h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Emmily,
I haven't been online properly for ages so I thought I'd make contact again I didn't realise you were an ACE I've just become a Scout (which probably means you outrank me*) and am throwing myself headfirst into this community. Which could be painful.

Whats been happening with you? I started my new business and have made absolutely no money at all. But I get to start at 11.00 and finish at 3.00 so who needs money.

Cheerio,

Fredward

*Sir

hi Fred....
congrats on becoming a Scout....i wasn't an ACE when you first called me stupid..(at my request if i remember correctly)..been an ACE since beginning of June..unlike the sexes..all badges are equal..do mind your head..when throwing it into the community..or at least make sure you have enough pain killers..
last week was a good week for me..only problem is..i can't say anything about it..it involved an alien visit..&..a few days out..
i have also stopped smoking..i was on 40+ a day..it's not been easy..today has been one of the worst days..i threw 2 'wabblers'..must've looked real funny..if anyone could've seen my dinning chairs taking flying lessons..they were completely useless..kept crashing on the floor..
i like you working hours..great thing about being your own boss..you don't say anything about a dinner break..surely..you give yourself a dinner break?..

Emmily

Emmily,
Sorry for calling you stupid I was probably giving up smoking myself at the time which makes me really evil (which is why I'm still smoking even after trying to give up about a million times).
Well done on managing to give up I know it's extremely difficult.

Apparently runner beans are the most aerodynamic shapes around so I recommend throwing them in the future as they're cheap and can't hurt anyone (unless your really angry)
I can't believe I don't give myself a dinner break I'll have to form a union. Tomorrow I will be picketing for this concession, and I have a feeling the management will fold...

Fred

Hi Fred..
i seem to have developed a very serious problem..an inabillity to say anyhthing witty..half-witty or semi-witty..there is a void..where my wittyness used to be..is now just a deep empty space..i'm afraid i may have become old & boring..over night..without noticing..don't know when it happened..or why it happened..i am currently working on a time machine..that i hope will take me back to a time..before this time..if the time machine doesn't work..there's always the anti-wrinkle cream..i can over-dose on that..hey..come to think of it..who needs a time machine..a couple of pots of anti-wrinkle cream..applied all at once should take me back in time..problem solved..

Emmily

Emmily,
A crisis of confidence in ones wittiness is a serious situation. Take it from me old & boring people don't decide to invent time machines... well with the exception of HG Wells but he was old and nuts (and apparently had a very sharp wit).

It may be possible to cause a rip in the fabric of space time with a sufficient amount of wrinkle cream and I await the results of your experiment with great anticipation.

Hows the giving up of cigarettes going? that always causes me to lose my wits, my sanity, my happiness and well my bad health.
Thats why I'm trying again, so expect some very angry posts soon although I will try and be nice and not call anyone names.

Fred