h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The couple who's house I am permitted to breath in are turning nastier by the day. I asked them if the intended to repay me my deposit at end of month (to which i knew the answer) but they wouldn't answer. All i got was a snide note on my door the following day;

"DO NOT (underlined) UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TURN OUR HEATING ON FOR A SHOWER. ENOUGH HEATING FOR 1 SHOWER EACH DAY. NO FREE* (underlined twice) RIDES"

So i quite reasonably withheld my last months rent. If they wont give back my deposit, i'll take it back. I still however paid the £60 'expenses' i pay every month, as this wasn't part of deposit. I'm fair.

They (i usually refer to them as the kids or the Gimps) are juvenille, petty, vindictive, stingy, liers, who gain emmense pleasure from seeing other people suffer or come by misfortune. GimpF (the female) even told me with glee one day how she filled her lunch break by going to a rival shop that sells the same products she does and taking up 30mins of the salesmans time, making him think he had a sale, then when he was ready to confim things, she said-"oh my lunch break is up, got to go- bye"

This, she found hilarious She is so bitter, twisted and warped that she can't even understand why i didn't find this story funny

This, ladies and gentlemen is the kind of people i'm dealing with. Scum. Educated and relativly intellegent, but still scum. Not nice people at all. They will go out of their way to cause me inconvienience.

Another example- GimpF locked and hid the key to the shed where the washing/drying facilities are one day, just when i needed to do a wash. Just for fun She made up some cocand bull story about 'kids hanging around, and neighbour warning her to lock stuff (so why didn't she tell me this at the time or leave the key out?). Then when i got her brother (who she fears) to give her a good talking too, she denying that he had ever spoken to her.. i KNOW he did!

They actually think i am stupid! Later on she ran upstairs to talk about me loudly on the phone to.. (a friend maybe- not sure if she has any..) Calling me all the names under the sun, and predictably enough changing all the facts to suit her made-up version of events.

In reality, a more mature, concientious, tidy and courtious tennent you could not hope to find. I bent over backwards to carry out all their silly little rules they arbitarily imposed. And i always did more than my fair share of household duties. I would clean and put away their pots pans or dishes if they were lying around, but they wouldn't so much as put a used glass of mine into the dishwasher. Pathetic.

Trouble is in their world, THEY are the hard-done-by ones! No really. They think i'm a bad tennent, because i sometimes when it's hot have more than one shower in the day, or clash with them in the kitchen (i'm forbidden from cooking between 6-7pm, or sometimes earlier, or sometimes later depending when it suits THEM.)or make too much noise showering, or don't take all my toiletries out the bathroom (they can keep all theirs in there), or cause the bedroom door to turn yellow no really!! the perfectly normal looking door, is to her, yellow- i cause dampness apparentally! Fools.

Oh they have a thing about dampness. They identified some microscopic mould particles on the bathroom ceiling (my fault). Oh yes, they "had that before and painted over it, but now i'm here it's happening faster"

*Free rides. this is especially funny as GimpM (the male) was unemployed for the first 6months i was there. So i was paying their godam mortgage whilst he sat on his f*t ar**e doing nothing all day!

You should give me her e-mail address and I'll give her a piece of my mind!

It's included in the email i sent you.. i 'accidently' cc'd her in on it. Ooops

Oh and if you do send something to her, don't forget to copy me into it

Now there're freaking me out by being nice to me

They do this all the time. A good argument with all the usual rules- not making eye contact, slamming doors, ignoring each other, followed by brief exchanges of words, then full sentences, then a discussion of why the argument happened- that i can handle with ease, but they do this instant supernatural overfriendly, not a care in the world, all is rosy in the garden, thing, regardless of what unpleasnantness happened the day before!

They do it with each other as well... it's not making up, it's a kind of fake, pretend grown-upness they put on Bloody aliens, i tell you.

psychos... this is exactly why Valium was introduced

Surely you mean, Cyanide?

CYANIDE, VALIUM.. EITHER WORKS :D

I'd keep the valium for myself and gove then the cyanide tho hehe