h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Sir/Madam,

I arrived at Haymarket station in time for the 1737 Dunblane service . It was delayed. Okay, fine. I'll get the 1749 Queen St service. Then a garbled announcement comes over and after hearing it repeated a few times I figured out that there has been yet ANOTHER signal failure at Winchburgh and the only way to get home is to get a train to Glasgow Central and then a train back the way to Polmont.

Figuring I didn't want to spend an hour and a half travelling 20 miles, I decided to take the 1821 First Bus service to Grangemouth, the X19. I figured I'd get home at around 1900.

25 minutes later and it still hasn't turned up. A girl who was at the station with me tells me that you wouldn't even lay on taxis to get people home because "it's not Scotrail's responsibility to get passengers home" because the trains would be up and running again - the member of staff just didn't know when. This is totally unacceptable.

It's five past seven in the evening now and I'm sitting in an internet cafe as I type this, waiting for my partner to drive through from Grangemouth to pick me up.

Why? Because of your abysmal service.

Now, I pay a lot of money for my season ticket every month and not a week goes by when there's major delays on at least one day of the week. Not one apology came over that tannoy in the half hour I was standing on Platform 4 (at least, not one I could actually make out - you really need a new PA system) and as someone who is very experienced in customer service, this is simply unacceptable too. I appreciate the station staff don't have all the answers but to treat passengers (us lot who pay your wages, remember) as idiots is simply rude.

It's about bloody time you lot stopped staring at the bank statements and started spending money - I really grudge the price of my season ticket because what do I get? Other than the above, I have to contend with overcrowded trains every single day. You've made such a song and dance about your new fleet and how passengers between Glasgow Queen Street and Edinburgh Waverley would actually be able to sit down in the morning in my view you haven't improved one thing.

I'd appreciate it if you answered my email and gave me some answers instead of the usual fobbing off. I don't take bad excuses easily.

Yours faithfully,

fords

Remember my letter to National Car Parks in Bury when they gave me a parking ticket for no reason other than they wanted my beloved wreck of a fiat uno out of their posh town? I ended there letter "share and enjoy". This one would benefit from it even more than mine did

Never thought of that - damn!

Their even. I must stop posting under the influence of Badger brewwery gubbins.

But it's so nice!

Ah, everything that's wrong with the country encapsulated into one e-mail. It's time companies started caring about their customers instead of their shareholders.

If you're in an internet cafe right now, hope you're in a warm cardi. Quite chilly out there

Hang on...You're waiting for your partner to pick you up from the cafe, but EV is on here posting right now Does he have a laptop in his car?

No, I drive a laptop. Brrrrrm!

It was bloody freezing earlier! And wet!

And to cap it all the battery in my mp3 player died as I was at the bus stop. I put my spare one in but realised it was dead too as I gave EV my spare for the camera

Er I mean

I can see EV getting a stern telling off tonight.

What have I done now?

Have you picked Ford sup or are you still at home on hootoo?

If you read it, you'd realise it was five past seven when I was typing that

And it's now 23.47 GMT/BST.

Shuddup Wolfie...

You don't pick that sort of stuff up when you're skim reading, or under the influence

Or simultaneously doing both whilst tryong to spell "simultaneously"

You shouldn't be so lazy

Lazy schmazy. Spelling takes effort, or at least the ability to rememember where the keys are when typing.