h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've recently blown my entire inheritance on synthesizers. I didn't really have much of an inheritance though so technically I've blown my inheritance on synthesizer. I also got a grand and a half laptop and went hunting for lots of shinily illegal and interesting software to play with. Which I found. Now I am in the process of learning how to use all these delicious gubbins. I am well aware from past experiences that learning how to use new musical tools is one of the most unmusical things in the universe but I wasn't really prepared for the amount of knowledge my budget brain unit would be needing to absorb. So now I've got loads of cool toys and I'm pretty close to spitting my dummy because I can't get anything to gel using them. It's okay though because I have my new musical project: UNCLE FUNK PUMP. The basic idea of this is to rip the piss, mainly by rendering cheesy eighties and early nineties dancefloor-electro unlistenable with a combination of general midi, FM synthesis, deranged electronic drums, my girlfriend wearing a denim jumpsuit with shoulder pads and gold high heels while playing the keyboards and live drums courtesy of my next door neighbour's twelve year old daughter. Today I arranged Michael Jackson's classic Beat It, guitar solo inclusive, for double time 909 jungle and dirty FM doorbell noises. Tomorrow, Push It by the esteemed Salt'n'Pepper. So hopefully by the time I've got the entirety of Yorkshire's music press baying for my blood I'll know enough about my gear to make something less shoulder pad oriented.

Go on then, what was the synth?

The Elektron monomachine, basically six different monosynths at the same time or six versions of the same monosynth or one monosynth in poly mode and a very, very in depth sequencer.

Have you ever heard of the Synton Fenix?

Nope, but you've already got me oozing envy.

I did recently purchase a PCR-800, which is pretty sexy as controller keyboards go, and am currently having a lot of fun with an overdriven arpeggiated patch from the MiniMogueVA with some widdling from the Arppe2600va, both of which are available with much freeness from here: http://glenstegner.com/softsynths.html

I have a three tier keyboard stand, a couple of expression pedals and a couple of sustain pedals on order, and am seriously considering getting some live stuff together.

That sounds intensely rad. My controller keyboard is a super cheap evolution thing, with little stickers indicating notes, number of semitones plus or minus middle c and all my freakish midi mappings from the nineties. It rattles. This doesn't bug me much as I can't play it very well anyway and tend to step sequence every thing.

My next buy might be either a full version of Reaktor if I manage to sell some music or a m-audio MPC ripoff drum pad doofer if I don't. I'm in geeky learning pupae mode anyway so all I'm making is nonthreatening west coast chip hop and the aforementioned Uncle Funk Pump stuff, which just makes me laugh.

http://www.datasynthi.com/dutchsynths/fenix/

that link is from memory