h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am a father, not some appendage of my wife whose sole purpose is to carry the paraphernalia of parenthood like a hotel porter.

Strong words indeed, but I felt they needed to be said. I would describe myself as a novice father. Not quite at ease with the role but satisfied with progress and given time might get to an adequate level of competency. However if you have ever read any of the parenting or childbirth magazines would be forgiven to think that as a species, the farther is extinct.

Hardly a mention is made of this seldom seen creature other than to inform the prospective mother that she should occasionally reassure her partner that he is an important part of the process and to understand if her attention is focused elsewhere.

I am not arguing that women need to be informed that is only right but it is also important that the farther be given guidance and solace. Up until the point my wife informed me she was pregnant I was blissfully unaware of all things baby. They were just an annoyance in restaurants, an inconvenience on public transport and an obstacle to be negotiated when shopping.

All of those ideas went out of the window I was going to be a farther. I was the time to put away childish things and become a man. No problem I could handle that. It was then I realised I knew nothing and I mean nothing, about babies, childbirth or parenting. I had never even held a baby before. So you can imagine my disappointment when I tore open the shiny plastic cover of my first parenting magazine, threw away the fliers for holidays, nappies and encyclopaedias and flicked through the pages to find an article that could help me.

About two seconds later when I had reached the back cover and discovered that there was nothing of use to the prospective farther I realised the next few months were going to be a long hard slog.

We decided to go to parenting classes, an embarrassing program aimed at totally confusing its students with out of date information and practices. From the outset I hoped to learn something about what it meant to be a farther but again I was thwarted. To be fair the class was useful but it still left me with the feeling that there must be more to know.

Events finally caught up with us one Sunday evening. We rushed over to the hospital expecting the delivery within hours. This was not to be and we were advised to return home and wait. Monday evening we returned to the hospital and the ordeal began. During this time my wife had been in considerable pain and all I could do was be there for her, fetch and carry, offer support, etc. Nothing in the magazines or books had informed me to expect to feel utterly useless during the final hours of delivery, all I could do was stand by and watch events unfold.

Eventually on Tuesday evening at eleven thirty our daughter was born. Those were the longest days of my life but the end result was incredible. To hold my daughter for the first time was truly amazing, its an experience that will be with me for the rest of my life and one I was totally unprepared for.
Looking back at the whole experience it has become a blur of emotions, terror and ecstasy. Sleepless nights have taken their toll on both of us, especially my wife as she looks after our child while I am at work but I can still remember the feeling of arriving back home from the hospital with our daughter and thinking What do we do now.

Our daughter is now seven months old and wakes up with a huge smile every morning. She keeps us awake during the night and demands constant attention. She is a terrible burden on her poor parents but we wouldnt swap her for all the peanuts in the world.

So please next time you visit a couple with a new baby, stop and ask the farther how he is feeling, he will be your friend for life.