h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi! I'm glad you worked everything out. I'm Tilly of course, you know me from Neopets. Hey - nice personal space!

Well, since you're here, and I, after all, am an ACE, who's job is to help out newbies, I might as well do my job!

Welcome to h2g2, the net's friendliest and most social guide (Yadayadaya...) where everybody, old as well as young, can contribute (if you're good enough, of course ) You have a nice, helpfulthingy to your left, which you are probably clever enough to make out.

And... er... Why not drop by my page (just follow the link from my name) and we can talk later.

Good? Good.

Ahh, thanks. You put me on your list of friends. I'm touched *emotional sob of happiness*. I am going to go soonish cos I need my sleep for tomorrow. Thanx again, I am really enjoying this.
-Nat

Hi!

I can give you a few tips on what to do and where to go. (Could be you've been there before) so I just put up the best links here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/Welcome
This is the official h2g2 Welcome page. It's a link there to Douglas Adams- welcoming mesaage, which I recommend reading.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/DontPanic-Tour
You have the Don't Panic-Tour of h2g2, with general information.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/Talk
If you wish to be social, which I'd recommend, you have a short list of places to interact here. That page is changed weekly.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/Askh2g2
Ask the h2g2 community. Here you can ask all the regular people about everything, ("Why is the sky blue?" "Is it true that Stephen King isn't writing more books?") and join in on some nutty conversations yourself ("What is more useless than learning to speak Klingon?")

And if you in the end is so tired of being social, Why not just let the Infinite Improbability Drive do all the work:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/RandomEditedEntry

Thanx. I hate being social, well most of the time then. I'm only on h2g2 for a bit cos I have things to do. Places to go people to see that sort of thing. Thanks for the advice, I promise to use it and not forget about it like everything else.

HAPPY EASTER (I DO THINGS SLIGHTLY IN ADVANCE)

Don't bother starting a conversation (Not that you would want to). I have to go. Don't get too upset.
Great, lunch time. As I had no brakfast I am entitled to abandon you in favour of a burger + juice. mmm, burger. I had better go before we're all ankle deep in drool.
Bye
-R.G.W
PS. The witch ditched me. She's not coming! I am so MAD!!!
Ok (to self) Nat calm down, just count down from 100. 100, 99, 98, 97, 96 . . .
Ok I'm fine now, as calm as a summers breeze. Hmm.
As you can probably tell that was a cheap exscuse to practice my smilies. What can I say, I'm a little devil!

Well, HAPPY EASTER to you too!

Well, I'm celebrating Easter in advance, so that's okay. I saw 'Easter Parade' today, so my whole concious is telling me "Hey, wake up Tilly, it's EASTER!"

"Abandoned in favour of a " - sounds like a great plot for a film. No, not really You know, if I'd ever get in charge of making a movie, I know I would completely overdo it in some way. I think 'The Sausages of Doom' would be a nicely overdone movie title...

And you are shoving the unmistakable signs of having found the h2g2 smilies!

I know. How about 'THE ATTACK OF THE GIANT LIGHTBULBS FROM OUTERSPACE!' or 'WHEN SAUSAGES ATTACK' or even 'THE MUTANT SWAMP TOMATO!'
Sounds good huh? I think I'll get Ron Howard to direct and maybe Russel Crowe could play the proffeser (oops, 'WHEN BAD SPELLING ATTACKS!' should be just right for this occasion) and I could play the feisty yet lovable heroine and for her admiring young lover?, Hmm, how about Elijah Wood or maybe Sean Biggerstaff? Mmm, Sean Biggerstaff. You could play the erm, swamp tomato? He he, only joking. How about the only person who knows how to stop the swamp tomato and you live on some far away island (with the man of your dreams, I'm so good to you). Throw in a time machine somewhere and you have a tacky 50's movie. Voila, and there you have it . . . next years blockbuster hit.
Well, I'm off (to grannies like I told you in the neomessage) so I will see you in a few days.
Bye
-R.G.W
[REASEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

PS. Do you think the smile thing is contageous? Cos If it is, I have it BAD!

Oh I can see it now!

And what a real thriller needs, is a bunch of cute girls to get slaughtered first! Let's see, now Britney Spears has become a movie actor...

"Britney walks catiously towards the bushes she had heard the weird noises coming from

Britney: Hello? Anyone there? AAAAAAAHHH!"

I'm not very serious today...

Oh yeah, smileys are very contageous In fact some have even abandoned letters in favour of them!

Talk to ya soon

What d yu mean? I can't believe that people wuld abandon letters in fvour of smilis.
Britney has to go. Did you hear, she got booed at the premiere of her new film Crossroads over here in the UK? What can I say, I certainly didn't start it! *snigger*
Hmm I know, I always had a hankering to kill a popular celebrity. How about someone from S club 7 or even J-lo! Oh yes, I'm going into rapsody's here! I can just imagine it. Only problem is that sado's (when I say sado's I mean popular-celeb hating people) like me (and a few others, ok 1 then) will be the only ones who come to see this movie. Small prob.
I find it hard to be serious at all, never mind the day, place, time or occasion. I am insane.
Isn't that weird by the way, shouldn't it be outsane instad of insane. That makes no sense, does it?
The fatigue is getting to me, I have gone to bed relatively early and woken up quite late each day this week. Still, I am so tired, I want to lie down wherever I am, and go to sleep on someones shoes.
Loafers are particulary comfy for a good sleep
Well, I had better go and catch up on A LOT of missed sleep (when I say that I mean not sleeping through the entire day). It's Good Friday tommorow. Or at least I think it is? I can't remember! Oh help, I'm loosing my mind . . Ahhhhhhhhh!
If it is good friday then HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY . . .
Oops, I'm falling asleep. My eye-lid's are drooping and my head's slumping down and is a b ou t to fall a n d hi t th e key - b o ar d . . . . It's a a goo o d j o b I type out my name bef- ore I fin ish my lett er . . .
"zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz"

-R.G.W
[REASEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

I will do my best to avoid seeing Britney's movie. I heard the critics had laughed their asses off, and not neccessarily in the scenes that are meant to be funny!
Oh yeah, I would love to see someone from S Club 7 go... "Don't stop, never give AAAARRGH!!" I would definately go see a movie like that!
Well, I am such a person that watch "MacGyver" in the hope that some day, someone will manage to do him in!

Gotta go and change to some more suitable clothes (am wearing my pink pyjamas now...)

HAPPY EASTER!
Hmm, the only reason I watch most TV programmes is so that some pert and popular beauty (there is always one)will get horribly maimed or generally hurt in some undignified way. Paul has left S Club 7 by the way, he's gone off to join a hard rock band type thing. Yay! 1 down 6 to go. I hope that you don't see "that movie" because all my hard work of turing you into a Britney hating psycopath, will all be in vain. I would be most upset with you .
Wahoooo! I have done my paper round and am looking forward to one whole paper free weekend! Celebration! Oh yeah, party time for all . . .
I am looking forward to the weekend, chocolate, tv specials and bad (c grade)movies. Well, I had better go and unpack all my stuff (I still haven't unpacked since my grandparents house)and clean my desk. It's a complete mess and I am getting a load of greif over it!
Gotta go, bye

-R.G.W
[REASEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Hmm. I once wrote an essay (about 20 pages) about how damaging the whole Hollywood look on teenagers is. How most of them always devide into Cool - Geek. I remember I got an A+ on that one...

And you will have an easy job turning me into a Britney hating psycopath, because I am currently a Britney disliking weirdo, so... That will probably not be too hard.

Here's to your paper free weekend, by the way; Bånnski! Personally, I'm planning to dedicate this weekend to desperate grasping after the last remains of the holiday. What can I say, I like to start doing things in time.

Getting late now, better get comfy in those pink pyjamas again... Zzzzz....

We have another week of holidays until I have to go back to school. It seems that it's been a month let alone a week, I have nothing to do. I am so alone ! I really need to get connected with some of my friends from school. I'm so desparate for human company, I have started talikng to my fish and have been caught asking Max (my hamster) what he thinks of pop-idol?!
Have you heard, (I always have the latest news cos I never get out) that the Queen Mother died today, at 3.15 pm to be precise? At the ripe age of 102, I think. Shame, she lived to a ripe old age and had a full and rewarding life. It's going to be a day of mourning now. Just what I needed to bring my spirits up.
Ever seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer? If you have seen the new ones don't you think Warren is so fit?! He's a baddie, and a dork, wow, he's my kinda guy! His friends are really cute too . . .
I need sleep (again) and I had better go and get some (after food, food very important, need food, love food, food friend, mmm food). It's lasagne tonight, joy! Salad too. Ahh well, can't have everything in life. *sigh*
Gotta run , dinner calls. Well, my Mum anyway. Bye . . .

-R.G.W
[REASEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

Yeah, I read about the Queen Mother last night when I logged on. Gosh, I never quite saw her as a, well, MORTAL. She had obviously found some secret to a long life, so one could think, "why stop there?"

Anyway... They stopped sending Buffy the Vampire Slayer a couple of, uh, years ago here. I don't think we got as far as introducing this Warren. Always liked Spike though. Blonde, bad and immortal. What else could a girl ask for?

Hmm. Now I've been invited to a dinner made by my sister's boyfriend (he's also my bands manager). He's about forty, balding and love comic books. My sister has won the jackpot, right?

I better go to his dinner party now...

Take care!

Well, I'm impressed. Loves comic books and good music? Wow!
I had to go to church today . But surprisingly I had an ok time. The local church I go to is very laid back (while my other church in Nottingham is really strict) so it makes a change. The downside is I have to wear really uncomfortable trousers which gets me really worked up . By the time we got home I was trying very hard to stay calm and not loose my temper.
I'm very annoyed with the bbc. It's Easter Sunday and they have not had ONE religious programme all thats on is tributes to the Queen Mother! It's sad, I know but it's Easter for god's sake! It's a time to remember the Lord Jesus Christ. The papers complained about it, and I quote the headline(The Mail on Sunday, March 31, 2002):
"Insipid, patronising and crass. Have the bbc's Easter broadcasts been planned by th old devil himself?(...or was it just the agnostic head of religious programmes)"
Also may I quote a small passage from the article:
"What religious programming there is on television is unoriginal, anaemic, and patronising, relegated to times when most potential viewers are in bed or at church."
It's pathetic, I mean what do they think Easters for? A convenient day for no work and the chocolate eggs are a happy bonus? What are they playing at?!?! They seem to have no concept of what Easter's about! Sorry about that, I will just try and calm down now .
Have you heard about this art (I use the term loosely) exhibit called "Body Worlds"?
It's sick . It's an exhibit of dead bodies that have been preserved in a way so that you can bend the bodies into different positions and poses. They have no skin (THESE ARE REAL BODIES OF DEAD PEOPLE, AND HORSES ETC.!)all you can see is their internal organs and muscles. There are horrible ones of, a dissected pregnant woman, foetus', small babies, a man on a horse (I have seen that one), and a man (With his head cut open so you can see his brain) puzzeling over a chess-board (I saw that one too). It's the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Incidentaly, a man who saw the exhibit lost it and started attacking one of the bodies with a claw hammer! He did plan the thing, he doesn't carry a clawhammer around with him, to my knowledge anyway.
It's sick. The guy in my newspaper (Yeah, I'm cool , I get my own newspaper) who reviewed the exhibit said (I don't know if you know the whole thing about the Millenium Dome, but it was rubbish and cost a fortune to build) and I quote:
"The body worlds is probably the most stupid spectacle to have been mounted in this country since the Millenium dome in Greenwich closed. Don't go whatever you do."
He gave it 0 stars out of 5 incidentaly. Heh heh, !
I have to show you the article. You would be shocked .
Well good luck at the dinner party, don't do anyhing I wouldn't do. Actually, no. Do everything I WOULDN'T do. Which means:
. No burping.
. No laughing at inappropriate moments eg. During a moment of silence.
. Don't make rude or inappropriate conversation.
. Keep your pants to yourself.
. And don't sing rude limericks or anything at all. I know It's tempting . . .
Woah! That's a long message! Gotta go, I have plenty more to tell you but I had better save it till next time!
Bye

-R.G.W
[REASEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

We have lot's of religious programmes here . Only to be interrupted by Satanic concerts (it's a festival going on in Oslo) and Big Brother Hello! There are actually people here that DON'T find it interesting watching people drink, puke, swear and doing, well, private things with each other. Sorry, I'm just FED UP with Big Brother...

I know, the "Body Worlds"-thing is sick! There was a programme about it some time ago. Is there one thing I think should be respected, it's Death. But oh no - "let's make money out of it!" There's also a similar exhibit going on in the Norwegian Fearnley Museum. I went there, but I didn't know of the exhibit at the time. Only they have preserved animals, split in half in seperate tanks, so you must walk "through" them. I mean calves, cats, horses, dogs; You name it. I respect death and I respect animals - seems like the "artist" didn't do neither.
There was also a couple of years ago an exhibition that was made entirely out of crusifixed animals - mostly mice. The horrible was that the "artist", once again, had pinned them up when they was alive! The "art" was watching them as they died a horrible death! I would gladly buy the bullet for his head Sorry, I just get worked up with animals in pain...

Well, the dinner party went well. We were served burnt apple pie and melting vanilla ice Except for some very embarassing silences, I think it went well. He collects teddy bears, so his living room is full - I think he has about 500 of them!

He he he! Oh dear! Teddy bears? Erm, how. . . interesting.
I know, when Big Brother was on over here, I was the only one out of all my friends who refused to watch it. I hated it, there was nothing in it for me. It was stupid, childish, and gross. It was the same with Pop Idol, Survivor and the other one about the band? What was it called? They created the band Hear'say.
Yeah, the exhibit you probably went to see may have been Damien Hirst. He never tried anything as big as the Body Worlds exhibit, but what he did was sick enough anyway. There's no exscuse for animal cruelty. But I'm not sure if the one you saw was Damien Hirst. It may have been another artist.
Anyway, have you actually seen any of the Body Worlds exhibits? The man who made it should be ashamed, he calls himself a professor! Hah! He has the nerve. His full name is 'Professor' von Hagens and he's German. My feelings towards his work are too strong to write down, if you get my drift ?
I am sickened to think of a pregnant woman's body, dissected, striped of her flesh and put on show. It's sick! You are taking some serious creative liscence to call that monstrosity art! The man who destroyed one of the exhibits WAS certainly in the right frame of mind. He did the world a favour. Dad's were taking their little girls to see that! I'm serious, what kind of sicko would take their child to see that massacre.
I am coming down with a cold . *Sob* I can't cope with one right now, I need flu medicine!
Lucky! There is no religious programming today, at all. The only sight of even the tiniest amount of religion (On Easter Monday of goodness sake!) was when I watched the news and they showed about 6 seconds of the Popes Easter message to the people. That's a disgrace!
Never mind. What can you do? I'm not in the position to go and complain. Too tired .
I'm in a funny mood today . Hmm, never mind. I'm having a bad hair day, It's gone all curly and fuzzy. Speaking of which, there should be a bad-hair-day smiley! I'm a genius , I know, you don't have to tell me!
Do you have a web-site? I'm working on mine as we speak, well not literally. I have two on the go. One is really big (4-5 pages big I think. That's all my doing! I'm so modest too.)and the other is a joint one with a friend. It's not finished.
What's your fave film ever? I loved The Matrix + Gladiator + Castaway.
The always had someone who died or suffered etc ! He he!
Wow, another long letter ! Gotta go, Bye!

-R.G.W
[RESEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

I came to think of... Once, when I was about to go into the Museum of Modern Arts, I was approached by a person who begged me for 5 kroner (1 Norwegian Krone = 0,079 GBP)
I gave him 2 and told him to buzz off. I didn't think much more of it, knowing that Oslo is flowing with beggars, until I got in, I saw a man handing out 5 kroner to everybody that passed! It was entertaining (and rewarding!) yes, but was it art? No.

Um, I haven't technically been to a Body Worlds exhibit. Only read and heard a lot of it - It's very hard to avoid. Sick, sick, sick...

I have one wesite dedicated to the Phantom of the Opera which I grew tired of almost immediately after I had created it. Accessable here: http://www.clix.to/fosca44
Oh, and I had a lot of really cool websites, but when Homestead started charging money for their "free" websites, I quit. Those b*****ds.

Anyway, my favourite movies can vary from week to week. Right now I love feel-good ones. Now it's "Hair" and "Singin' in the Rain" - I love young Gene Kelly! But if I'd have to pick a more recent movie, I'd say "Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring" I was truly impressed. Have you seen it? What did you think of it?

Ooooh, I've had stomachaches all day Poor me...

Gotta go!

Saw your site! It's great. I signed your guest book. You really know your way around the theatre. I'm sooooo impressed, mines stupid. It's not up and running but it looks rubbish compared to yours *sob* !
No I haven't seen lord of the rings but i hear good things about it!, have you read the books? My friend Vickie has,and say's that they are very hard going. I don't have the time or inclination to get started on them, at the moment I feel too brain dead to do anything which will involve any mental stimulation what so ever. Vickie took me shopping so she could buy Itching cream for her rash ! She has no shame.
I really should go to the opera but I never have the money or time! *sigh* I should go now, I'm going to watch Hannibal now! Ooh! Scary, Hannibal is a cannibal , in case you didn't know.
Bye

-R.G.W
[REASEARCHER.GONE.WRONG]

To answer the wuiestion you left in my guestbook: I used HTML on some, but not all... If I only used my knowlegde in HTML it would look so disgusting your computer would instantly shut down! Believe me, I've tried

I've read "The Hobbit" and thought it was great, but I've been stuck reading "Lord of the Rings" for years now.

Ooooh, Hannbial Lecter! Flesh eating, manipulating cannibal, but most of all... elegant. I loved those books as well, a bit gross in some parts, but the movies are even grosser. I think that "Silence of the Lambs" movie was much better than "Hannibal", but that just me. When I learned that Jodie Foster didn't play Starling, I was very disappointed.

Mmmm... I ate his liver with a nice Chianti... *makes that disgusting noise*