h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is not a lot to talk about except the snow. Lots of snow. Everywhere. The cars look like little white hills. I need to go grocery shopping today. Don't know how i'm going to get there.

Well, you probably needn't have bothered. Once you got there there would be no bread, milk or toilet paper left anyway.

nope, everything was there. I think having a *suprise* snow storm made the difference. Why bread and milk anyway?

I dunno. Apparently those are the 3 things that run out first. Bread possibly because there is usually little or no back stock (comes in fresh every day) and milk, I dunno. People use lots of milk. (Not me, but many people.)

*wonders how milky bread helps in snow*

Ummm...how's bread for soppage?

And do you know what happens to people if they can't make PB&J?? It's MADNESS I tell ya! MADNESS!

I can't drink milk, but I do run out of toilet paper.

Perhpas if you didn't drink the toilet paper so fast, or if you keep it in the colder part of the fridge it would last longer.

*sob*

I admit it!! I'm a toilet paper j-j-j-unky!! I love the way the d-d-double quilting feels when it s-s-slides down my throat!!

*sob*

Hmm, *leads Krissy to the door* why don't we just go see a doctor about that..

*whispers* Amanda, i need you to be a doctor for me, quick!

*sob sob* Docccc! HELP ME!!!

Well I think Krissy said I have a *great* beside manner, so I'll be Doc if that'll do.

*in doctor voice*

Now Krissy, I think this all began in your childhood. Did you ever feel a need to eat paper prior to your fifth birthday? Was there a predominance of paper-eating in your family history? Does your family fail to discipline paper-eating?

Don't forget to mention the pills!

*lying on the couch*

Actually, paper-eating began in my family with Uncle Horace in 1922. Horace was a coal miner from New York City with family of 43 children to support.....

*time passes*

....and so I said, "Who needs nail polish remover anyway?? I was given PEANUT BUTTER and was FINE!!"

*looks up*

Wow!!! Sorry, I think we got a little off-topic. The point is, I believe, medicate me please.

Yes. Medication. Happy pills. That was most definatly the point.

Er... well, I have these pretty blue ones and these pretty purple ones with a white stripe, and even these nice pink ones. I'm not sure what they do, but you can have them if you really want.

But be careful with them. They were expensive! A quarter for five out of this special pill-dispensing machine. It's wonderful what you find outside the supermarket these days.

OOoooooooo....*snatches em all and swollows em*

Hey...these are sweet tarts! Hardly mind bending at all.

Depends on how many you eat!

*searches pocket for quarters*

*starts shaking*

I need more of em, Man....what are you doing??? I'm goin' through sweet tart WITHDRAWL here!!!

I'd get you more, Krissy, but I wouldn't want you to overdose. Too many sweet tarts is not a good thing.

And besides, you can't get them here.

*sobs*

*begins to convulse*

Ssssssswwwwweeeetttt-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t...akckekckekdkkkk

*in announcer voice*

And that, my fellow americans, brits, and people living upside down, etc....etc...

Is all she wrote.