h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*steps into deserted room, writes 'Happy Christmas' in the dust on the floor, blows a at the yellow chair and leaves again*

*comes down the stairs from private quarters, looking hopeful, rolling up her sleeves*

Did I hear burglars?

*looks around, slightly disappointed at finding the café deserted, shrugs*

Oh well.. hey! What's this? *spots the greeting in the dust*

Hmmm.. I wonder..

pauses in front of Bikers Rest.
Sees no other bikes parked, squints up at blue, cloudless sky, scuffs a boot on warm, slightly tacky road surface...
Mentally selects another foothills villiage and clonks first gear...
Catch you once its raining....

*Z-o-o-m-s past on noisy BMW R1100SS-SS-SS. Notices fresh track from parking area. Does dramatic stoppie, pivots bike around on front wheel and downgears. Pops respectable wheelie back and parks under the shade of tree. Gets off bike, peels of helmet and leather jacket and brushes hair with palm of hand as he walks to the door. Knocks at door and walks in.*

AHEM! Kristina?

*Hears muffled sounds of inconvenience upstairs in private quarters. Dusts off spare chair (not the yellow one) and parks gear. Wanders about looking at the big brass coffee monster under wraps. Whips off dust cover and peers at switches and valves and things. Searches around and finds small booklet of operating instructions in Italian. Reads incomprehensively but understands pictures. Flicks switches and opens valves to squeeks and gurgling sounds. Finds coffee grinder and opens fridge to find coffee beans in zipseal plastic bag. Grinds a batch and sits down waiting for the brass monster to warm up*

Are you about, Kristina?

*Even more sounds of inconvenience. Finds a broom and begins sweeping out the place, singing softly to himself....

*sulks in*

Viv is still off-the-road, and LIFE SUX! WOw is me

and there's not even anybody here either...jeez I think how Marvin felt.

*comes down the stairs with hair still wet after having a shower*

Hi guys - I thought I heard something!

*notices P_R's looking unhealthily *

Gwennie! Gwennieeeeee! You have a patient!

Ah - so you got the monster machine working WR - excellent - I'll have a please!

Oh, ok... one coming up, I suppose, got no bike, might as well make pretty ladies coffe

Thank you! *accepts *

*gives P_R a glowing hot to cheer him up*

thanks dear, but it's not the same as me bike...

(Thinks: That depends where on your bod she gives it, mate!)

Hey there, PR! Viv's not giving you what she's good for!

Can I have a pretty lady coffee too please?
No milk or sugar thanks!

Ta...
Hi Kristina! I don't know wot's happened to the but I've not seen her about lately. P'raps her 'puter is watching the cricket in SA like ev'rybody else I know!
Hmm...love the smell of your hair conditioner...herbal is it?

Viv will be back! And we shall do more of what Man was born to do...RIDE!!!!

It is motorcycles you're talking about, PR?
Just checking!

But of course WR - no "mere human" could make me feel that Good!

Hmpfff - MEN!

*glares at P_R with a look that makes him feel like a piece of paper about to be punched full of holes by a perforator*

*steps up to him*

Young man - I advise you to *never* make such comparisons between bikes and women in the presence of a lady!

Quite right, Kristina! Apologies and a ?
How about a nice then?
or to go with it?

*swirls around to focus on WR instead*

- - -





Ah - alright then - apology accepted! Thank you! *accepts and and *

You're a crawler WR.

However the lady is right, apologies mi'dear - perhaps you would be such a woman to make me see things differently

*turns back to eye P_R with a glance like a flame-thrower*



*sweetly* So.. WR is a crawler, eh? And you, P_R, are a - ?

an unmittigated CAD who does not deserve the company of such Beauty, grace and charm.