A Conversation for Nervousness
Alternative Writing Workshop: A47915003 - Nervousness
Secretly Not Here Any More Started conversation Feb 25, 2009
Entry: Nervousness - A47915003
Author: Psycorp Six-Oh-Three (This bit goes in the brackets) - U219983
Stretcher Entry #4
A47915003 - Nervousness
TRiG (Ireland) A dog, so bade in office Posted Feb 25, 2009
Funny symbols (curly apostrophes and dashes) are appearing as, well, funny symbols in my browser, making this hard to read.
dash: — or –
apostrophe: &rsquot; or a simple straight apostrophe, which need not be encoded.
'inverted commas': &lsquot; &rsquot; &lquot; &rquot;
TRiG.
A47915003 - Nervousness
minorvogonpoet Posted Feb 25, 2009
Yes, this feels real - a good portrayal of interview nerves.
I think the third sentence in the second paragraph should read:
'He knew he'd be able to come here and do what he set out to do.'
A47915003 - Nervousness
Beatrice Posted Feb 25, 2009
Yup, that's all vividly familiar!
Spotty-nosed or snotty-nosed?
A47915003 - Nervousness
Secretly Not Here Any More Posted Feb 25, 2009
After a conversation with a friend, I need to change the ending.
A47915003 - Nervousness
Secretly Not Here Any More Posted Feb 25, 2009
Actually, I can't, would be cheating. But for posterity, here's his comment:
"damn, i was waiting for a twist and had convinced myself midway through the second para that the last sentence would read "and she handed him the cup and asked him to enter the room to make his sperm deposit" "
A47915003 - Nervousness
LL Waz Posted Feb 25, 2009
Good. Real, vivid and concise.
I don't suppose there is a correct spelling of kidder, but kiddo would be more familiar round here.
An ending with a punch would add to it, and I don't think changes made before Thurday midnight are cheating. But imo the sperm deposit twist, though funny, seems more obvious than the class of the entry deserves.
A47915003 - Nervousness
Secretly Not Here Any More Posted Feb 25, 2009
I like the idea of a twist, but I do like the open ending it's currently got. If I can think of a different ending by tomorrow I might work it in.
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Alternative Writing Workshop: A47915003 - Nervousness
- 1: Secretly Not Here Any More (Feb 25, 2009)
- 2: TRiG (Ireland) A dog, so bade in office (Feb 25, 2009)
- 3: minorvogonpoet (Feb 25, 2009)
- 4: Beatrice (Feb 25, 2009)
- 5: Secretly Not Here Any More (Feb 25, 2009)
- 6: Secretly Not Here Any More (Feb 25, 2009)
- 7: Secretly Not Here Any More (Feb 25, 2009)
- 8: Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor (Feb 25, 2009)
- 9: LL Waz (Feb 25, 2009)
- 10: Secretly Not Here Any More (Feb 25, 2009)
- 11: Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor (Feb 26, 2009)
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