h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Indeed, don't do it. I got dumped badly the first time about 6 years ago and hit the bottle bigtime, kept doing the "Stalker" routine and "just happening" to turn up everywhere she was. There followed a few revenge relationships with some poor unfortunate girls, and the whole sorry affair included my waking up in hospital many times (most impressively for having somehow fallen off a cliff, still don't know how I did that). Anyhow I finally sorted myself out when I met someone else that I actually liked 2 years and an amazing amount of money, alcohol and drugs later.
So I said to myself, this time, no acting like a moron if it goes pear-shaped again. And guess what, 3 years later I get dumped again, but this time I avoided doing the whole alcoholic/junky thing and instead went completely nuts without either. The stalker routine returned again (really, don't ever do this, nobody finds it attractive, it is strictly for the clinically insane) and so on and so forth, until the nice doctors told me I really was insane this time. Oh dear. Still, a year and a half and many happy pills later I am once again perfectly human, and not in the least psychotic, manically depressed or paranoid. And I've got the bit of paper to prove it.
Once again I must stress DON'T DO THIS EVER!