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My Vasectomy
Portorium Started conversation Aug 4, 2001
A potted history so far:
Sat 21st July - minor operation performed to prevent unplanned creation of additional little Portoria. Full recovery expected within 48 hours.
Sun 22nd July - No pain - little swelling - looking good!
Mon 23rd July - Minor discomfort and swelling - back to work tomorrow?
Tues 24th July AM - Major discomfort and swelling - nasty feeling in pit of stomach.
Tues 24th July PM - Difficulties encountered driving home bent double with one hand on groin and other hand working steering wheel and gear lever, one foot on all three pedals and other foot out of passenger window to prevent contact between testicles and other parts of body. Wife laughs and says "now you know what pain really feels like".
Wed 25th July AM - Wife examines testicles and says "actually, I think you really might know what pain feels like. I'll ring the doctor".
Wed 25th July PM - Doctor prescribes antibiotics.
Sun 29th July - Testicular radius now measured in metres. Standing results in redistribution of fluid which expands nuts like comedy balloons.
Mon 30th July - Doctor prescribes stronger antibiotics.
Tues 31st July - Testicular radius undiminished. Have taken to sleeping standing up with groin out of bedroom window to increase air circulation.
Wed 1st August - Referred to Consultant. New antibiotics, normally prescribed to rabid hippopotami, will kill horses at thirty paces.
Fri 3rd August - Doctor "pleased with progress". If this continues, will drain excess fluid next week with a syringe. Am praying for a relapse.
Watch this space.
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My Vasectomy
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