A Conversation for W.H. Auden

Alternative Writing Workshop: A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 1

sinnerman pfank

Entry: W.H. Auden - A25555070
Author: sinnerman - U9260985

I wrote and posted a version of this a while ago. It was inspired by going on holiday for two weeks and coming back and finding over 1000 e-mails in my in-box at work!!

Auden's "Night Mail" re-written for the realities of 21st century communication.......


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 2

U1250369


Evening, sinnerman.

Would you humour me and point me in the direction of your original version. I think I remember enjoying reading it almost as much as this one.

Thankssmiley - smiley


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 3

sinnerman pfank

Chips!

Nice to hear from you after so long (must be a couple of years, since I was last here (?)

I don't seem to be able to access my old space any,ore so I had to set up a new one. I'll see if I can find it.

Were you the person who requested a poem based on "three little maids", or am I confused as usual?


SP


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 4

U1250369


Sinnerman, nice to hear from *you* again.

Three Little Maids, hhmm, don't think it was me.

Confused ? You ?

No, never !


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 5

sinnerman pfank

Chips

apologies if I've mistaken you for another person of this name -this is Orland (as used to be - I thought I'd change my name as I was setting up a new page) - you used to regularly comment on my work a couple of years back

Apologies, again, if I've made a mistake and got the "wrong" chips - though I suspect not!

Orland


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 6

Trout Montague

It's a great idea.

My key concern is that it needs to scan. Auden's night-train is more rhythym(sp?) than content, chuffing along those steel rails. Rhyming couplets of ten; something like:

diddly-diddly-diddly-diddly-diddle-dee
diddly-diddly-diddly-diddly-diddle-dee

There will be others to put my right. The thing is, you need to count your syllables

Choo choo all aboard ...


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 7

Trout Montague

And you need to speed it up hither and thither:

Letters for the rich, letters for the poor,
The shop at the corner and the girl next door.

The short punchy alliteration in the first line is the train going over the points. Say it quick like a train going across a junction.

The second line sees the train resume it's more regular express-but-languid style.


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 8

U1250369


Thanks for those points, I'll go read it again


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 9

minorvogonpoet

I think this works well as a poem about the perils of email. The use of internal and line-end rhymes accentuates the satire. smiley - smiley

It doesn't work so well as an update of Auden's Night Train. The rhythm of Night Train is central to the effect of the poem. It mimics the progress of the train - sometimes a pronounced regular beat as the train speeds North, sometimes slower and less regular, as the train slides to a stop.

You could retitle the poem without the reference to Auden.It would work on its own.


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 10

U1250369


Just a thought...if you wanted, you could you jiggle your words so that they run parallel with the metre of Night Train ?


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 11

sinnerman pfank

Evening Chips

As a general guide, I'm not a big fan of commenting on my own work, but, as it's you, just this once………

As is well celebrated, Auden's original had a cadence which reflected that of the train, as it traversed the hills and valleys. I think it is a beautiful evocation of a bygone era, (well, bygone now anyway, not when he wrote it) full of energy and optimism.

By contrast, modern e-mail delivery has no such rhythm, so following Auden's structure would make no sense. In fact, there's a dissonance to e-mail that would lend itself quite naturally to having no repeating meter at all (Ogden Nash was a master of the rhythming unsymmetrical!). However, having said this, I did want it to be light and accessible, so I didn't want to take it to any structural extreme just to make a technical point.

I gave it the title "WH Auden", not to highlight the similarities but to reflect the differences with, however, several obvious nods to the original along the way. It isn't intended to be a direct parody.

Maybe I should have posted it with its alternative title; "Switch on, log in, give up", an allusion to Timothy Leary's famous 1960's counterculture quote; "turn on, tune it, drop out", extolling the virtues of LSD use. (In my case the title referring to our modern version of LSD, LCD, illuminating pretty much every modern computer screen. Not counterculture, but probably more subversive)

(See, told you it wasn't any fun having this author prattle on about his own work!)

Sinnerman

P.S. As an aside, thinking about it, I guess writing a poem purely using text shorthand, would be the next logical step in this journey of evolving communication (but as I can hardly use my mobile, I'm afraid such a piece would be well beyond my capabilities!). In fact reading this site, another idea would be for someone to write one using (just) smiley symbols. Now there's a challenge!


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 12

U1250369

Thank you, sinnerman, it's very kind of you to take the trouble to explain. I didn't think you were prattling - it was very interesting and totally logical.

A poem using text shorthand might be fun, but I think it's unfortunate that we no longer make use of good old English language. Texts are replacing the need to send letters. Whatever next ? Condolence texts to the recently bereaved 'sorry 2 hear ur mum dead lol x'

Smiley symbols eh ? I shan't be taking up the gauntlet

Kind regards
smiley - clown
smiley - hangover
I
smiley - panda
smiley - spider


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 13

U3193321

Thank you sinnerman, I can empathise with you smiley - ok


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 14

Bluebottle

Another hidden entry. Back to Entry?

<BB<


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 15

Bluebottle

It is a shame, as of course Auden is one of the best 20th Century poets and h2g2 needs an entry about him.

<BB<


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 16

SashaQ - happysad

Seconded


A25555070 - W.H. Auden

Post 17

SashaQ - happysad

And Seconded as well


Key: Complain about this post

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more