h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wouldn't the bucket fill up with water and one would choke to death by breathing in sea water? I hope that I never have to escape from a sinking submarine (can a submarine sink? it is after all under water already ) but if I do I'll check out the bucket theory and see what happens as I'll probably die anyway. If I don't die I'll provide my then expert tips on how to escape from a sinking submarine.

1st tip: Bucket should be upside down and over your head. (you can wear one this way even if you're not underwater).

2nd tip: Although submarines are already underwater, you may need to know how to escape from one in the event that the submarine is leaking or that you need to get to the surface with the stolen russian microfilm before they shoot you with their Lugers.

3rd tip: The best way to avoid drowning in a submarine is not to get on one.

Arrrr

Ok smart guy, turn the bucket upsidedown (so that the makers name is now on top.) Try and read the makers name from underneath. You will now find yourself inside the bucket. If you now walk into the water, with your head (and any attached bable fish) inside the air-pocket in the bucket, you can breath for a few minutes.
Here comes the 'escape from a submarine' draw-back. If you are in the sunken submarine at, say, 600 feet, with your bucket over your head, and you let the water into the people tank, then your full bucket of air will compress to a bucket with 95% water and 5% compressed air. (By the way, at this point your ear drums would have probably gone bang along as the bable fish shoots into your throat via the eustachion tube. Do not worry however, cos if you survive, you will be able to breath through your ears until your eardrums heal. This does have some curious advantages!) So, there you are with your lips sucking at that little bit of air in the top (aka the bottom) of the bucket. As you acsend to the surface, just breath out, all the way. Survival at the surface is problamatic.

BOLB

The Royal Navy use two methods to escape from a submarine, both involve :

1. From shallow depths, they pressurise the escape compartment to the same pressure as the water outside, then they tell you to breathe out all of the way up, the expanding air in your lungs allows you to do this - if you don't they will burst. This is a rush escape.

2. You put on a Submarine Escape and Imersion Equipment (I think)suit (SEIE)and float to the top breathing the air within the suit. As you surface the expanding air in the suit escapes through vents. You leave the escape compartment via the escape tower - an airlock arrangement - which means you don't have to pressurise the whole escape compartment and can escape in a controlled manner. You can also do a rush escape wearing SEIE.

Trivial Note:

In one Doctor Who episode, he escapes from an underwater alien ship (with the Master I think) wearing a bright orange suit - this is an SEIE.

Again the trick here is don't go in a sub in the first place. And anyone who does is insane and you should be wary of this person.
1. The cute little suits don't always work as deep as many submarines go.
2. Subs while providing a nice dry warm tank in what would otherwise be a cold dark wet place don't really go very deep. The ocean however, can be very deep. Except for some very determined marine life and a handful of submersible nothing can survive the pressure at the bottom.
3. Call AAA (the Auto Club) for lift from one of those nice REALLY DEEP Submarines.
Moral is don't go very far from shore!

Or alternatively - don't screw it up when you're too deep to do anything about it.

Moral: Keep the water out of the people tank.

An alternative definition for when a submarine dives is a (semi) controlled sink.
I only mentioned the "semi" because on a couple of occasions when I was in a submarine we went deeper than was planned and had to come back up.