h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello There,

On the 13th March of March I was dumped by girlfriend of nearly two years. 5 weeks previously I had moved into her flat after months waiting for her flatmate to leave (problems with her own house move). I am shellshocked, devastated and very very sad - this was my first big relationship (I'm 26) and she is a year younger than me and this was her third significant relationship (she has also shown this tendancy to dump in the past) however the first time she has lived with a boyfriend - I had no indication she was about to do this and I thought we were better than this - we deserved better and we should fight for us - she has shown no desire to do this.

It was a problem with intimacy - our sex life had dropped off (not stopped) and this left me feeling frustrated - we first discussed this way back in Oct and I was assured that this was her issue, she said she had problems with her weight (she doesn't, but is sensitive about her weight gain and doesn't feel very good about herself) and that it might be the type of pill she was on...anyway after another frank discussion on Saturday I woke up on Sunday morning and it was all over - she loved me but was not 'in love' with me anymore - to her she had lost all sexual desire and we had simply become good friends and at 25 she wasn't prepared to settle for that in a relationship. I moved out later that week - completly destroyed.

We have spoken a few times since - nothing has changed, she is completly 100% committed to her decision - she admits that she is stubborn and is incredibly sad but insists she that she couldn't do this any other way - she is sorry for allowing me to move in but no intention to end things before Saturday - she likens it to waking up and realising that the spark had gone and she saw no point in dragging it out any longer than it should...of course hearing those words crushes me like a vice...there have been several tears!

In my opinion she has behaved unforgivably, you can't ask a person to move in if you are racked with doubt over the realtionship - or if she genuinley 'woke up' to those feelings that a spark had been extingushed then she has acted really impulsivley and thrown away something that (for the whole) was very positive and brought a great deal of contentment - don't you fight for something that made you happy? I suggested joint consoulling to deal with the sex issue and she lughed and point blank refused.

I need advice on learning how to let go, I'm moving away in May and we haven't spoken for 5 days now (even though when I speak I get a real kicking but I miss her so much that in a way it's almost worth it).

Also from a pure male ego POV how do you deal with the fact that someone just doesn't want you to be intimate with them anymore? That is such a hard thing for me to deal with - what have I done to not become desirable...

Sorry for the waffle - and well done for making it this far! Your help would be much appreciated.

John

I've no advice to offer, merely a friendly smile from a stranger who is in a similar position.

Here's hoping that we are now free, to go onto better things!
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