h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Back in 1999, I thought I had herniated a disc in my spine, it fitted all the symptoms and was just like the time I had done it at 17. Oh no I was told, nothing showed up on the x-ray. So I got better and things were good, then bad, then good then bad. It all got much worse in December 2004, so in April 2005 I went to a&e and was advised to ask for an MRI scan, as they show much more than x-rays. So I did, I went and asked, he said okay and then didn't bother. I didn't find this out till December 2005 when I rang and asked how long the waiting list was.

So I saw another doctor and he referred me, I saw the specialist in May 2006 and had the MRI. Although my next appointment was not for a year, they explained that my doctor just had to ask for the interpretation to be sent to him and that would save lots of time. So I asked my doctor and he agreed. After my scan I wrote to my doctor and he had changed his mind.

So I had no choice but to wait. In the meantime I saw a physio therapist who was adamant that I had not had a herniated disc. Things got a bit better than a lot worse. In December 2006 I was in so much pain that we called out the doctor. Lucky for us the one who refused to do the interpretation for us arrived and treated me like a sack of potatoes. He offered to refer me to physio and to the pain clinic.

In April 2007 I had an appointment with the physiotherapist who was adamant that I did not have anything wrong with my spine and wondered why the doctor had referred me. My doctor had not referred me for the pain clinic though and neither could physio.

At this point I gave up and waited for the appointment, which was today. I have 2 herniated discs, one of them is the same one I had when I was 17.

1. If the first doctor had referred me when promised that would have saved me 6 months.

2. If the second doctor had asked for the MRI interpretation to be sent to him, that would have saved me a year. It also would have meant that in December I could have had treatment for a known condition, as opposed to the shoddy treatment I did get, which involved me being labelled as a difficult patient and that maye I should leave the practice.

3. If I had had an MRI when it first herniated, that would have saved me 8 years.

4. If anyone had listened to me back in 1999, when I said it feels like when I herniated my L4/5 at 17, that would have been an exact diagnosis.


Although I am very pleased to have the diagnosis, I am absolutely furious at the length of time it has taken to get it.


Now I face more physio, perhaps this time they won't be so adamant that I do not have a herniated disc. At last a referral to the pain clinic, which was originally promised back in December last year. Possible injections and surgery. The thecal sac which protects the spinal bundle is being pressed on as well, so that explains a lot.

It must be a relief that finally you have a diagnosis, although I can understand how angry you must be that it's taken so long to get it.

Will the treatment cure it, or just make it better?

Hi kaz.a bit more than hi to say,but hectic at the mo...I
ll be back soon.Hope you're feeling today

Well,at least you have a diagnosis now kaz,and have something to work on with the physio.
I would be as well,it doesn't seem fair does it....maybe this will give you a better relationship with your GP,too.....unless you decide to take any action against him for his attitude,and treatment.(or non-treatment)
I hope you managed to tell him about the things that were on your list??
You must feel relieved at last,but it's appalling that it's taken so long for someone to listen.
I haven't been around much for the last couple of days,but can't see any other postings from you since you returned from your appointment...are you ?

Lets hope everythings on the up for you now,

Its been difficult for months if not longer, but I think the strain of my illness has killed my relationship. He won't leave me, he knows my problems and lack of money would leave me only one option. So he will always stick by me, but at the cost of his own happiness, poor guy.

Me I have given up. Its not that I don't love him, its that we only have one small room and he has no close friends to go and visit, to get away. I am pushing him to see his friend in Chippenham, afterall he can hire a car now. We had planned to take a week off and hire a car for a few days and have some day trips, well I would rather he spent the time in better company.

Trouble is he is very used to martyr mode right now and is refusing to go. He doesn't realise that right now I would rather me alone, okay I would be housebound, but alone and helpless is better than company that walks out the room as soon as I burst into tears. We are too close physically, in this one room, if he takes a break then he may remember why we are together, but if guilt means he never takes a break then I really fear for us.

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well between you too. It's true that every relationship need some space, is he working at the moment?

Yes he is working. But I think he needs some fun, to spend some time with people who are healthy. To walk faster than I can, afterall that bugs me a lot, it must bug him. I know he will look after me, but I really think he needs a break from me. Just a couple of days away and then come back happier. I wish I could send him away every month to his friends, but he really digs his heels in. I don't understand why, as I can manage for a few days at home, its easy enough to stock up on food and I normally really enjoy the break, I get lots more arty stuff done, as I can work through the night, which I can't do when he is at home, as he needs the sleep for work.

Sorry to go on, I just don't understand why he won't go away. When staying here is making things worse.

Perhaps tell him that *you* need the respite? Or have you tried that way round?

I have tried that. Maybe he is stuck in a rut? I know he has shown signs of depression during all this, and I know that makes it difficult to do new things. I just want him happy, to be stuck at home in one room with me, isn't making him happy. Sometimes I think it is easier for me than for him, afterall I feel the pain so its easy for me to accept not being able to do anything. He doesn't feel pain and therefore wants to go out as normal and can't. If that makes sense.

He has decided to stay with me and plan some weekend away in the future (no idea of dates, but not for at least a month or more). I am now resorting to begging him to go away and stay with friends.

Its got worse, we can't hire a car. We can't afford to buy a car and thought hiring was a green option, as we want to buy a hybrid when we finally can afford to buy one.

We can't hire until his driving licence is a year old. Although he has been riding motorbikes for 20 years and has a clean licence for that, it means nothing. He will have to wait a year, forget how to drive before he is allowed to hire a car. That makes no logical sense.

So another year before I can see my parents and get out of here and have a day out. I am at the end of my tether right now.

Oh and he is refusing to go away, so I am not allowed to get a break. I cannot get away, I have no friends to stay with even if I could and how could I get there anyway?

I have had enough, I really have.

I could learn to hate him for never going away and giving me a break. I feel so very trapped right now. I told him that I was begining to think about knives and if he didn't give me space, I would do more than think about them. And lo he refuses to give me space. Maybe he wants me to self-harm?

Dear George
last year when I desperately needed space, you refused to go away just like you are now. So we booked up tickets to goto Chester, I always intended not going. It was the only way I could get any space.

Now you are refusing to give me any space once more, I can't do a scam like before as you know I cannot travel.

I have warned you that I am thinking about cutting myself and you ignored it.

What do I have to do to get some space. I would rather be alone than have someone who leave sthe room everytime I start crying. I am likely to start shouting how much I hate you when you get home in a minute, I am dreading you coming home, I wish I could run away.

I don't hate you, I just feel utterly trapped and I hate the fact that you do not listen to me and have no respect for me. If you had respect for me, you would give me space.

So I write this here as a sign of total desperation, how else can I get you to take me seriously? I have sent you emails today begging for you to give me space.

If you continue to make no plans to go away for teh odd night or weekend, I will definately start cutting myself again and I will resent you more and learn to hate you.

I have witnesses here, this is the only way I know to get through to you.

We can't rescue a difficult time in a relationship by smothering it.

If you’re affected by self-harm (when someone hurts or injures them self) you may think that you can’t talk to your family or your doctor about it, because they won’t understand, or because they’ll judge you. However there are people who understand, and who can help you to stop hurting yourself.

There is information about self-harm, and a list of useful organisations that can help, on the One Life: Health – Healthy
Mind site at:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/onelife/health/healthy_mind/selfharm.shtml

You can also find out more on the BBC Health website at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/mental/emotional_selfharm.shtml

Dear Auntie Beeb - get lost

or read this and then get lost
F74061?thread=4190640

I wish I could yikes this constant stream of brown stuff I keep getting from this ****

It actually makes me feel worse. One day I'll do something stupid just because auntie effing beeb drove me past distraction into utter utter anger. Its obvious they have never researched bipolar as extreme anger is a symptom in some cases. And drivel such as this is just the thing to make that final push.

Auntie drivel - I like it - accurate and true

My posting last night succeeded in getting George to listen to me and for once he took my requests seriously and we are working on that. Daft things you have to do to get taken seriously sometimes! Finding out that we cannot hire a car for a year, has hit us very hard. I won't be able to see my relatives for a year now. bearing in mind my Mum and my Gran are in worse health than me and Georges mum still has cancer, and we can't put them up once they get here, not having a bedrrom for ourselves even. So we are both in a bad way and yet I cannot post here again until this is sorted out
F5199336?thread=4237074&post=49537966#p49537966

George saw me last night when I came on and saw these messages and he saw how it effects me to have strangers interferring in the way I have learnt to deal with my fear etc. He understands that although I have learnt to deal with my fear, seeing these messages from auntie beeb makes everything return much much worse than before. I am in genuine fear that a message from auntie beeb will take me over the edge and I will cut myself, as it interferes with my sucessful method for dealing with it myself.

So goodbye all, until I can get an assurance that auntie beeb will not post in my space I have to leave h2g2 for my own safety. Ridiculous to have to leave my only friends and safe place, but thats interferring strangers for you.

Oh dear kaz...you're having a bad time love,aren't you.
I'm sorry that moonglum can't get a car,it seems silly that he has passed his test,so is likely to be more careful as a new driver,yet he can't get a hire car.
It must be hard for both of you,with just one room.We all need privacy,and our own space from time to time.I DO understand what you're saying,but maybe he just wants to be near you while you're going through getting used to the fact that things are changing far too quickly for you.
He might be finding it hard seeing you suffering,and knowing he cant do anything much to help,apart from be there if you need him.
I'm only guessing at his motives for not leaving you alone,but maybe ,if you reassure him that you'll be fne by yourself,and it will actually be good for you,then he'll listen.
I hope you can work something out that will benefit both of you,you seem to be feeling angry with everythig at the moment.It is probably a reaction to last weeks visit to the doctor,and nobody could blame you for being angry.
I don't know what else i can say to make things easier,or better for you,apart from you know where i am,if you want to chat.
Take care

Auntie beeb will not leave me alone.

So I have to leave, my only lifeline, the only place I can chat to friends like this.

next time I am having a panic attack, I will have nowhere to go.

Oh god, this year has been so bad, first disability, then we find out we cannot drive for a year, then I have to leave the only website where I get support.

Where I do go now?

This is the end for me, I cannot take anymore of this year.

One small glimmer of hope here, if someone is in touch with Kaz, is that the new driver problem might be overcome. A similar question was asked here http://forum.moneysupermarket.com/forums/thread/15770.aspx and one reply says that Dollar were able to rent them a car, being more concerened with the age of the driver than the amount of time since passing the test. I'd have thought that especially given the amount of Moonglum's bike experience they might be prepared to hire.

hi coelacanth.I can only get in touch by e-mail,but i'll certainly give it a try tomorrow...amd thank you.It might give kaz some hope of getting out more.