h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A parable of those who have the life of God in reality, and those who only have a book-learned religion about God, without God.

A Special Car.

A young man received a car, a special car. This car was the answer to all his most pressing needs and was his transport to where he had to get to, and without it he could not get there at all. He knew that where he was born and grew up was going to be destroyed, as the Maker of all things hated it as it was. This car was the way that He had provided for some to escape that place. The car was the gift of the Maker’s free will to the young man, and to all who came to Him for one.

This car was unusual in that it came with the Maker, as without Him one would still not find the way. The young man had the car and the Maker of the car to sit with him. All he had to do was to follow instructions, and go where the Maker said, and all was fine. The car was also unusual in that it was invisible to all but the person who had it, and those who also had this car. Though some, who did not have the car, could see that there was something very unusual about these people who said they had this ‘car’.

The Right Road.

Getting on the right road was a bit tough, as the gate through which he had to pass to get on the road was very narrow indeed, and the gap each side was minute. Without the Maker the young man would never had made it through. The road after entering is very narrow too, and often bumpy, and uphill, but it is the only route to escape the destruction of the original place where the young man started.

The Manual.

With the car came a manual. This manual was the laid out description of all to do with the car. It told of the Maker of the car, whom the young man knew, but not well yet. It told of how the car came about, how it was made, and all the ins and outs of the car. It was written by the Maker as a revelation of what His truth was. Not only did it give the technical information, but also many of the details of the car’s performance, and requirements, and what the Maker expected of the car’s owner. It described what you could do with the car, and what you could not do with it. And such instructions were plain in the manual to the young man, as he had the car, and the Maker, who revealed to him what things meant.

The young man loved his car, which was truly wonderful, and he loved the Maker of the car. All the young man had to do was listen, and do as he was told. When he read the manual with the Maker, the Maker showed him what was required, and what to do with the car.




Mr Grumpy.

One day he came across Mr Grumpy. He was a strange man indeed. He had a manual for the car, but no car. He did not know the Maker of the car either. But he did have a boss, called Mr Spiteful, and both he and Mr Spiteful hated the Maker of the car, and all things, and were His sworn enemies.

Mr Grumpy did know the manual for the car, however, and could quote from the manual all sorts of things. He knew the settings of the tappets in the engine. And he knew all about the type of cam shaft fitted. He knew the tolerances that each part was machined to, and could debate the relative merits of the different tyres which could be fitted. But he had never seen, or driven, the car.

The young man was shocked. Especially when Mr Grumpy caught him out! He thought the tappet settings were one measurement, but Mr Grumpy very quickly pointed out to him that he was wrong! They were in fact slightly different to that; a bit wider. The young man was shaken! Mr Grumpy had studied the manual for years, and had got an extensive knowledge of such things.

Worse was to follow, as Mr Grumpy caught out the young man on other small details too. However, the Maker of the car reminded him that Mr Grumpy did not have the car. And the young man was comforted. He realised it was better to have the car, and the Maker, and learn the manual over time, than to just have the manual. He was, after all, not going to escape to safety without the car, and the Maker, whom he was very fond of.

This did not deflect Mr Grumpy from his purpose though! He was determined that the young man should listen to him and be taught by him, as he knew more technical information than the young man did. There was a problem with this though, as Mr Grumpy’s perspective on this was completely different, as he had never even seen the car, let alone driven it. But the young man knew the car, and the Maker, and had driven the car, and so had some experience of it.

Right Noises.

Mr Grumpy could make all the right noises. He could mimic the engine sound really rather well. He could mimic the jolts of going over bumps, and lean into supposed corners that he was supposedly going round. He knew what fuel to put in the car and disdained anyone who did not know that this car ran on unleaded fuel. He knew all about the type of fuel used and could even outline why the engine ran on that, and not on leaded. He knew what would happen if someone put leaded fuel in the car, and was rather short with those who did not know.

Mr Grumpy was particularly irked by people who had the car, and drove it. He was incensed by their telling him that he was wrong, and that they knew better, as they had the car, and knew the Maker of the car. He thought it was all about knowing ABOUT the car. He used to say, “Have I not got a degree in cars? Don’t you think I know!”

He loved to debate details with the drivers of cars, trying to catch them out on tiny details. When he would ‘jump’ on them. He accused them of not being real car drivers, as they did not know all the details about the car without having to look them up. He was really upset with them. If they told him that he was not a car driver, and pointed out that he did not know the Maker, or the car, he would be very annoyed indeed, and accuse them of judging him, and say things like, “How dare you say that! I am every bit as much a car driver as you are! See, I can make all the noises, and assume all the postures, and I know more about the car than you do!”

The young man was quite fazed by this for a while. He began to doubt that he had the car at all! Then he realised that all he had to do was refer to the Maker if he did not know something, and the Maker would show him, one way or another, what the answer was. And that all he had to do was not listen to Mr Grumpy, but simply get in the car and drive it.

The more the young man tried to explain to Mr Grumpy what the correct way with the car was, the more Mr Grumpy got upset! Mr Grumpy was very challenged by this, as he did not like those who did not understand all the minor technical points teaching him about the car. Or those having ready knowledge of the car, that they had from experience, to answer him with. They spoke with such authority about the car, and the Maker, as they KNEW Him.

But Mr Grumpy was hoping that by knowing all about the car, mimicking its noises etc., and debating with people about the car, that he was going to arrive where the car would have taken him, if he had one. He was sure that he could, by being very diligent in learning the manual for the car, arrive in a place of safety; the end of the car journey for all who have the car. So when car drivers told him that that was not so, and that he could not do that, he was very angry with them. He felt like they were trying to take away his faith in cars! He would shout at them, “Where is your degree in cars? How do you know that you are right? I have a degree in cars!”

Even when the young man, and other car drivers, showed him in the manual that he was wrong, and that he too must have the car for real, as mimicking the noises was not going to take him to safety, Mr Grumpy got very upset. He charged them with twisting what the manual said in order to make it mean what they wanted it to mean. He used to rail at them, “That is just your interpretation! You are just ‘fundamentalists! I have a long tradition of cars to refer to!”

The car drivers were aghast at Mr Grumpy’s attitude. They could not understand why, when they knew the Maker of the car, had driven the car, and knew it by experience, and knew the manual from that standpoint, that Mr Grumpy would not listen. Especially as he had never seen or driven the car, and did not know the Maker either!

The Great Divide.

There was this stand-off then, between the drivers of the car, and those who only had the manual to the car. There was not, and never could be, any agreement between them, but that did not stop Mr Grumpy’s boss from rallying all the manual readers together, and making overtures to the drivers to ‘come into fellowship with them’.

Mr Grumpy’s boss did not like the situation, as he realised that the driver’s position just made the manual readers feel uncomfortable, and he worried that the manual readers would go off and leave him, and find a car and the Maker. Mr Grumpy’s boss, Mr Spiteful, did not like that idea! There would be less people under his management! And he did not want to lose any more to the Maker of the car, who was also the Maker, ultimately, of all things.

Mr Spiteful knew that he was not going to be allowed to get to the place of safety, and he did not want anyone else to go there either. He wanted all to be destroyed with him. He hated the drivers of the car, and all who were with the Maker.

Mr Spiteful thought of a plan and hoped that, if he could speak of ‘love’, and ‘unity’, and could draw all those who said they believed something ABOUT the manual, and the drivers of the car, together, then he could control the drivers. Perhaps then he could stop them from showing up the manual readers, and hopefully stop them from driving the car with the Maker. He knew of course that the best way was to accuse the drivers of not joining with the manual readers, (who really were 'drivers', HONESTLY!), and giving the Maker a bad name by not being seen to be in unity with all who ‘really were drivers’. Mr Spiteful hoped that he could recruit more manual readers from those outsiders, if only he could stop the drivers from showing up him and his manual readers, and giving glory to the Maker by having and driving the car.

The young man was a bit wobbled by all this, but learned in time to refer immediately to the Maker if things went wrong, or questions arose. Slowly but surely he learned to trust the Maker, and not listen to Mr Grumpy, or Mr Spiteful, who seemed to speak through Mr Grumpy. And he pressed on with the journey, with the Maker at his side. In time he arrived at his destination, still a bit shocked at all those whom he had left behind who still had the manual, and were still contending with the drivers who were leaving on their journey.

The young man wondered if any of the manual readers who were slaves to Mr Spiteful would ever realise that they were making a mistake, and that the drivers had something they did not, and would seek for it. But that was not his problem.

Some time later the young man, from his place of safety at the end of the journey, looked in the direction of where he had come from. In the far, far, distance he could see a huge thick column of smoke rising, and he remembered what he had been saved from, and how he could have been in that if he had listened to Mr Grumpy, and his master, Mr Spiteful.

hi Justin,

Not surprisingly you are listed as one of the researchers with the longest postings within the past 24 hours.



az

Hi Justin ,

Strange how the young man never asked why he had been given the car, yet many others had not.

Also strnage that he did not notice that the car was not fitted with baby seats, nor with seats for those who could not hear or see the Maker for no fault of their own, for it was how they had been born.

Maybe he should have asked why the Maker only gave cars to people in certain countries, and did not care for those beyond the reach of the Maker's dealerships.

He could have asked why the Maker refused to let him stop to help others on the highway, even though his car had room to spare.

There again if he had his warranty would almost certainly have been made void and the car taken away. But the young man was selfish and decided to do as he was told so he could escape and damn the rest.

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\.
A man who prefers to walk.

>>A parable ...

The only story I could think of while reading this was the well known fairytale, "the Emperor's New Clothes". Not much of a parable really.

>>This car was the answer to all his most pressing needs

Most people would think that food and shelter were high on the list. Transport is a luxury in some places.

>>He knew that where he was ... was going to be destroyed

How? Premonition? Psychic ability? Or was he just paranoid?

>>... as the Maker of all things hated it as it was.

Ah! Clearly this "maker" had made a mistake. Umm. If there is such a being, of course.

>>This car was ... provided for some to escape that place.

Why?

>>The car was the gift of the Maker’s free will to the young man, and to all who came to Him for one.

We teach kids not to take gifts from strangers for some very good reasons.

>>This car was unusual in that it came with the Maker, as without Him one would still not find the way.

Fair enough. Chauffeur driven. Sounds good.

>>The young man had the car and the Maker of the car to sit with him.

Perhaps not so good. Just a navigator. Still, very useful if one gets lost on the way, which sounds extremely likely as there appear to be no maps. This could be a good thing, providing of course that there is a maker "of all things".

>>All he had to do was to follow instructions, and go where the Maker said ...

That's really excellent. So the maker will be there, by the young man's side, giving one on one tuition and instruction at the same time. Brilliant. If only BMW or Ford could get this built in to their models their sales will go through the roof.

>>The car was also unusual in that it was invisible to all but the person who had it, and those who also had this car. Though some, who did not have the car, could see that there was something very unusual about these people who said they had this ‘car’.

Hmm. Invisible cars. Yep. There is something very special about people who can see things that aren't there. Most of the time they receive very special treatment and care.

>>Getting on the right road was a bit tough ... the road was very narrow indeed ... often bumpy, and uphill, but it is the only route to escape the destruction of the original place

Ah. This is the place which the maker has said he no longer likes, is it? According to you, he made it so I guess he can do what he wants with it, but destructive impulses aren't really very healthy. Surely if this being were capable of making "everything" he would have been capable of doing a good job of it so the place shouldn't need destroying.

>>With the car came a manual.

Unfortunately it was a rather poor translation of a translation of a translation and may have undergone a few edits along the way. Have you ever read the manuals that come with some of the cheaper foreign goods? They can be really entertaining. It is also possible that the manual was for a different make and model of car. Hard to tell, because of the poor translation.

>>It told of the Maker of the car ... and such instructions were plain in the manual to the young man, as he had the car, and the Maker, who revealed to him what things meant.

Ah. Poorly editted as it is, it will all become clear when it is explained by the maker. No problem, I'll go ask him. Hmm. This guy is invisible too, just like the car, isn't he? He doesn't take calls either? Okay ... so who can I ask instead? Ah, all of those sundry people who call themselves "mechanics" or "car salesmen". And what a bunch they are, too. Some of them are a bit dodgy, some use faulty parts, others want an arm AND a leg just to have a look at a window wiper, let alone help with a major service. Some will listen to your need for an new diesel estate while showing you a string of petrol rag tops. And as for the child seats, well best to fit them yourself and don't leave the kids alone with the mechanic for a minute.

>>The young man loved his car ... All the young man had to do was listen, and do as he was told.

This is like one of those timeshare sales events, isn't it? The product is "fantastic", just sign away your life, rights, etc. etc. on the way in. There is a price it seems. Give up your free will and your brain. The "maker" (or rather the mechanic/salesman that manages to get to you first) will tell you how to live your life to the tiniest detail. Why would you need to think or choose ever again?

>>... Mr Grumpy ... had a manual for the car ... and both he and Mr Spiteful (his boss) hated the Maker ... and all things, and were His sworn enemies.

Hmm. I don't believe I know THIS maker that YOU refer to. Nor do I believe that I know any Mr Spiteful (unless this an oblique reference to you, Justin). Hate seems a rather strong word to me. I feel nothing but wonder towards the things that I see and hear all around me, from the beauty of the simplest rose, to the complexity of a symphony by Bach. From the look of innocent pleasure on a childs face when they "win" a gift at a fair, to the sound of a water fall or a bird's song. I certainly wouldn't consider most of the people that I meet enemies. I might disagree with them, as I do with you, but disagreement does not equate to hate.

>>Mr Grumpy did know the manual for the car ... but he had never seen, or driven, the car.

True. I did once think that I might go for a test drive, but then I found out more about just how dodgy the manual was and just how many other makes and models are available, even kit cars and there is always walking.

>>The young man was shocked. Especially when Mr Grumpy caught him out!

Okay, so the manual has some mistakes in it. These are largely self evident. Why should the young man be shocked to find one? Is the young man supposed to just accept this dodgy manual for an unseen vehicle, BLINDLY?

>> ... the young man was comforted. He realised it was better to have the car, and the Maker, and learn the manual over time, than to just have the manual.

Ah, learn by experience. But you still refer to this manual? Either you should do one or the other. To do both leads to a situation where you learn things in one that are counter to your learning in the other. Indeed you can learn things in the manual that are counter to other things in the manual. Like maybe you learn from the manual that the car was built just two years ago, but you do a little maintenance yourself find that the engine block clearly marked to say that it was made in 1990. Of course the mechanic will tell you that doesn't matter, but there is something a bit fishy about this, isn't there?

>>He was ... not going to escape to safety without the car

But the only people telling him that he needs to escape are the mechanic and the salesman (aside from any paranoid delusions the young man may have). And didn't they sell the idea of owning a car to the young man in the first place?

>>Mr Grumpy ... was determined that the young man should listen ... and be taught by him, as he knew more technical information ...

Okay, in truth there is a place for learning from a manual (preferably, in my view, lots of manuals) and a place for learning from experience (again, lots of experience). But I wouldn't dream of telling someone HOW to live THEIR life. Everyone is free to find out for themself, aren't they? Unless of course you surrender your free will and your brain and follow every instruction provided by the salesman and the mechanic.

>>There was a problem with this though, as Mr Grumpy’s perspective on this was completely different, as he had never even seen the car, let alone driven it. But the young man knew the car, and the Maker, and had driven the car, and so had some experience of it.

>>Mr Grumpy could make all the right noises ... He knew what would happen if someone put leaded fuel in the car, and was rather short with those who did not know.

Nope. You've gotten us mixed up there. The only person around here actually acting like Mr Grumpy is you, Justin. You are the one giving out the orders and acting like a know it all. You are the one who claims to have all the answers. All I could offer anyone would be a world of ignorance and doubt. It's not a philosophy with many unique selling points, so I'm not in the least interested in selling it to you, but OTOH, walking was around well before the first motor car.

>>Mr Grumpy was ... irked by people who had the car ... he was incensed by their telling him that he was wrong, and that they knew better ... He thought it was all about knowing ABOUT the car. He used to say, “Have I not got a degree in cars? ...”

Nope. You've still got these things mixed up. You are the only one proclaiming their qualifications and using them as some form of defence against reasonable questions. You are the one that responds with vitriolic tirades or abuses of the system by having posts yikesed.

>>He loved to debate ... drivers of cars ... he would ‘jump’ on them ... accuse them of not being real car drivers ... If they told him that he was not a car driver, and pointed out that he did not know the Maker, or the car, he would be very annoyed indeed, and accuse them of judging him, and say things like, “How dare you say that! I am every bit as much a car driver as you are! See, I can make all the noises, and assume all the postures, and I know more about the car than you do!”

Why on earth would I want one of your cars, Justin? I would much prefer to walk and see the beauty of the world around me, without looking through your tinted windscreen or using mirrors. And as for the accusations, they seem to be being made by you, more than by anyone else here. You will no doubt ignore this post, or possibly have it yikesed, as you have others. But even if you reply, you would do nothing more than act exactly like Mr Grumpy!

>>The young man was quite fazed by this for a while. He began to doubt that he had the car at all!

Why would there be any doubt? If you have a car and you can drive it, then what room for doubt is there?

>>Then he realised that all he had to do was refer to the Maker ... and the Maker would show him ... the answer ... and that all he had to do was not listen ... to Mr Grumpy.

But since the maker doesn't answer that kind of call and there really is no room for doubt, the young man is faced with checking with the mechanic or the salesman. The mechanic of course will find a fault in the car, see that the service record is not up to date, or just indicate the need for an MOT. Then the mechanic will assure the young man that all is well and relieve him of his wallet before carrying out work that the young man can't do for himself on a car that he can't see. The salesman will try to get the young man to buy a later model. New suit anyone? I can recommend a fictional tailor with an unparalleled record.

>>... the young man tried to explain to Mr Grumpy what the correct way with the car was ...(but)... Mr Grumpy was very challenged by this, as he did not like those who did not understand all the minor technical points teaching him about the car. Or those having ready knowledge of the car, that they had from experience, to answer him with. They spoke with such authority about the car, and the Maker, as they KNEW Him.

Challenged?

>>But Mr Grumpy was hoping that by knowing all about the car ... that he was going to arrive where the car would have taken him ... So when car drivers told him that that was not so, and that he could not do that, he was very angry with them ...

You probably have no idea just how uninterested I am in being in the same place as you, Justin. You also probably have no idea how uninterested I am in your particular visions of eternal life. Why any of us would be angry that we have apparently been excluded from your particular "heaven", I can't comprehend. Your particular brand is no different to any other, but less tolerant than most.

>>Even when the young man, and other car drivers, showed him in the manual that he was wrong ... Mr Grumpy got very upset. He charged them with twisting what the manual said ... “That is just your interpretation! You are just ‘fundamentalists! ...”

This is that dodgy manual again, isn't it? I'm afraid that even your vaunted "bible college degree" has yet to demonstrate to us that YOU are either right or wrong. You particular set of "emperor's new clothes" are no better at keeping people warm than the fairytale set. Unfortunately, it seems that unlike the original emperor, you are even less inclined to listen to a child's views, preferring your isolated, closed-in views.

>>The car drivers were aghast at Mr Grumpy’s attitude ...

>>There was this stand-off then, between the drivers ... and those who only had the manual ... but that did not stop Mr Grumpy’s boss

Unfortunately, this more accurately describes your behaviour on behalf of your god. Whereas, I'm not actually interested in "converting" anyone to my viewpoint.

>>Mr Grumpy’s boss did not like the situation, as he realised that the driver’s position just made the manual readers feel uncomfortable, and he worried that the manual readers would go off and leave him, and find a car and the Maker. Mr Grumpy’s boss, Mr Spiteful, did not like that idea! There would be less people under his management! And he did not want to lose any more to the Maker of the car, who was also the Maker, ultimately, of all things.

You are the one who seems to feel threatened. You are the one who is worried about numbers. Do you have a quota?

After spending this much time reading and replying to this post, I've decided that right now, I have better things to do with my time.

Madent

I prefer walking or cycling, myself. Much healthier, doesn't pollute the environment and there is no need for a manual.

az


Madent,

Madent,

<>

I believe Justin has said that he is not interested, and is indeed incapable, of converting anyone. In fact, he doesn't even want any of us in his church until we are already 'saved'. Until we *somehow* manage to HEAR the WORD of GOD just like he did.

az

Might I ask, where does one get this car? You never explain.

- Jordan

Hi Jordan

You are offered it, upon a whim, by the Maker. You have to take it there and then, you can't take it for a test drive. You have no choice as to the colour, engine size, nothing, and the radio is always set to Paradise FM.

You will also note that it has no passenger or baby seats, and you have to leave all your personal luggage on the kerb side.

The side and rear windows are painted black lest you should become distracted and take your eyes off the destination. No controls exist so as to prevent the driver changing his mind. leaving the car is invariably fatal as it never slows down.

Personally I'd plump for a bicycle.

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\.

You forgot to mention that the driver is absolutely required by the Maker to sound his horn - and a harsh, hollow, grating noise it is - whenever he sees anyone else on the road.

The driver knows full well that sounding the horn serves no purpose at all, but he carries on doing it just the same. He knows it just irritates everyone who hears it, because they just hear a grating senseless racket. He doesn't care. Why should he? He has a car. Pedestrians are scum with no rights. (I know drivers like that...)

The Maker knows full well the horn is pointless, but he requires all drivers to use it at every opportunity nevertheless. He is in a position to simply give a car to everyone on earth for free if he wishes. He chooses not to on a whim, because what is a car maker for if not to kill, maim and torture pedestrians?

Everyone else doesn't really see the point of the horn. If the car's so great, why doesn't the maker simply give one to everyone? And if there's no way to buy one, and you simply have to wait to see if you're one of the lucky winners, why do those who have won have to keep gloating about it by sounding their horn at every opportunity?

Hi az, Math and Member

My mistake.

I recall seeing something about the sounding of the horn in the manual, but I was fairly sure that this was as a way of advertising the existence of the car so that all those who couldn't see it would realise that it was in fact there. Unfortunately the horn is always tuned to a frequency outside of the normal range of human hearing (unless one is within a car already), so the driver must shout instead. I believe that the practise is referred to in the manual as "preaching" but is basically a form of touting for new business.

Personally, I wouldn't want to have a car that I wasn't even allowed to drive! So then what? I just sit there, in the car, and get taken to places I maybe don't even want to go? And with the Maker bleating the horn at all and sundry the entire time?

I rather don't think so.

az