h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My snooker viewing has been temporarily interrupted for a bout of Showjumping, and I'm mightily amused to find out that the Finn in second place rejoices in the name of Piia Pantsu (say it out loud).

I'm definitely adding this to my list of sportsmen and women with silly names, which thus far consists of the footballer Dwayne Plummer and basketball player Randy Duck.

Any more?

B

Well I did go to Journalism school with a girl named Destiny Bedwell, whose parents obviously hoped she would grow up to be a character in James Bond movie..........

Oddly enough, one of my favourite sporting names is another showjumper - Ludo Philippaerts of Belgium (it's pronounced 'filly-parts').

Another good one, based on how it sounds when you say it, is Pieter van den Hoogenband. One of the most satisfying sets of syllables you can get your mouth around. Similarly, but not quite in the same class, there's Sjeng Schalken, the Dutch tennis player.

One of the most amusingly-named footballers, for me, has to be Dan Shittu of QPR. And despite having an Italian girlfriend and having learned the language for a year and a half, I still giggle at the mention of Francesco Totti...

hans jorg butt? nicky butt? david seaman? quim? (hes portugeuse and he has the best name ever)

my favourite name in football plays for ajax, i think. hes african and called abubakari yakubu. i wish i was called that.

You guys have way to much time your your hand

S'truth, Emily!

Anyway, I've just remembered my all-time favourite - Brazilian footballer Argelico (or Argel) F***s... he was transferred to Portugal last year, leading World Soccer to use the memorable headline "Argel F***s off to Benfica".

(by the way, moderators, that really is his name!)

PSV Eindhoven's striker Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink merits an honourable mention, as well.

That usage will join Towelmaster's mention of the village F***ing in Austria as one of the very few times when it is editorially acceptable not to star out the 'uc'.

Ah yes. My beloved Championship Manager (A991578) often throws up some dodgy headlines.

GD'll like this one - in my current game, the Blades signed Marcus Bent on a free transfer. The game promptly mangled this into the headline:

"Sheffield United get Bent!"

Probably a few Liverpool fans been echoing that sentiment this season.

B

wank is a village in austria. also, now that were being open about championship manager anecdotes, the time i laughed most was when i won the first division with watford. two messages appeared in my inbox. they read

fans deligted by promotion
elton john delighted by promotion

it was only later that i discovered that he was the chairman of the club and not a random insertion...so to speak...

If it's about funny village names, come to Hessen in Germany...

Lämmerspiel - could be translated as "lambs game"

Linsengericht - means "lentil dish"

... and there are plenty of other names like these...

Hmmm...I did once visit Bad Salzing, a charming little village on the banks of the Rhone, which I believe translates as 'bath salts'.

B

Garmisch-Partenkirchen is the village equivalent of Pieter van den Hoogenband.

At least in terms of the way it sounds. It's hard to extrapolate the theory any further without more research...

I would like to whole-Heartedly throw my weight behind JAn Venegoor of Hesselink for silly name.

Along with Stern John, which is a description, not a name.

And dop you reckon Argel F***s ever played with Uwe Fuchs, the old Man City Player?

Oh, and Johnny van't Schip,a former Holland midfielder, whose name, according to my MEP< is pronounced Johnny van Shit, although I'm not to sure whether to truest him on that (I mean, the man is a Labour MEP for god's sake!)

Also, one of my friends used to refer to Pierre van Hooijdonk as "van hugeDonk"

Sounds like the friend of mine who used to refer to Mark Knopfler (A864858</PLUG&gt as Mark Knob-Flopper.

B

You know, I had tickets to see Mark knob-flopper himself in concert, but he's cancelled the tour on the spurious grounds that he fell off his motorbike and his doctor won't let him play guitar...

I'm not such a big fan of his since he went solo, you know. He's lost the hard edge that Dire Straits used to have, and it's all a bit too waffly-country for my tastes.

B

Ogh, his solo stuff isn't of dire straits quality, granted, but it's perfectly pleasant, and ocassionally you listen to one of his albums an d an absolute stone-cold-stonker that could have been from t'old days turns up, like "Do America". And apparently he does dire straits songs in concert as well.

A=nyway, this is in danger of turning into the "MArk knob-flopper discussion area". Right, so,m silly names of footballers.

Digital. Played for Zimbabwe. So named because he dribbled like a player on an 80s console football game.

Vennegoor of Hesselink's always been one of my favourites...

Never understood the point of Dire Straits, though.

I remember playing a game of Championship manager 3 once as ajax and, habving signed Jan V of H, I came across a randomly generated youth player a couple of seasons in called Eric V of H, so obviously i had to sign him as well.

Also, I would like to nominate:

Eugene Bopp, whose name always entertains me

Don't get me started on CMs random-name-generator.

My SUFC squad 2014 boasts a reserve team featuring Dennis Dennis, Wayne Carr, Dr. Abraham Myfinger, and Ricky Villa - all signed purely because of amusing names.

B