h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mauritania is back and this time he will be bad and moderately more mature.

For the past few years I have been searching the world for something to do but alas found nothing. So I decided to go to my roots and come back to h2g2 but for how long?

As no other bugger's answering in the chat thread and no other bugger's answering here I thought I might aswell.

Aloha.

Don't panic I'm here Welcome back ... I check outside sometimes to see if theeres anything to do... apparently there isn't so I remain stuck here

Oh Bob, there goes the neighbourhood...

I pressume you were doing a good job of dropping the local houseprices and geneally smutting up the neighbourhood before I arrived

'Natch.

I miss the nice friendly atmosphere and the random chitchat!

You only missed it beacause it...

Hang on, done that one already.

You want to watch out for that 2legs, right slapper he is.

I think you two need to go onto Trisha to sought your differences!

We went on Trishia - she was having none of it. If I remember correctly the conversation went thus:

'Allo Trish, babes, we got some differences we need to sort out'

'Oh, you'd best come on my...'

We came on her (oddly as she's certainly not my type and I don't think she's Madame Legster's either. Must have been something in the air).

Arrest followed imminently. We're now both subject to restraining orders.

...and that is how you both got your B.Perv honourships

Ooo theres loads more smileys these days compaired to a couple of years back

Not relevant:

There's currently a programme on TMF called 'Spice Girls: Behind The music'.

The jokes write themselves.

Even less relevent:

I think there was a documentry awhile back called:

Spice Girls: History of Feminism and the East India Trading Company

I once avoided:

Spice Girls: The Chimneys That Defeated Dibnah.

That was probably a good choice!

Unfortunately I turned over and watched:

Spice Girls: The Taramasalata Masters.

I enjoyed this one:

Spice Girls: One reason to murder Simon Cowell

I thought that was pretty good too.

Spice Girls: One step from Woolworths, a lifetime from credibility

was a good'n, certainly a lot better than:

Spice Girls: Watercolour Challenge Special.

Well it could'nt be anyworse than:

Spice Girls: Ready Steady Cook Special