h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I know I'd get more answers on Ask- but to be honest, I know for a fact I'd get a handful of wholly inappropriate ones to this particular question, so I'm asking here where people like me and are bound to be honest rather than try to push some agenda.

My boss has invited me (and K) to his daughter's wedding in December, and I've no reason not to accept. In fact, I feel I should go, since I avoid so many other department outings because they tend to be centered around sports and/or drinking in bars, neither of which appeal to me.

They're having a ceremony, then a lunch reception (presumably something to occupy the time between the ceremony and dinner) and then a dinner reception.

We're not planning to attend the ceremony. As such, I'm thinking it'd be in less than impeccable taste to show up for the lunch reception as if we're just trying to cash in on more free food (what do you think?). So at this point, I'm anticipating attending only the dinner reception for a few hours, then making an early departure a bit after dinner ends and all the silly dancing and stuff starts. Though perhaps we should stick around for cake. (I'll gladly accept any input in regards to this, too, while we're at it...)

Enclosed in the invitation was the standard response card. At the bottom is a note requesting that we indicate whether or not each guest would like chicken or fish for dinner. Obviously, I'll want neither.

I won't eat anything off a plate that's served with meat, so picking it off isn't an option.

K and I attended two weddings last year. For the first, the bride's mother called and asked if I would like a vegetatian entrée. K indicated he would like one, too, in the spirit of comraderie, and she had us served pasta with sautéed veggies. For the second, the meal was served family style and I did the best I could- for fancy dinners with a large number of guests, I tend to avoid the obvious culprits such as gelatin or stock and if sticking to salad isn't an option, I'll usually let the possibility of a bit of butter or something slide.

But I've never received an invitation offering me the opportunity to select my own entrée. Would it be acceptable for me to mark off K's choice and then add a little note requesting "vegetable only"? Skipping the meal entirely seems a bit to me like causing a scene, but I'd also be willing to eat something at home before we go and forego my meal entirely. I'm there for the company, not the food, after all. What do you all think?

He's also asked that if we don't attend, we don't send a gift. But if we're going, we'll obviously want to give one. For weddings, I typically give cash, but I'm wondering if in this case I should try to locate their registry (gawd, I hate to use them). K and I aren't broke, but we're not as well off as these folks are and I wonder if the $100 we'd give (our standard amount for wedding gifts for people we don't know well) might be seen as stingy. Though my boss isn't a snob about money (he grew up working class) so maybe I'm just paranoid...

I would personaliy skip the pre-reception lunch if your not going to the ceremony. I dont think they should have any problem providing a veggie meal for you and i dont think they should have any problem with the gift you are giving either. Its the thought that counts.

mini

That's pretty much what I thought about the lunch- thanks.

I try to be a reasonable guest- not a special case or a pain in the arse- so I'm perfectly happy to eat salad and side dishes. I certainly didn't expect a plate of pasta at that one wedding we went to (for a cousin). I just wasn't sure I was comfortable asking them not to plop the piece of chicken on my plate.

As an aside, minichessemouse, I noticed you'd added me to your friends and hope you don;t mind that I have done the same in return. )

no thats ok, im sure i posted you a message to say that i added you.

mini

I'm sure you did, and I completely forgot about it. My brain has been overloaded the last few weeks and I can't remember anything any more.

I think the plan you had already been thinking about is perfectly fine PC. To be honest I'm more surprised that the food options they gave did not include a full vegetarian option (so many people assume that veggie people eat fish!). You certainly should add a note that you want vegetables only - I am sure that they will have no problems with that. As far as a gift goes....if it was me I would have a quick look at the gift list if you can find it, then if there is something in your price range you can get them something from the list. Otherwise I think $100 is very generous! It's is your bosses daughter, and I get the impression that you have not really met her so any gift will be appreciated.

See, this is why M and I popped to Vegas last month and got married on our own - none of this stuff to worry about!

Thanks, Jemstone.

I'm surprised I didn't receive more input, but two counts for requesting that my plate contain only veggies are sufficient for me to go with my gut instinct here.

I'm unsubbing now- in hopes of keeping my Uspace clean, I've deleted any convos I haven't posted to within the last two weeks, excepting a few I need to keep for posterity. I'll be doing this moving forward as well.

Be sure to specify vegan rather than vegetarian food! Your definition may be different, but generally people understand "vegetarian" to mean you'll eat eggs and dairy products.

>generally people understand "vegetarian" to mean you'll eat eggs and dairy products.

Fortunately, most of the local retaurants understand that vegetarian does not include eggs or dairy, but caterers sure don't seem to realize that. But I'm not entirely sure I want to request a separate entrée or anything... I thought perhaps they could just serve me the same thing as everyone else without the piece of meat. I'm still not sure that insisting there be not a single trace of butter or cream in my meal might be too much of a burden for such a large party. If you know what I mean...

Yes, most people wouldn't know how to prepare that...

But your definition of vegetarian must still be different than the one here.

A lot of people seem to use the term vegetarian to mean varying stages of not-eating-animal-stuff.

I used to know someone on here who said she was vegetarian but regularly ate fish. Last I checked, fish were critters, not plants. Even if they're not the brightest of critters.

When I'm attending a small function with family, it seems fair to request that there be something free of meat, dairy and egg for me to eat besides the garnish. Most relatives have been very good about that, to the extent that usually they'll set aside some pasta sauce for me before adding the meat to the rest, or slicing up some cucumbers, or preparing marinated three-bean salad with everything. But I expect that might be a nuisance at such a large scale event.

Though part of me agrees with Jemstone that it's kind of silly to plan a party for over 300 people and not consider that at least a couple of them wouldn't (for whatever reason) eat either chicken or fish. Especially as for at least the last half dozen department lunches, I've sat next to my boss to eat.

You can always pretend you're Jewish and request something that's milchig or pareve rather than fleischig, though I think fish is considered pareve.

And sure, family functions it's ok to be picky

Back in the good ol' days when I was a practicing vegetarian I regularly used to order my meals in German restaurants "ohne schinkenstreifen" (without ham) because, invariably, everything here comes with snippets of ham, bacon or other such thing.

More than once I had to take a dish into the kitchen and point to the bits of ham in my dinner.

At one point I used to say "no ham, I'm Jewish" which worked quite well...

Yes I agree with minicheesemouse on everything, although Jemstone's(belated congratsbtw)suggestion of looking at the gift list-provided you can find it easily-is an option to consider. However the cash would be quite acceptable I think.

Cash as a wedding gift seems pretty odd to me, especially from a relative stranger! But if that's the custom over there...

I like cash as a wedding gift - unless they have issued a list (I didn't, I found it strangely more grasping than letting people just give me money )

I've never given anything other than cash, but I've only been to about a dozen weddings in my entire life. Typically I'll give $100 to someone I don't know well, and $200-$300 for someone I do. A friend of mine got married a few years ago and I was maid of honor, so I bought her a portable dishwasher.

My sister registered (I absolutely HATE registries, have I mentioned that? ) for all kinds of ridiculously expensive stuff when she got married last year, which was stupid, because between her and her husband they already had a house full of furniture, linens and housewares. She wanted glasses that cost $75 each, and service for 12. I'm not spending that kind of money on a wedding gift- I sent her a pair (we didn't attend the wedding or reception).

What sorts of things are customary there, out of curiousity? (I like to know these things even if I'll never need to utilize the knowledge).

If it were me, I would prefer cash, but then I've been living on my own forever and don't need a whole lot of household type stuff. The couple in question here haven't even graduated from college yet (and my boss isn't keen on their being married at this point, but has resigned himself to the fact that they'd do it anyway so he's best off giving his full support in case they have difficulties along the way). So they may have a list. I'll have a look and see if I can find one, if not, cash it is.

Would that money value of vouchers from a posh store be possible?

Hi Wand'rin Star- it very well might. Maybe I can find out where they're registered and get a gift voucher for that store, and let them pick something. Good idea- thank you!