h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok,my beef is whith the infamous Whistle keyfobs.Why,you may ask...simple,I can never get the damn things to work!!
It`s supposed to be of help when you lose your keys,a great idea,in princaple but one thats flawed in practice.I bought my first one(notice I said my first one,I`ll explain later) pretty much when they were first introduced to an as of yet unspecting public."Great" I thought,"I`ll never lose my keys again!",but like countles others I was lulled into a false sense of secruity.After playing around with it for a while to find the right pitch at which to whistle,I made the fatal mistake of thinking "Losing my keys will never be a problem ever again"
Boy,was I soooooo wrong! I woke the next day,totally oblivios to the mayhem that was to ensue.After getting ready for work and having something to eat,I was ready to meet the big bad world again,but it was not to be.Going out the door,I nearly forgot my keys,so I whistled.Nothing,nada,zip....no response whatsoever "Ok" I thought, alter the pitch.....still nothing.Ten minutes later and one missed bus,I still hadn`t "heard" my keys.Panic starts to set in,as I`m supposed to be in work a little early so I could make up my sales quota."Poo" thought I(or words similar to that effect) as a frantic search for my keys was started in earnest.One call to my boss,which I hasten to add,was`nt an altogether pleasent experiance at the best of times,but he seemed to sympathise with me,as he only threatened to move my desk to the local employment office!!
It`s about 9.45am now,after a frantic and seemingly fruitless search,I decided that one hour and fifteen minutes of searching was`nt going to turn up any results,so I eventually set of,despondant,for work but safe in the knowledge that my girlfriend would be home long before me,so no problem getting in the flat.
It would seem that losing my keys was just the start to a disasterous day,I won`t bore you with the details,suffice to say I was very,very,very lucky to still have a job at the end of the day.The only stroke of luck I had,was the fact that my girlfriend was in when I got home and joy of joys,she had found my keys!
Apparantly,they were under the bed,It turned out,that after a lot of playing with on my part,my girlfriend started mucking about with the keyfob after I went to the pup.Now, I never,ever take my keys to the pub for a few reasons,for the pup is only around the corner,I never go out after going to the local and Cheryle would still be up when I got home.Anyway,while I was at the pup,my girlfriend decided to do what I had been doing after I had bought the keyfob,play around with it,finding the pitch.It turns out,that she played with if for a considerable amount of time longer than me,effectivally running the lazy batteries out!So,rather than tell me the battereies were flat,when I got in,she thought it would be a good idea to put the keyfob,with attached keys,on the bedside table.Fair enough,you may think,but when I got in we went straight up to bed,and totally crashed out,not even registering the keys on the bedside table.After a lot of thought,we both came to the same conclusion
1.During the night,I must of knocked the table,sending the keys to the floor,at which point they must of bounced of my slippers to eventually settle under the bed

2.That the keyfob was on of the keyfobs that has that incurable electronic disease,whereby all battereies start to lose power as soon as they are produced,therefore never having more than enough power than to demostrate the products use before keeling over and dying!!

Of course there is a third possibilty you know? But it is one I dare`nt think of and that is my girlfriend,with malice and forethought,took my keys as some sort of benign practical joke!! After a heated disscussion,where I put the aforementioned point to her,it was,er,made blatently clear that this was not the case and I had the bruises for somewhile to prove it!!
No,I blame the damn keyfob.It was`nt the last time those dreadfull keyfobs would affect my life and I seem to have lost more keys with the thing,than without,but like ready salted crisps,I seem to be addicted to the flaming things!! I`d lose one set and end up getting another set cut from my girlfriends set.You know what is really scary though? Everytime I get another set cut at Colin`s(the local keycutter,I`ve been there so many times,I`m due to be Godfather to his first born!!),I always get drawn towards the Whistling keyfobs!!
I always curse myself after leaving Colin`s,as I know that it won`t be too long before I`m back there.At this rate I`ll be putting his forthcoming child through University!!
So,in conclusion,Whistling keyfobs are the Devil`s own work,sent to bamboozle us into the greatest con,that of secruity.Whatever you do,don`t buy one of these......as I need them more than you!!!

You seem far too angry about this. May I recommend therapy?

The one I had resolutely refused to acknowledge my whistles. It didn't matter if I started of whistling as low as I possibly could, then gradually increased the pitch (think jet engine starting up) until I was whistling the highest note I could, nothing.

However, if I had the car radio on it would go off ALL THE F****** TIME!!!!!.

After a particularly bad episode with 'Take my breath away' by Berlin, I ceremonially threw it off a cliff and went back to a normal keyring. I now have an infallible keyring finder. Her name is Sue.