h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Was thinking in the wee hours of this morning whilst coughing my lungs up due to yet another chest infection.. what the hell am i doing??
Im 28 years old.. and truly the state of my health is quite appalling. I know this..Ive known this for years, And yet I carry on smoking..not just lightly either! I know it cant be good for Josh either..n Im not an uncaring selfish person..but I still dont stop. If I dont stop I wont get to see him grow up..not without constant oxygen and wheelchair anyway..If Im lucky.Its almosst as though things arent real to me a lot of the time..I can disassociate from what Im doing without thining about it! Part of having BPD perhaps..its like seeing the world through blinkers..I can shut out my smoking,my health,my comfort eating and weight..like its not really happening. In a way perhaps Im scared to quit these self destructiv behaviours.. i actually asked myselff this morning what itis im scared of? what do i feel id be giving up? and do you know wgat the answer was? holding myself back1 id have to stop holding myself back and actually live n enjoy doing it! thats what im scared of..im so scared of being a failure ill subconciously damage myself like this so i cant get out there and fail! I have no faith in myself..little self esteem..but why ami clinging to these ideas? I can't be that bad! I have a beautiful son, a wonderful boyfriend wholoves me far more than I feel I deserve, some truly special and loved friends(some of whom ive never met apart from here), Iget on better with my dad now..i may even be beginning to forgive him..so why cant i see what the people who love me see(in me)? i really dont know..


sorry bit of a rant there

I wish i knew the answers, but if there is any way i can help. Just ask

Just keep proving me wrong

Will do

Serephina,
I believe that you stop smoking!
I believe in you!
you are yong and you have more power in you than you realise!
I will support you!

!
!

We are all here for you love

Thanks

Hello mum 'looks at shoes'

Hello darling

You made some interesting points in your little rant there, Seraphina. I would suggest that the fact that you recognise that you are using smoking/ill health as an excuse for not doing other stuff is very significant. I have heard many people say that it is necessary to recognise that you have a problem in order to be able to fix it.

So, you recognise what is wrong and now fixing it is the next step. I bet you can do it.



Liz
~

Thanks..

Isure hope so!

I keep thinking about quitting smoking too.... And keep procrastinating about it... £1250 I'd save at least a year were I to do so

Ooh, you need to meet a bloke that takes regular trips on the ferry!

Yeh; I used to have a friend who worked off shore would stock up and I'd get a whole bunch off him every few months; not enough for all my years needs, but still saved a fortune I do have a better answer though... quitting *thinks about it * maybe....

well if you quit

Just in case any of you decide to...

A293401

GB

Im reading a book at the mo with a big bit on reprogramming your brain out of old beliefs n habits n creating new ones..n im gonna get a big box of lollipops to suck on tomorrow..id much rather be fat n toothless than have lung cancer!

And there's another incentive on today's news...the link between smoking and blindness.