h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have a serious problem with olives. It's not a problem with how they taste because I think that they are the most amazing vessel for green and red to enter my body. I love them on pizza. They're great in salad. Slice them up for pasta salad. They go really well on a cracker with pate and a small piece of havarti. Mmmmmmm. They are good on a spoon and belong in my belly. They are one of the intrinsic components in diddly bing bong. So why does one rogue soldier always have to leap off the spoon and pause ala Trinity in the Matrix, allowing me to think I've got any kind of chance at scooping it out of mid air? It upsets me greatly. It's not like there's anything cool on my kitchen floor.

(Rogue olive rolls up).

I happen to enjoy a leisurely roll down Broken Pasta Lane. You should see the watering hole over on Dust Ball Avenue, yes it's a dish to you and your monster of a cat but to me it's great for cooling down on a hot day. Am I not allowed to want more? Oh I see, I'm supposed to accept my role as make-your-belly-happy-guy? You'll never catch me, I own you and your cat.......

(Rogue olive suspends self in air, rolls around three walls and leaves).

Wow, nice exit. Still hate it when I drop an olive.

But the very best thing about olives is that you can wear them on the tips of your fingers!! Very cool thing for a food is for it to be a cross between faux fingernails and jewelry. Very cool indeed.