h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Tonight's the night I shall be talking a bout of flu the subject of word association football. This is a technique out a living that has occupied piper the majority rule of my attention squad! by the right, number 1, 2, 3, for the last five years, to the memory.

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The Church Police "Oh Lord, we beseech thee, tell us: 'oo croaked Leicester?"
The Almighty (in a surprisingly camp voice) "THE ONE IN THE BRACES, 'EE DUN IT."
The one in the braces "O, alright then - but society is to blame as well."
Church Police "Fair enough, we'll be charging them in due course".

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Hardy settles himself down at his desk, body straight, shoulders relaxed, pen held lightly but firmly in the right hand, he dips the pen in the ink and he’s off! It’s the first word, but it’s not a word, oh no, it’s a doodle way up on the left-hand margin, it’s a piece of meaningless scribble and he’s signed his name underneath. Oh dear, what a disappointing start!

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For Ralph Mellish this was not to be the start of any trail of events which would not, in no time at all, involve him in neither a tangled knot of suspicion nor any web of lies, which would - had he been not uninvolved - surely have led him to no other place than the Central Criminal Court of the Old Bailey. But it was not to be!

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Our main weapon is surprise, surprise and fear.
[Pause]
Our two main weapons are surprise and fear. And ruthless efficiency.
[Pause]
Three - our three main weapons are surprise, and fear, and ruthless efficiency. And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
...Our four - no! *Amongst our weapons are* such things as surprise, fear...I'll come in again.


...by the way, checking on the Spanish Inquisition script (see http://www.ai.mit.edu/people/paulfitz/spanish/script.html) and finishing up helpless with laughter, tears all down my face, I also came across this on a web site (http://www.wwnorton.com/catalog/fall96/spanish.htm) - somebody at Norton Books has a sneaky sense of humour...