate?

all!

You're being a great help.

Keep the comments coming...

I know what you mean about Burberry hat wearers, some of them can be very nice once you get to know them, but they do project an air of them and us I think.

My friends tend to describe themselves as weird. Although not a media student, they all do varying media courses. It can be quite hard to fit in, most of them went to the same secondary school and I went to a different one so they all have a wealth of shared experience. I understand TK's point of having intellectual friends, I think you need people who are at a similar level to you. My best friend isn't really, and we tend to discuss Eastenders when we meet up. This is a shame as she's a genuinally lovely person, but I know she wouldn't fit in properly with the friends I spend most time with. I'm a very creative person, and I think I make friends with similarly creative people. On the other hand, I've had my confidence knocked so many times that while I don't seem to experience real difficulties in making friends now, I get frightened that I'll lose them and push them away.

New question: Do you respond better to friends who are the same sex as you or the opposite?

I find that I prefer the company of male friends, they seem less trivial somehow. I think girls are more cliquey, and can end up accidentally excluding me froma conversation. Blokes tend to stick to less personal topics, so it's easier to join in.

What do you lot think?

Just re-read post. Meant 'although I'm not a media student, they all do media courses!'

Good question

I think the majority of my friends are female, which is strange because I've hardly ever had any 'girlfriends' (in the sense of an actual intimate relationship rather than just girls who are friends).

Those of my friends who I consider to be my 'best friends' are mostly guys, but because of who I am, the distinction between 'best' friends and 'normal' friends is somewhat blurred.

TK[1]

O.k, my post was removed by the H2G2 post Nazis, so here it is again, just so you have the info. I think I've removed what it was that caused offence, but you never can tell.

I don't find it easy to make new friends- I'm just not the kind of people who is able on any particular level to go up someone I don't know and start talking to them, therefore most of my friends tend to know each other (i.e. my friends base has grown through networking through other friends rather than sparking up conversations with random new people). There are two or three 'lobes' to my friendship base, for instance: When I started uni, I was lucky in the way that one good friend from school came to the same uni as me. He started the week before I did and met a few people in that week. When I started, he introduced me to Rachel and Jenny. Since then, I have also become good friends with Abi (through Dan, again), Steve and Jo (also through Jenny). There are relatively few of these 'lobes' compared to the number of people I would call friends.

The type of people I become friends with are usually quite light- hearted, have similar tastes in music and film to me, and generally seem to be ourtside of the normal realm of what people see to be 'cool'- I generally attract the freaks, geeks and weirdos. I think this is partly because it's this type of person I find interesting (trainer wearing, football watching, carling drinking average people bore me to death, no offence if any of you read this) and partly because I'm not the kind of guy that any of the said trainer wearing dance music fans would ever reduce themselves to talk to (fine by me). Also, my friends tend to be (how can I put this without sounding up myself...) erm, more adept in the realm of academic achievement- i.e. they have an interest in science, maths and intellectual things, and are interested in learning. This is not because I'm up myself and don't like people who aren't necessarily top of the class (It's not even /trying/ that I can't stand), but just because I don't have anything in common with people who snap car aerials off for fun. My friends also tend to be quite broad minded and open. Again, I don't have much in common with people who are predjudiced against anyone who's different (again, I'm sensing carling, trainers, football and dance music...).

But simply, my friends base is very diverse- we all have things in common, of course, such as various aspects of our moral systems and a desire to learn and do interesting things, but apart from that we're very different.

The only thing I can think of that doesn't make an appearence somewhere in my friends group is a burberry cap.

Hope this helps in some way...

TK[1]

Hard question for me, how do you actually define my sex? Well I don't have any friends who are exactly like me...

I find women and gay men find it easier to deal with my gender, and will make friends if they know about my past first.

Whereas straight men find it very difficult to talk to me if they know about my background. If they know me as 'me' first and then I tell them then they're usually fine, but if they know me as the token transsexual, they find it quite hard to see the 'me' underneath.I usually find I have to spend quite a lot of time establishing that I'm 'normal' and not 'a freak'. Which is the main reason I'm not out as TG in real life, it's just too much hassle.

Being trapped ["help! help!" she cries] in an all girls' school for the past 5 years really has made me realise how much I hate women sometimes. But gender isn't really an issue. It's fairly interesting to note that most of my friends blur gender lines [ie my female friends tend to be a bit butch and my male freinds are occasionally known to have girlie moments, when I have had male friends]. Online, the whole gender thing isn't really an issue. Well. *glares meaningfully at PP then laughs* Not an issue to too many people, anyway... I'm tempted to say I generally get on better with guys, what with being a bit of a sci-fi nerd on the quiet, but the balance is really about even if you look on my feriends list here. Not really any definite preference.

It's annoying when other people make it so complicated, Z

And TK! I never knew! You learn something every day

Oh to be trapped in an all-girls school....

Damn, was I typing out loud again?

The whole gender thing seems to be a different kind of issue with you, my dear EE, lol, even I, who can sense a girl from 20 paces had trouble distinguishing you as such (unfortunately they can also sense me, which is why there never tend to be many around me...)

I generally tend to get on better with the fairer (er, yes, you're not fooling anyone, ladies) sex, but mainly because when you meet new guys they're always on the prowl and far too eager to prove themselves better than you in front of the ladies (yes, that is a valid observation, PP- I think many other people would back that up- it is virtually impossible for a guy to make new male friends when there are females around. They all just start rutting, and trying to better each other).

As for Z, well I'd always define somebody's sex to be what they tell you it is. Absence or presence (or change) of certain items of anatomy are far less important than what's inside your head- it's the inner personality which determines masculinity or femininity far more than physical appearance. People who cringe away from those who do not fit easily into either of two partitions determined by society are very close minded and lack imagination- these people really don't deserve consideration. So in defining your sex, I will just say that you are who you are. I might just say that not being 'normal' in the eyes of some people can only be a good thing, looking at what these people consider to be 'normal'.

But that's just my opinion, right or wrong as it may be

And EE! What is it that you never knew? I don't understand...

TK[1]

Um...she might be getting confused with Z's posting. Which I didn't know either. Big to Z who I love very much.

Ooh, all your help is wonderful, ta for sharing so much!

Would any of you object to me sending you an e-mail questionnaire on friendship so i can get quick data? Do I still have the correct e-mail addresses?

Go for it

TK[1]

No, I was talking to TK

Big to everyone...why not?

You're more than welcome to send a questionairre my way

Cheers! I think I've got to do the questionnaire like one of those dippy e-mail forward things (you know, the ones you get from friends that ask you 50 questions about yourself). Ta for agreeing.

No problem. It's been a while since I got an email from you anyway

TK[1]

Might I suggest (and probably get shouted at), that people who spend an excessive amount of time on h2g2 and the like probably will produce different results to people whose personal interactions largely take place in real life. Just as those with excessively social jobs might claim to have a larger, yet more homogeneous, circle of friends then those who work alone and have to make an effort to find people to hang around with.

Oh, and if as a male you have a lot of female friends but find it difficult to find girlfriends, you've probably fallen foul of the label 'non-threatening male'.